# Don't know how to feel about this cop's question... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 30, 2011, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263 "2011-10-30T06:02:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/121 "2011-10-30T23:03:56Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > By discussing it on a messageboard? _That’s_ making it into a mountain? Wow. Speculating about it being against the law? Or police policy? Yah, that’s a mountain. For that matter, I have _never_ written an OP complaining about someone committing a faux pas. Nor have the vast bulk of Dopers. And even in cases where people do, it’s about people being very seriously rude. That said, I will happily grant that it is better to write about it on a message board than to start a humongous fuss about it in the real world. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/122 "2011-10-30T23:07:10Z")
_Everyone_, please stay on the subject of the thread and the content of the posts in that thread. _All_ remarks of a personal nature are out of line here. Start Pit threads as necessary. I am not in the mood to go through this thread post by post and issue warnings. It is in your best interest not to make me regret that decision. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/123 "2011-10-30T23:09:21Z")
> [@straight\_man](#): > > Speculating about it being against the law? Or police policy? Yah, that’s a mountain. > > For that matter, I have _never_ written an OP complaining about someone committing a faux pas. Nor have the vast bulk of Dopers. And even in cases where people do, it’s about people being very seriously rude. That said, I will happily grant that it is better to write about it on a message board than to start a humongous fuss about it in the real world. Oh jesus. Well fuckin-forgive me bulk of fuckin Dopers please. I’ll try to think of a good cupcake recipe to share. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/124 "2011-10-30T23:11:38Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Yeah, you do this to me, too. Instead of addressing the points in our posts respectfully , you degrade our personalities, calling her nasty and judgmental and calling me a goon. Why can’t you address our posts? I only respond in kind. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/125 "2011-10-30T23:12:49Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Look, it’s been clear for a _long time_ that you and I don’t see eye to eye on pretty much anything. I have no interest in taking part or opening anything you’ve started and you have a nasty, judgmental streak in the stuff that you post in thread’s I’ve started. Why don’t we agree to just disagree and not ever bother each other at all? You have demonstrated, time and time again, that you are incapable of seeing anything I do with an unbiased, non judgmental viewpoint. On precisely ONE thread of yours I was presumptious and rude and cursed and got a warning for it - you and I communicated via PM on that score and _I_ was the one who initiated that discussion. I’ve barely ever posted to anything else you’ve written here. So, don’t give me dishonest whining _crap_ about history or any of your silly insults or lies about “time and time again.” Especially when you are apparently unwilling to answer any of the points I’ve raised here in a pretty damn polite way. I’m not the only person to note that you dance around anything you can’t answer. Ugh. You’re on my ignore list now because you are a poopy-head. Also predictable and boring. (Hopefully “poopy-head” is allowed outside of the Pit.) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/126 "2011-10-30T23:26:59Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Oh jesus. Well fuckin-forgive me bulk of fuckin Dopers please. > > I’ll try to think of a good cupcake recipe to share. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I only respond in kind. For ignoring moderator instructions to refrain from personal comments and off-topic squabbling. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/127 "2011-10-30T23:29:00Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > On precisely ONE thread of yours I was presumptious and rude and cursed and got a warning for it - you and I communicated via PM on that score and _I_ was the one who initiated that discussion. I’ve barely ever posted to anything else you’ve written here. > > So, don’t give me dishonest whining _crap_ about history or any of your silly insults or lies about “time and time again.” Especially when you are apparently unwilling to answer any of the points I’ve raised here in a pretty damn polite way. I’m not the only person to note that you dance around anything you can’t answer. > > Ugh. You’re on my ignore list now because you are a poopy-head. Also predictable and boring. (Hopefully “poopy-head” is allowed outside of the Pit.) For personal insults and telling someone they’re on your ignore list ([which is against the rules](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7697065#post7697065)). **twickster** , MPSIMS modertor ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/128 "2011-10-30T23:55:24Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Three people who live in the same county as you (and I - we are practically neighbors) who are legitimately disabled, and who have no grievances with anyone over harassment, wrongful use of disabled placards or plates, who have full and interesting lives and don’t first and foremost identify as crips. Each has other identities that supercede “disabled.” > > None of them got a big settlement, none can afford sports cars or nice homes or gym memberships like you can. Two out of the three get by on about $700 a month disability. Two out of the three volunteer. None of these three give a toss one way or the other about being disabled, they just live their lives. > > They’re all women. Maybe it’s a testosterone thing? Female, and I have plenty of grievances about harassment, about misuse of handicapped access facilities, people misusing handicapped placards, locations not having handicapped access facilities available or what they have is totally unsuited for any level of handicap beyond a single cane. I just rarely go about whining about it. I could have gotten my previous employers place of business raked over the coals for violations in the handicapped access areas. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/129 "2011-10-31T00:23:11Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Female, and I have plenty of grievances about harassment, about misuse of handicapped access facilities, people misusing handicapped placards, locations not having handicapped access facilities available or what they have is totally unsuited for any level of handicap beyond a single cane. I just rarely go about whining about it. I could have gotten my previous employers place of business raked over the coals for violations in the handicapped access areas. Yah, my “testosterone” comment was sort of flippant and I don’t doubt there are many daily grievances for folks who are disabled. To be clear - I really believe that if there’s a clear violation, people should speak up and effect change. But the three people I mentioned are good friends, we piss and moan about life in general, and I never hear anything about violations or grievances or altercations from any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/130 "2011-10-31T00:27:48Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Yah, my “testosterone” comment was sort of flippant and I don’t doubt there are many daily grievances for folks who are disabled. > > To be clear - I really believe that if there’s a clear violation, people should speak up and effect change. But the three people I mentioned are good friends, we piss and moan about life in general, and I never hear anything about violations or grievances or altercations from any of them. I thought the disabled woman who lived on $714/month was merely an “acquaintance”? Now she’s a “good friend”? Hmm, how things change to fit the situation… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/131 "2011-10-31T00:29:02Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Yah, my “testosterone” comment was sort of flippant and I don’t doubt there are many daily grievances for folks who are disabled. > > To be clear - I really believe that if there’s a clear violation, people should speak up and effect change. But the three people I mentioned are good friends, we piss and moan about life in general, and I never hear anything about violations or grievances or altercations from any of them. I thought the disabled woman who lived on $714/month was merely an “acquaintance”? Now she’s a “good friend”? Hmm, how things change to fit the situation…In fact, didn’t you go out of your way to say she _was not_ a friend? ETA: yeah, right here: [Should I call the police on this guy, why or why not? - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629116) ---
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/132 "2011-10-31T00:31:21Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Oh jesus. Well fuckin-forgive me bulk of fuckin Dopers please. Just to be clear on this point: in no way did I imply that you owe any of us an apology. However, when you write an OP titled “Don’t know how to feel…”, it is entirely apropos to respond that you are overreacting to a non-event. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/133 "2011-10-31T00:35:32Z")
> [@straight\_man](#): > > Just to be clear on this point: in no way did I imply that you owe any of us an apology. However, when you write an OP titled “Don’t know how to feel…”, it is entirely apropos to respond that you are overreacting to a non-event. I certainly didn’t mean for the OP to turn out this way. I merely thought the officer crossed a line with the question. I didn’t make an issue out of it at the scene whatsoever, and I only wanted to open up the topic for discussion here. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/134 "2011-10-31T00:44:39Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I thought the disabled woman who lived on $714/month was merely an “acquaintance”? Now she’s a “good friend”? Hmm, how things change to fit the situation…In fact, didn’t you go out of your way to say she _was not_ a friend? Yes, she is one of the three; what an acute memory you have. If you go back and read my posts in that thread you’ll see that I considered her a good, close friend for many years but dialed that back to “acquaintance” in the last year because of her weird codependent relationship with her druggie son. None of this is contrary to anything else I have posted. You apparently read and remembered that other thread of mine and thank you for that; i am impressed by your attention to detail. Since you apparently have it handy, please do post the link to my thread. It would save me time and clarify it for everyone else. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/135 "2011-10-31T00:50:09Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I thought the disabled woman who lived on $714/month was merely an “acquaintance”? Now she’s a “good friend”? Hmm, how things change to fit the situation…In fact, didn’t you go out of your way to say she _was not_ a friend? > > ETA: yeah, right here: [Should I call the police on this guy, why or why not? - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629116) Sorry, simul-posting and you added the link after I posted. See my post # 16 which clarifies what I said here. > [@](#): > > I don’t get it. Sad and frustrating. I don’t know how they’re going to make it through the winter. I vaccilate between feeling sorry for Mom and wanting to smack some sense into her. We used to be good friends when she had her shit together, and she’s been supportive of me a time or two. So it’s hard to walk away completely. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/136 "2011-10-31T01:00:14Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I certainly didn’t mean for the OP to turn out this way. I merely thought the officer crossed a line with the question. I didn’t make an issue out of it at the scene whatsoever, and I only wanted to open up the topic for discussion here. Yes, but the title of the OP makes it sound more like a “was this not quite right?” kinda thingy. Then, the actual post is more like “here I am all innocent and all and then here comes Mr. Dick cop”. Then, when many (most?) folks here tend to think the cop was mostly just doing his job and you are being oversensitive or unrealistic you get all defensive, and really IMO start reaching to defend your point of view. Its fine to open it to discussion. Just don’t get bent out of shape when most folks don’t agree with you. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/137 "2011-10-31T01:04:37Z")
Or how about the whole post… **I have an acquaintance** for whom I alternately feel sympathy for - she is legitimately disabled and lives on $714 a month - and frustration - she allows her 34-year old son and his girlfriend to live in her house without paying a penny towards rent or other living expenses. The son and the girlfriend refuse to look for work, donate plasma, or basically do anything at all to pay their way. Son has an Android phone, a crack cocaine habit, smokes cigarettes and has comandeered the only family vehicle. He and the girlfriend do contribute a teensy amount every month through scrapping (often illegally) and between $100 and $200 a month they get from gummint assistance. However, very often that money is spent on drugs and smokes; son and girlfriend spend a lot of their time driving the lone family vehicle around the north end of the city hanging out with drug dealers, dog-fighters and other assorted low-lifes. Son does not have a drivers license and has at least one warrant out in another county for non-payment of child support. **Acquaintance** is often afraid of the son, who throws violent tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants (use of the vehicle, money for smokes, etc) and also, concurrently, has a sick, unhealthy, over-protective, over-attachment to him. IMHO. She will not tolerate any criticism of the situation, and while acknowledging that she is not doing him any favors by enabling his immature and shitty behaviour, pays lip-service only and nothing has changed for several years. **The acquaintance** is a good person in many respects - she has dedicated what’s left of her life to volunteer work, she is a kind person, she is weak but not bad. Here’s my dilemma - I can completely walk away from the relationship at any time, but while I stop short of calling the acquaintance a true friend, I like her and would like to help “fix” the situation. But I wil NOT be another enabler in the situation. I can call the cops and give them name, address, vehicle license and description - they may or may not pick son up for the warrant, given that it’s in another county - however, if they do, the lone family vehicle will be impounded and there is NO money to reclaim it. Which really screws up **my acquaintance** , who owns the vehicle and depends on it to get to doctor and physical therapy visits. There is no reliable or viable public transportation where she lives. Also, while I have it on good faith and evidence that he is involved in drugs, dog-fighting (peripherally and by association, not directly) and illegal scrapping, I don’t have enough detail to give the incredibly overworked and under-funded local police department any clear reason to pick him up. Of course, now that I have this written down, it looks so obvious - continue backing the fuck away from the entire situation and sick family dynamic (I’ve been doing this over the last several months), disengage and don’t look back. But I do care about **the acquaintance-not friend** , perhaps wrongly, but I do. I think there’s an element of domestic abuse - which is not limited to partner-on-partner - and I really think the druggie son and his nasty little girlfriend ought to be removed from the breeding pool for ever and ever. On the other hand, I suspect **my acquaintance** has some sort of dysfunctional need for these leeches in her life, and my idea that if son and skanky girlfriend were removed from the situation and then everything will be OK may be dead, completely, wrong, McWrong,wrongitty-effing wrong-o. Bolding mine. It seems pretty clear that you want the reader to be clear that you consider this person JUST an acquaintance. That’s it. (sorry about the duplicate post in your other thread btw, that was an accident) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/138 "2011-10-31T01:08:16Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Yes, but the title of the OP makes it sound more like a “was this not quite right?” kinda thingy. > > Then, the actual post is more like “here I am all innocent and all and then here comes Mr. Dick cop”. > > Then, when many (most?) folks here tend to think the cop was mostly just doing his job and you are being oversensitive or unrealistic you get all defensive, and really IMO start reaching to defend your point of view. > > Its fine to open it to discussion. Just don’t get bent out of shape when most folks don’t agree with you. I absolutely don’t. It’s the manner in which that “disagreement” is expressed that is bs to me. And because of that, I tend to look at any subsequent argument coming from that poster as being bs. Like the disagreement comes first, and the reasons why come later (if at all). ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/139 "2011-10-31T01:18:16Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I absolutely don’t. It’s the manner in which that “disagreement” is expressed that is bs to me. And because of that, I tend to look at any subsequent argument coming from that poster as being bs. Like the disagreement comes first, and the reasons why come later (if at all). Then, IMO you REALLY need to look at things with more of an open mind. Plenty of people have given you actual reasons why they think they (and/or the cop) are right and you are wrong (and all the shades of grey inbetween). Its not like you are the only Obama hater in a forum filled with Obama lovers and that bias is bleeding over into your handicap themed threads. I’d say most posters who think you are bit off when it comes to stuff regarding handicapped issues have formed that opinion ONLY based your other postings having to do with handicapped stuff. And thats not some unrelated bias, thats just mounting evidence regarding the topic in question. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2011, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/140 "2011-10-31T01:20:54Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Or how about the whole post… [Muffin backs slowly away, wondering if the description of the attitude of the officer in the OP was reasonably objective or not.] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263.md?page=8)