# Don't have an affair with a crew member **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 1, 2006, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870 "2006-08-01T13:10:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/1 "2006-08-01T13:10:26Z")
[This thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=382118) reminded me that I loaned my copy of [_Rebel Without A Crew_](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452271878/sr=1-1/qid=1154436063/ref=sr_1_1/102-8377801-7211312?ie=UTF8&s=books) to the writer/director of the film we were working on. Now the book is gone for good. So I went over to Amazon to order a new copy, and found [\*What They Don’t Teach You At Film School: 161 Strategies to Making Your Own Movie No Matter What \*](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0786884770/ref=pd_luc_23_lc_a11164x33_r1c3_a3_i/102-8377801-7211312?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155). Now I have some experience working on low-budget films; only I haven’t made one of my own. (A real film, that is. Early super-8 stuff doesn’t count.) I’ve got a ton of equipment. Only I’m preoccupied right now. For one thing, I’m living away from the people I can easily make films with while I’m generating income. And I’ve had a g/f for a few months. I still have to get the MGB finished. I need to work a way to get back to my house, which I miss. And I need to start flying again. I don’t need to get another film book. But what the heck. I see that this book has some positive reviews. Of course it’s the negative ones I’m interested in. Here’s a bit of one of them: > [@](#): > > Gee, I got such great advice as, “Don’t have an affair with one of the cast members!” Following that great chapter … I then learned that “When I DO have an affair … I should not break up with that person until AFTER the shoot is over.” This advice was not meant to be funny. You know… That’s actually good advice. Our writer/director started a studio. His plan was to shoot weddings, instructional videos, etc. until he could make his own film. He set up the studio with his live-in g/f. They fought all the time, and he eventually sent her packing. A couple of months later he and another friend started writing the film. By the time we were almost ready to shoot, he was missing his g/f. He said that she motivated him, and that without her he was lazy. He wondered if he should get back together with her and have her produce the film. I told him that I don’t get involved in people’s personal lives. I told him to do what he wants, and I’d be good with it. _But_… If he got back together with her, _do not_ break up with her until _after_ the film is finished. I told him that a few times. The other writer/actor thought it was a bad idea for him to get back together with her, but he also told him _do not_ break up with her until _after_ the film is finished. I think you can all see where this is going. They got back together. She did a _very good job_ producing the film. She got the permits, got the locations, got freebies and actors and all sorts of things, scheduled the shoots… She was a dynamo. But the arguments started again. Halfway through the film he sent her packing. Shooting came to a stop. The director said that he couldn’t schedule shoots because actors weren’t available. (One had to cancel a couple of times, and needed us to shoot something for his business. But we had plenty of other shots to get that didn’t require him. Another took a week to go to Seattle, but said he’d be happy to drive up in the evenings. And then there was Christmas and New Year’s.) When everyone was available and chomping at the bit to finish the film, the director said that he had to finish two weddings first and _then_ we could resume. Only instead of finishing editing the weddings he played video games. Finally he decided he wanted to be with his g/f. In early March he packed up the studio and moved to Spokane. It was quick. Like, he-skipped-town quick. I’ve heard he’s learning to be a tattoo artist. I’m out thousands of dollars, not counting equipment I bought for the shoot. (And remember that I was unemployed at the time.) The actor/writer is out some money (I don’t know how much). The other main actor and investor is out about three kilobucks. I had to get a real job, which required me to move back to California. I’m living in exile while I have a perfectly good house by the beach up north. He’s burned a lot of bridges. If the director had not gotten back together with his g/f we would have gotten the film done. If he had not broken up with her in the middle of the film – after she took on a very important role on the crew – we would have finished the film. So I think the book’s advice is good. Don’t have an affair with a crew member. ---
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/2 "2006-08-01T15:38:00Z")
Where I worked, the phrase was, “Keep your d\*ck out of the till.” ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/3 "2006-08-01T16:02:20Z")
“Don’t shit where you eat.” ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/4 "2006-08-01T18:42:37Z")
“Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.” ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/5 "2006-08-01T18:55:20Z")
“Stop fucking your secretary.” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/6 "2006-08-01T20:25:50Z")
“Keep your penis out of the payroll.” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/7 "2006-08-01T20:30:59Z")
Or as a musician for a local dance troupe which performs at the local renaissance faire said when she heard somebody mention that one particular guy was kind of good-looking, “DON’T DATE JEREMY!!!” ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/8 "2006-08-01T21:22:44Z")
“Don’t piss in your own pond.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/9 "2006-08-01T21:53:33Z")
Oh, I dunno. James T. Kirk often ignored your advice, and he did OK, career-wise. Made admiral and all. ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/10 "2006-08-01T22:51:54Z")
Damn. So, the whole film has fallen apart? There was probably a thread, but I missed it. That sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/11 "2006-08-02T01:07:45Z")
The film industry is different. Dating is pretty common among crew members. Why? First, the crew are all essentially freelancers, and their jobs will only last until the film is in the can - a period that usually takes no more than a few months. Second, crew people work long hours, often on location, and, if they have a significant other, often don’t have much time to spend with that person. So, when you’re working closely with other crew members for long hours over a period of months, sometimes away from home, relationships develop. Sometimes these relationships last no longer than the job. And the consequences are seldom as severe as what **Johnny L.A.** had to endure. **Johnny** , this story sucks. Sorry that happened to you. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/12 "2006-08-02T05:46:31Z")
Fine, the grunts can date with abandon. But the _key people_ need to keep their shit straight, and in separate containers. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/13 "2006-08-02T12:48:07Z")
“Don’t fuck the models.” - Janice Fuckin’ Dickinson ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/14 "2006-08-02T13:31:17Z")
I dunno – the whole story just reinforces the belief most of us have that “show people” are immature, self-absorbed and child-like. I love to watch a good movie when one gets made, but I wouldn’t want any of those folks anywhere near my life. It’s a damn shame that your investment got pissed away by somebody else’s lack of professionalism (ever think about contacting a lawyer and holding the fuckstick accountable?) but you had to know going in he did not have his stuff all packed right. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/15 "2006-08-02T13:46:03Z")
Hey? Whatever happened to sleeping your way to the top? The problem isn’t \*\*Johnny L.A.'s \*\* director was sleeping with a crew member (who happened to be his girlfriend). The problem is that the director sounds like an incompetent idiot. I would be billing to bet cold cash money that the source of 90% of the arguments between him and his girlfriend was him getting his shit together. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/16 "2006-08-02T14:16:28Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] I dunno – the whole story just reinforces the belief most of us have that “show people” are immature, self-absorbed and child-like. I love to watch a good movie when one gets made, but I wouldn’t want any of those folks anywhere near my life. It’s a damn shame that your investment got pissed away by somebody else’s lack of professionalism (ever think about contacting a lawyer and holding the fuckstick accountable?) but you had to know going in he did not have his stuff all packed right. [/QUOTE] Eh, I don’t know. Spending half of my life in the “show person” world and the other half in the “professional” world, I can definitely tell you that there are just as many immature, self-absorbed and child-like people at the office as there are in rehearsals. The difference is that I don’t actually have to work closely or intimately with many of the folks at the office. Just calls about TPS reports and such. The percentage of self-centered folks is probably higher than the average population, but when you consider that most everyone involved is a freelancer, it makes sense. You’ve got to be a bit ego-centric to be basically a self employed self-promoter. The world is full of jerks; careers in the arts just allow those jerks to show that quality on a more frequent basis. ---
**Author:** ![Carlyjay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Carlyjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carlyjay)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/17 "2006-08-02T14:24:10Z")
“Don’t shit on your own front porch.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-have-an-affair-with-a-crew-member/366870/18 "2006-08-03T01:24:17Z")
[QUOTE=msmith537] I would be billing to bet cold cash money that the source of 90% of the arguments between him and his girlfriend was him getting his shit together. [/QUOTE] As I said, I don’t like to get involved in other people’s personal lives. I suspect the arguments were about his laziness and her spending habits. > [@Sunrazor](#): > > It’s a damn shame that your investment got pissed away by somebody else’s lack of professionalism (ever think about contacting a lawyer and holding the fuckstick accountable?) but you had to know going in he did not have his stuff all packed right. I have too many other things going on right now to think about suing. One of the other guys though, might do it. (He’s asked about _buying_ the footage we’ve already shot.) The thing is, the director _really_ wanted to make the film. Like, ‘If I don’t make a film before I’m 30 I’ll kill myself.’ :rolleyes: (You’ve got about six months, mate.) I warned him that shooting a feature was a big bite for his first project, but it could have worked. He’s a genius at manipulating the images in post. But he was burned out with the studio (read: paying) work. I think he just became overwhelmed – which wasn’t helped at all by his personal dramas.