# Don't know what to do **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2013, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627 "2013-06-22T13:32:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/81 "2013-07-14T20:30:01Z")
> [@straightgirl73](#): > > Update: > > To the future people looking for advice..MOST of the people here don’t know what the heck they were talking about in my situation. > > Daughter came home-and although a few rough patches of hurt or anger, things are going pretty good. We started therapy immediately when she arrived home. We sent a message to “the guy” and said we would not follow through with charges if he kept away from her-no calls, text, etc…in order to heal this broken part of our family. > > I do not care about him or his life frankly…but only interested in seeing my daughter happy and strong. None of these people know my daughter, her personality, spirit or love of her family. > > I made a mistake reaching out to the world-public here, for answers during my turmoil..of deciding what to do. > > Honest: My loving husband next to me, my Jesus answering my prayers and keeping me strong through it all, friends (true ones) who lift me up during hard times and just knowing the changes my daughter has went through have carried me through this hard time. > > In no way is it as crazy as some people have predicted. People online-- don’t know the love, care and concern your family-actually shares. I am just glad I stayed true, honest in what and how I found out-who did what. I didn’t make up stories-I honestly care about my daughter and was only protecting her. > > Sooo, some teens get out of control… I have made many mistakes of being a parent as far as trusting, placing/sticking to rules, etc. My heart is in the right place, I am totally willing to do “WHATEVER IT TAKES”…to heal the broken pieces we had as a family. My husband and I both. > > I just want to tell those who may read post in the future, looking for answers..that: > > No one here knows your family or relationships in life-by the few sentences or paragraphs you write. YOU know your family better than anyone. You know the dynamics and love. Thank God I turned to him. I am surely not perfect and needed his love and blessings-to help me as a parent… HE is the answer. You seem to be suffering from selective memory loss. You were initially going to put this guy under the jail for a long, long time for defiling your precious daughter. You got a number of comments that this was not an appropriate or particularly useful course of action given the overall context of the situation with both your daughter and this young man engaging in what amounted to a consensual relationship, and that you needed to get a grip and treat her as a young woman not an erring child if you wanted to move her away from that relationship. You appear to have taken that advice. You’re welcome. Here is your OP as a refresher. > [@](#): > > It has come to the attention of my husband and myself last night, that our 16 old daughter is in a “relationship” with a 25 year old grown man. I am sickened by what the man has done to my daughter. I have read many post, opinions of what people think, but I know my daughter. She is not a “very mature beyond her age” girl who has strong self confidence, etc. This sicko was a security guard in our neighborhood last year, who was fired for having “inappropriate” behaviour with younger girls in neighborhood. > I do not care what “logic” you want to put in the scenerio. Truth is, he is a grown man and she was 15 last year-when he was here. It is sick-regardless what kind of “spin” you want to put to it. > I called the police and made a report. Our daughter is out of state until next week, to which the sex crimes division will need to speak with her. > My guess is, she will try to lie, make up stories, etc. I don’t care. My job as a parent is to protect her and that means, getting the law involved before I handle it myself and I end up in jail. Those are the ONLY two choices I can make. > Question is, what is your opinions of how to handle it from here? What suggestions do you have? > I love my daughter, I understand teens will do things and experiment and even have “true” feelings for someone. However, I am adult, a responsible one who don’t make excuses for wrong or inappropriate behaviour. He is an adult. I do not care about his circumstances, etc. > I hope that me pressing charges, involving her like this (which is required) wont damage our relationship beyond repair. It is not like she has hated me or anything her life. I have struggled at times raising her, but only in not wanting my baby to grow up too fast. (should be understood by many) > > I can’t sleep, I wake up with anxiety, I feel nauseated..I get full of rage at times. I pray and believe in Jesus, but I feel completely overwhelmed. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/82 "2013-07-15T00:20:21Z")
I’m very late to this thread, but straightgirl, I support you. I can’t believe some of the disgusting posts there are in this thread. I can only think they come from people who have never raised a teenage daughter. I wish your family the very best of luck in moving past this. Edited to add: astro, many people would have an initial reaction like straigthgirl did. I suspect her calming down and talking it through with her husband had more to do with her actions than the messages here which pissed her off. Talk about arrogance. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/83 "2013-07-15T01:16:46Z")
:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/84 "2013-07-15T02:14:01Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > :rolleyes: 😕 ---
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/85 "2013-07-15T02:43:57Z")
something creepy about this entire thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/86 "2013-07-15T03:49:32Z")
> [@stoplight](#): > > something creepy about this entire thread. Oh yeah. The whole, “Hey, let’s tell a bunch of total fucking strangers on a messageboard I have never posted on before what my pwecious pwincess did last summer with a total pervert!!!” angle is kind of creepy, for sure. The the denouement “See, y’all were wrong and Jeezus was right!” Um, ok, lady. Thanks for sharing something so personal - and by personal, I mean personal info about your teenage daughter. I’d sort of hate to meet you in line at Walmart or something, it’d be like running into some odd form of Ancient Mariner. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/87 "2013-07-15T03:58:06Z")
> [@Gleena](#): > > Oh yeah. The whole, “Hey, let’s tell a bunch of total fucking strangers on a messageboard I have never posted on before what my pwecious pwincess did last summer with a total pervert!!!” angle is kind of creepy, for sure. The the denouement “See, y’all were wrong and Jeezus was right!” > > Um, ok, lady. Thanks for sharing something so personal - and by personal, I mean personal info about your teenage daughter. I’d sort of hate to meet you in line at Walmart or something, it’d be like running into some odd form of Ancient Mariner. I was with her until she hauled out the Jeebus card. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/88 "2013-07-15T13:04:38Z")
Just a question. Does the quoted part mean that he got reason because he was already getting involved with your daughter at the time? I think many people are missing that part and think you called the cops at the first sign of the relationship, which is what you said in the OP (piece of advice: leave spaces between your paragraphs, your posts will be easier to read). > [@straightgirl73](#): > > Yes, my daughter knows of his “wrong doings” at the community clubhouse..but thinks that because those “wrong doings” are mostly about her, that is honestly true, love. > [@Phnord\_Prephect](#): > > You seem to put a lot of trust in that book we call The Bible… I wonder if there are any examples in it discussing younger-woman/older-man relationships. Perhaps a careful reading of it might indicate what your Deity considers appropriate. It seems to me that it advocates _bashing her to death with big heavy rocks_ at this point, but I’ll admit I haven’t read it recently, and that is by no means my advice. Nah, she’s unmarried. It would be either “accept her brideprice” or “kill him as well as his whole family and village (every man, woman and child).” ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627/89 "2013-07-15T18:31:54Z")
What difference does it make to the parent if the girl is having sex with a boy the same age or a 25 year old guy? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-know-what-to-do/661627.md?page=4)