# Don't know if this is the right place, but i need help with this girl. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 6, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739 "2010-11-06T23:24:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2010, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/41 "2010-11-08T13:37:07Z")
> [@T1r3d@fTh1sCr@p](#): > > so the question is whether i should add her as a friend, try and reconcile or stay cold towards her. Listen, you’ve already put her in an “uncomfortable” position of having to blatantly reject you as her “boyfriend.” (Though how one distinguishes between “boyfriend” and “friend” in the virtual world is a bit fuzzy to me.) Then she reinforced what she’d already told you, that she wasn’t interested in you as a boyfriend, by talking about her ex-boyfriend. And most importantly, after you deleted her from your life altogether, she didn’t even mention it to her friends. Dude, she’s not into you. Maybe she was in the beginning. Who knows? But since meeting her, you’ve proven to her that you are: a) controlling; b) irrational; c) possessive; d) immature; and e) impulsive. So now you want to add “f) flaky” to that list by trying to befriend her again? Seriously? In short, no, don’t befriend her. Don’t contact her. Remove her from your phone (I simply don’t believe that you don’t know how to delete her from your contacts). Then focus on going to school and getting a degree that will allow you to support yourself. Join clubs. And turn off your computer because there’s a whole world out there where relationships are more than a series of IMs, and where you have the advantage of being able to read body language so that you don’t have to waste months of your time chasing a chick who’s not into you. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/42 "2010-11-08T14:19:33Z")
This mainly just reiterates what others have already said, but everything I’ve read and my personal experience agree: **Neediness is a huge turn-off**. It makes you a misery to yourself and unattractive to anyone else. What’s a turn-on? Having a Life. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/43 "2010-11-08T14:32:08Z")
Awesome Thing About Telecommuting #23: _Every_ day is No Pants Day. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/44 "2010-11-08T14:37:56Z")
I had an online crush in my teens once. Turns out, I didn’t really like _her_. I just liked being The Chosen One- the object of her affection and, most importantly, the one she chose out of a group of guys that I’d imagined existed elsewhere in her life. She rejected me similarly to you. The thing I learned, though, was that those girls were a dime a dozen and I got over her pretty quickly. You’ll get over her and find someone else quickly, I think. And might I add, you sound like you’ve already made a decision. Why are you bothering to ask us, then? Do what you already know you’re going to do. ---
**Author:** ![Frazzled](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frazzled/32/3368_2.png) [@Frazzled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frazzled)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/45 "2010-11-08T23:49:29Z")
Your relationship is as dead as Julius Caesar so the only thing left to do is ask yourself what you did right, and what you can improve when you meet the next girl. Based on your OP, I can see a few things you seem to have done very well. Obviously you have some conversational skills to be able to email back and forth as often as you did. Keep working on those and you’ll have no shortage of girls seeking you out to chat with you. I also commend you for having the guts to ask her to advance your relationship to the next level - given the amount of communication between you two I think you were right to think there was potentially something there, and you followed through and let her know you were interested. There’s nothing sadder than listening to guys complaining about the girls they _should_ have asked out in their past. What strikes me as odd is that after you asked her out you went through an awkward period ultimately blocking each other. Most girls don’t like hurting peoples feelings, so when they say “no” there is automatically an awkward situation. The best way to handle rejection is to put her mind at ease that there are no hard feelings, be kind, and then drop the subject. The next day, just go back to the friendship as though nothing happened. She’ll appreciate that you handled yourself so well, and now she knows that you are interested in her and won’t be weird about it. Over time, she may change her mind and let you know she’s taking you up on your offer - or maybe she won’t, but at least you gave it a shot. What you do NOT do when a girl rejects you is apologize! If you are sorry for asking her out, why did you even try? DO NOT react with anger - this just shows you are immature with your emotions. DO NOT negotiate - do not tell her she’s making a mistake by not going out with you; do not tell her you can change; do not keep harrassing her hoping she’ll change her mind. A no is a no is a no. If you react poorly to it, not only will you never have a chance to go out with her again, but you will very likely end any friendship with her as well (as you have seen with this girl). ---
**Author:** ![KevinShi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c57346/32.png) [@KevinShi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KevinShi)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/46 "2010-11-27T07:25:34Z")
shit. that was hard to read. i guess i was a teensy tinsy bit tipsy when i did it, but i guess that doesnt really help my case. Oh yeah guys i have met her in real life before if you bothered to read the damned original statement thing magig. great help guys, i feel fucking awesome… ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2010, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/47 "2010-11-27T08:19:23Z")
> [@T1r3d@fTh1sCr@p](#): > > …Oh yeah guys i have met her in real life before if you bothered to read the damned original statement thing magig… I just reread OP and still don’t see any explicit indication that you’d met in real life. What did we miss? ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2010, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/48 "2010-11-27T08:29:02Z")
You’ll impress her if you get a [jeep](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=566677). ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2010, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/49 "2010-11-27T08:32:59Z")
And don’t apologize for the username, it’s unique and creative. And it sure beats being a lonely goldam cahsew. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/50 "2010-11-28T01:10:51Z")
I agree with the majority here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking a chick out if you are interested in her. If she says “no,” then she says “no,” but there is no reason to apologize. But honestly, though, you don’t want to be friends with her, or else you wouldn’t be obsessing over it. Let her go, move on, find someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/51 "2010-11-28T15:08:56Z")
I agree with **Melon**. ---
**Author:** ![may\_be\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@may\_be\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/may_be_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/52 "2010-11-29T01:29:50Z")
You’re a complete bad ass ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2010, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739/53 "2010-11-29T01:52:41Z")
Who, **Auto** or the OP? Or both? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-if-this-is-the-right-place-but-i-need-help-with-this-girl/559739.md?page=2)