# Don't know how to feel about this cop's question...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 30, 2011, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263 "2011-10-30T06:02:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 8
### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/141 "2011-10-31T01:24:45Z")
> [@billfish678](#):
>
> Then, IMO you REALLY need to look at things with more of an open mind. Plenty of people have given you actual reasons why they think they (and/or the cop) are right and you are wrong (and all the shades of grey inbetween).
>
> Its not like you are the only Obama hater in a forum filled with Obama lovers and that bias is bleeding over into your handicap themed threads.
>
> I’d say most posters who think you are bit off when it comes to stuff regarding handicapped issues have formed that opinion ONLY based your other postings having to do with handicapped stuff. And thats not some unrelated bias, thats just mounting evidence regarding the topic in question.
Ok, so do you include yourself in the group that has concluded that I am wrong in thinking that the cop shouldn’t have asked “how I was disabled”? Especially in light of the fact that I had a valid placard and a current driver’s license readily available for the officer to use to establish my legality? Yes, no? Again, I made no issue of it at the scene; I thanked the officer for enforcing such spots.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/142 "2011-10-31T01:26:21Z")
> [@Muffin](#):
>
> [Muffin backs slowly away, wondering if the description of the attitude of the officer in the OP was reasonably objective or not.]
What do you mean? You don’t think that post shows what I said it did? That she referred to someone that she called a “good friend” in one thread, an “acquaintance” in this one? ??
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### Author:  [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/143 "2011-10-31T01:27:25Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Or how about the whole post…
> **I have an acquaintance** for whom I alternately feel sympathy for - she is legitimately disabled and lives on $714 a month - and frustration - she allows her 34-year old son and his girlfriend to live in her house without paying a penny towards rent or other living expenses.
>
> The son and the girlfriend refuse to look for work, donate plasma, or basically do anything at all to pay their way. Son has an Android phone, a crack cocaine habit, smokes cigarettes and has comandeered the only family vehicle.
>
> He and the girlfriend do contribute a teensy amount every month through scrapping (often illegally) and between $100 and $200 a month they get from gummint assistance.
>
> However, very often that money is spent on drugs and smokes; son and girlfriend spend a lot of their time driving the lone family vehicle around the north end of the city hanging out with drug dealers, dog-fighters and other assorted low-lifes. Son does not have a drivers license and has at least one warrant out in another county for non-payment of child support.
>
> **Acquaintance** is often afraid of the son, who throws violent tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants (use of the vehicle, money for smokes, etc) and also, concurrently, has a sick, unhealthy, over-protective, over-attachment to him. IMHO. She will not tolerate any criticism of the situation, and while acknowledging that she is not doing him any favors by enabling his immature and shitty behaviour, pays lip-service only and nothing has changed for several years.
>
> **The acquaintance** is a good person in many respects - she has dedicated what’s left of her life to volunteer work, she is a kind person, she is weak but not bad.
>
> Here’s my dilemma - I can completely walk away from the relationship at any time, but while I stop short of calling the acquaintance a true friend, I like her and would like to help “fix” the situation. But I wil NOT be another enabler in the situation.
>
> I can call the cops and give them name, address, vehicle license and description - they may or may not pick son up for the warrant, given that it’s in another county - however, if they do, the lone family vehicle will be impounded and there is NO money to reclaim it. Which really screws up **my acquaintance** , who owns the vehicle and depends on it to get to doctor and physical therapy visits. There is no reliable or viable public transportation where she lives. Also, while I have it on good faith and evidence that he is involved in drugs, dog-fighting (peripherally and by association, not directly) and illegal scrapping, I don’t have enough detail to give the incredibly overworked and under-funded local police department any clear reason to pick him up.
>
> Of course, now that I have this written down, it looks so obvious - continue backing the fuck away from the entire situation and sick family dynamic (I’ve been doing this over the last several months), disengage and don’t look back.
>
> But I do care about **the acquaintance-not friend** , perhaps wrongly, but I do. I think there’s an element of domestic abuse - which is not limited to partner-on-partner - and I really think the druggie son and his nasty little girlfriend ought to be removed from the breeding pool for ever and ever. On the other hand, I suspect **my acquaintance** has some sort of dysfunctional need for these leeches in her life, and my idea that if son and skanky girlfriend were removed from the situation and then everything will be OK may be dead, completely, wrong, McWrong,wrongitty-effing wrong-o.
>
> Bolding mine. [B]It seems pretty clear that you want the reader to be clear that you consider this person JUST an acquaintance. That’s it. \*\*
>
> (sorry about the duplicate post in your other thread btw, that was an accident)
Bolding in sienna above mine.
So what’s your point, here? You trying to make me out to be a liar, or what? I haven’t lied, prevaricated, obfuscated or been sly or dishonest. So your ploy, whateverit is, ain’t working. At most you’re calling me out on a distinction between “acquaintance” and “used to be a really close friend but because of recent events I prefer to refer to this person as an aquaintance.” Which is merely an effort to clarify my present relationship with this individual.
And this has what, precisely, to do with your OP (original post)? Precisely, nothing.
Would it have been better if I’d clarified “two really close friends and one used-to-be-close friend except because of her weird and destructive relationship with her older, druggie son and his skanky girlfriend she is now an acquaintance”? This would have tipped everything in your favor, right? :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/144 "2011-10-31T01:32:26Z")
> [@chiroptera](#):
>
> Bolding in sienna above mine.
>
> So what’s your point, here? You trying to make me out to be a liar, or what? I haven’t lied, prevaricated, obfuscated or been sly or dishonest. So your ploy, whateverit is, ain’t working. At most you’re calling me out on a distinction between “acquaintance” and “used to be a really close friend but because of recent events I prefer to refer to this person as an aquaintance.” Which is merely an effort to clarify my present relationship with this individual.
>
> And this has what, precisely, to do with your OP (original post)? Precisely, nothing.
>
> Would it have been better if I’d clarified “two really close friends and one used-to-be-close friend except because of her weird and destructive relationship with her older, druggie son and his skanky girlfriend she is now an acquaintance”? This would have tipped everything in your favor, right? :rolleyes:
No, I’m just showing a trend. A trend to bend truths and bend prior statements, in order to have them retroactively fit with whatever you (general you) are currently hating. Of course this wasn’t a huge detail, but it just goes to show that you have no real integrity.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/145 "2011-10-31T01:34:00Z")
Read my previous posts. I explained why I thought what I did. And so did plenty of other people regarding their opinions and reasoning.
Or did you just read mine and other people’s posts as something like “Jamie bad, Jamie always bad and wrong. Grog not like Jamie”?
Not liking or agreeing with other people’s reasoning is not the same as them not actually giving any reasoning and them just not liking you “because” (which seems to be your implication here).
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### Author:  [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/146 "2011-10-31T01:36:59Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> No, I’m just showing a trend. A trend to bend truths and bend prior statements, in order to have them retroactively fit with whatever you (general you) are currently hating. Of course this wasn’t a huge detail, but it just goes to show that you have no real integrity.
M’OK- and this tendency of mine to bend truth and lack integrity :rolleyes: 😕 😃 is relative to your OP how, again?
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/147 "2011-10-31T01:38:33Z")
> [@billfish678](#):
>
> Read my previous posts. I explained why I thought what I did. And so did plenty of other people regarding their opinions and reasoning.
>
> Or did you just read mine and other people’s posts as something like “Jamie bad, Jamie always bad and wrong. Grog not like Jamie”?
>
> Not liking or agreeing with other people’s reasoning is not the same as them not actually giving any reasoning and them just not liking you “because” (which seems to be your implication here).
I didn’t implicate every single poster with my remarks. If that’s what you took my comments for, I’m sorry. But there is no denying the fact that some do.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/148 "2011-10-31T01:42:40Z")
> [@chiroptera](#):
>
> M’OK- and this tendency of mine to bend truth and lack integrity :rolleyes: 😕 😃 is relative to your OP how, again?
When you ask me why I’m not responding to your posts, this is why. I feel they are loaded, and frankly hateful.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/149 "2011-10-31T01:43:53Z")
Then go through this thread and say how many gave reasons and how many didn’t give any.
IMO the first number is going to be pretty high and the second is going to be pretty low. I am done for the night.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/150 "2011-10-31T01:47:53Z")
> [@billfish678](#):
>
> Then go through this thread and say how many gave reasons and how many didn’t give any.
>
> IMO the first number is going to be pretty high and the second is going to be pretty low. I am done for the night.
I never said everyone who gave reasons why I was wrong did so genuinely and without malice, you skipped something there. 😃
All I said was I didn’t say everyone who was responding to this thread was being an ass. And not everyone who was disagreeing with me was doing so simply because they didn’t like me. But those who do dislike me can still come up with reasons why I’m wrong. That’s what I meant when I said “the disagreement comes first, and the reasons why come later”.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/151 "2011-10-31T01:58:04Z")
Y’all want to make it personal, fine, I’ll move this to the Pit for you.
**twickster** , MPSIMS moderator
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/152 "2011-10-31T02:05:30Z")
> [@twickster](#):
>
> Y’all want to make it personal, fine, I’ll move this to the Pit for you.
>
> **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator
Yay! Things are about to get fun!
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### Author:  [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/153 "2011-10-31T02:07:34Z")
1. When did Jaimie do the name change? (and why - I thought he was on record as saying something about the stupidity of not using your real name here?)
2. Why is it that after 5 posts or so in this thread I wanted to check and see if Ambivalid was Jaimie under a different name?
3. To me, “waving the placard out the window” is straight away rude and disrespectful behaviour - so the first strike would go against Jaimie. You really expect a cop to see a waving placard and let you be after he has “lit you up”?
4. I’m not seeing anything wrong with “what’s your handicap” - shit, you’re a young, muscle bound guy in a sports car - most people are going to assume you are not handicapped, unless they see you in your chair. The officer was only confirming that the placcard was yours.
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### Author:  [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/154 "2011-10-31T02:12:39Z")
> [@bengangmo](#):
>
> 1. When did Jaimie do the name change? (and why - I thought he was on record as saying something about the stupidity of not using your real name here?)
> 2. Why is it that after 5 posts or so in this thread I wanted to check and see if Ambivalid was Jaimie under a different name?
> 3. To me, “waving the placard out the window” is straight away rude and disrespectful behaviour - so the first strike would go against Jaimie. You really expect a cop to see a waving placard and let you be after he has “lit you up”?
> 4. I’m not seeing anything wrong with “what’s your handicap” - shit, you’re a young, muscle bound guy in a sports car - most people are going to assume you are not handicapped, unless they see you in your chair. The officer was only confirming that the placcard was yours.
Well, one could argue that, having a visibly displayed valid placard would ensure a little bit of security to the driver that they aren’t going to be “light up” when they are parked in a handicap spot. So upon seeing such a thing happen, I don’t think it was that outrageous of me to then roll my window down and wave the placard a bit in front of his car.
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### Author:  [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/155 "2011-10-31T02:14:17Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> No, I’m just showing a trend. A trend to bend truths and bend prior statements, in order to have them retroactively fit with whatever you (general you) are currently hating. Of course this wasn’t a huge detail, but it just goes to show that you have no real integrity.
Fuckin arse.
I call people different things depending upon my mood at the moment - you really don’t have anything better to do than call a person a liar about the difference between friend and acquiantance in different threads?
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### Author:  [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/156 "2011-10-31T02:17:37Z")
Jamie - How stoned were you during this encounter?
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### Author:  [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/157 "2011-10-31T02:19:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Well, one could argue that, having a visibly displayed valid placard would ensure a little bit of security to the driver that they aren’t going to be “light up” when they are parked in a handicap spot. So upon seeing such a thing happen, I don’t think it was that outrageous of me to then roll my window down and wave the placard a bit in front of his car.
Yeah - and if he really had been “lighting you up” for something other than the placard? And you really expect him to read the waving placard from within his car and let you be?
And a placard provides “security”?
And how would you like him to check that it was really you that is supposed to be using the placard? If he had kept you sitting there while he ran the license and everything would you have been happy then?
And further - you do know that you don’t appear disabled right? And the car you’re driving is unusal for a crippled person - all of which would add up to “articuable suspiscion” to me - (although I am not a laywer).
It’s pretty easy - well he was driving a low slung sports car, which is unusal for a person with a disability, and he had the obvious musculature of a very fit young man, which led me to think that perhaps the placard wasn’t his - so I asked about his handicap to find out more information.
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### Author:  [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/158 "2011-10-31T02:29:03Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#):
>
> Well, one could argue that, having a visibly displayed valid placard would ensure a little bit of security to the driver that they aren’t going to be “light up” when they are parked in a handicap spot. So upon seeing such a thing happen, I don’t think it was that outrageous of me to then roll my window down and wave the placard a bit in front of his car.
But, haven’t a great many posts on this thread been about idiot friends and family members illegally using someone else’s placard? And plenty of others (myself included) know those idiots but didn’t post about them, since that point had already been made? And aren’t you personally outraged when one of those limited number of handicap-accessible parking spots is taken by one of those idiots?
So why would you be upset that the officer was diligent in checking to make sure that YOU weren’t one of those idiots? 😕
Another point: I have read this post and your replies, and have previously skimmed other posts of yours, and notice a trend (and this is not a criticism, nor am I saying that I see this 100% of the time.) Your general habit seem to be (1) post OP, asking for opinions. (2) Ignore responses that may be valid, but are presented politely and disagree with your general opinion. (3) Respond vehemently (and not always politely) to posters who don’t agree with you and who aren’t as tactful as you’d prefer. So I have a question: Are you looking for opinions, or are you looking for validation of your opinions? (Serious question. It may save some people the time they waste posting thoughtful responses to your questions.)
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### Author:  [@stolatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolatt)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/159 "2011-10-31T02:36:25Z")
You know, there’s likely going to be one dick cop in an entire police force. I’ll bet that cop is a dick to everybody, not just you. Do what I do, let the cop do his thing, let him leave, hiss “dick!” under your breath and get on with life. People without handicapped placards take shit from cops on occassion too. I think you’ve become too attached to feeling angry and wronged.
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### Author:  [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2011, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-how-to-feel-about-this-cops-question/601263/160 "2011-10-31T02:39:17Z")
While it was kind of rude, I don’t see how this is much different than a cop checking to see if a car is really yours or if your DL is really you in the picture or running your stuff to make sure you didn’t have an outstanding warrant.
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