# Don't mess with Keith Richards **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 4, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718 "2007-01-04T19:17:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/1 "2007-01-04T19:17:31Z")
Are these guys consumate professionals or what? Mick takes it all in without missing a beat, and Keith takes the time to tee up just right before he knocks the cr$#p out of the guy, then calmly slips his guitar back on and gets back into the groove. [WHACK!](http://break.com/index/keith_richards_hits_dude_with_guitar.html) ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/2 "2007-01-04T19:26:06Z")
That’s a strange way to treat an adoring fan. ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/3 "2007-01-04T19:28:14Z")
Charging him while he is performing is a strange way to treat someone you adore. Perfectly normal way to treat someone you want to harm or humiliate though. ---
**Author:** ![Birdmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71e660/32.png) [@Birdmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Birdmonster)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/4 "2007-01-04T19:32:04Z")
I don’t know the specifics beyond the video here, but it seemed like ol’ zombie Keith went to the violence pretty quickly. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/5 "2007-01-04T19:37:02Z")
Speaking of Keef, did we ever find out what he was doing in the tree he fell out of? ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/6 "2007-01-04T19:55:56Z")
[QUOTE=Birdmonster] I don’t know the specifics beyond the video here, but it seemed like ol’ zombie Keith went to the violence pretty quickly. [/QUOTE] Well, I don’t think Keef ever pretended to be the peace & luv type. Zombie? Maybe he was trying to split the guy’s skull open to get at the BRAIIIIINS… Shades of Pete Townshend clobbering Abbie Hoffman with his Gibson SG onstage at Woodstock! ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/7 "2007-01-04T19:57:51Z")
[QUOTE=Birdmonster] I don’t know the specifics beyond the video here, but it seemed like ol’ zombie Keith went to the violence pretty quickly. [/QUOTE] How much time do you think he had? "Pardon me sir, I see you have evaded the barricades and the security guards. Good show ol’ chap! May I inquire as to your intentions when you reach me in approximately .478 seconds? Would you like a handshake? A hug? An autograph? You see I am too busy at the moment to properly offer you the attention you so rightly deserve. But if you mean me harm, you must be a formidable foe to have defeated all barriers, including good sense, that stand in the way of you charging me while I play. No offense, but I think perhaps I will strike you with some sort of weapon if you come too close. Hmmmm, what do I have handy that is hard, heavy and shaped quite like a battle axe? Old fellow I think I have a perfectly champion weapon in this musical instrument. If you insist on charging at me like a wild boar, I shall rend your skull with it. HAVE AT YOU!" ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/8 "2007-01-04T20:07:08Z")
**newcrasher** That’s the least realistic written Keith impression ever! 🙂 Looking at the video though, it doesn’t seem plausible that this gig really was this past weekend. ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/9 "2007-01-04T20:11:28Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] **newcrasher** That’s the least realistic written Keith impression ever! 🙂 Looking at the video though, it doesn’t seem plausible that this gig really was this past weekend. [/QUOTE] OK… “Wha fu ru ooon in ma feckin batta doon itcha’ c’mon idnit? Feck off ye BAM!” ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/10 "2007-01-04T20:13:06Z")
[QUOTE=newcrasher] OK… “Wha fu ru ooon in ma feckin batta doon itcha’ c’mon idnit? Feck off ye BAM!” [/QUOTE] You’ve captured the essence of the man. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/11 "2007-01-04T20:32:52Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] **newcrasher** That’s the least realistic written Keith impression ever! 🙂 Looking at the video though, it doesn’t seem plausible that this gig really was this past weekend. [/QUOTE] That clip has been around for years, IIRC - I have seen it on a couple of guitar sites several times. I love it - well, I am not happy that the fan got bashed, but he was an idiot to rush onstage. The Stones aren’t a punk band that encourages stage diving and Keef maybe a zombie, but he doesn’t take shit from anyone - except maybe Chuck Berry, who legendarily punched out Keith backstage when Keith caught Chuck by surprise by tapping him on the shoulder or something… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/12 "2007-01-04T21:01:49Z")
[QUOTE=newcrasher] “Wha fu ru ooon in ma feckin batta doon itcha’ c’mon idnit? Feck off ye BAM!” [/QUOTE] He’s not Irish you know. I recall seeing in a documentary that the Stones got rushed an awful lot on stage during their heyday. Usually by male fans “who really just wanted to kiss them”, according to the biographer, but arriving on stage didn’t feel able to do this, so punched them instead. There were a few black and white clips of Mick Jagger getting twatted in the face to accompany the commentary. If this is true, then I’d imagine they’ve developed a self-defense mechanism over the years. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/13 "2007-01-04T21:41:02Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] He’s not Irish you know. [/QUOTE] “Feck off ye BAM” is definitely a scottish phrase…but then he’s not scottish either. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2007, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/14 "2007-01-04T23:54:00Z")
As my bass player once told me (some drunk had threatened me with a knife in a bar we were playing): “Remember, guitars are cheap.” Rock on Keef. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/15 "2007-01-05T01:27:39Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] I recall seeing in a documentary that the Stones got rushed an awful lot on stage during their heyday. Usually by male fans “who really just wanted to kiss them”, according to the biographer, but arriving on stage didn’t feel able to do this, so punched them instead. There were a few black and white clips of Mick Jagger getting twatted in the face to accompany the commentary. If this is true, then I’d imagine they’ve developed a self-defense mechanism over the years. [/QUOTE] Given the number of scary incidents involving fans in recent history, I think this mindset has become typical. If you’re an entertainer or athlete and you suddenly see some strange person who isn’t a well-endowed female with open arms appear on stage, on the field, or on the court, you have to assume the worst. If anything, Keith’s reaction was pretty restrained when compared to what happened to the various dumbasses who, due to extreme stupidity and/or mind-altering substances, invaded a baseball/football field, basketball court, or hockey rink. ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/16 "2007-01-05T01:43:24Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] I recall seeing in a documentary that the Stones got rushed an awful lot on stage during their heyday. Usually by male fans “who really just wanted to kiss them”, according to the biographer, but arriving on stage didn’t feel able to do this, so punched them instead. There were a few black and white clips of Mick Jagger getting twatted in the face to accompany the commentary. If this is true, then I’d imagine they’ve developed a self-defense mechanism over the years. [/QUOTE] In 1964 I was living in Blackpool when [this riot occurred](http://itsonlyrocknroll.com/catalog/auction_item.php?forcepa=1&unid=30799): > [@](#): > > 1. The Rolling Stones July 24th, 1964 appearance at the Winter Gardens in Blackpool was expected to be a typical frenzied affair but what actually occured transcended frenzy. Mick Jagger: “We were scared stiff. Nothing like this has ever happened before”. Charlie Watts: “I thought it was the most terrifying night of my life and probably the rest of the band would have agreed…”. . And from [here](http://www.ticketspecialists.com/concert/rolling_stones_tickets.htm): > [@](#): > > …while a national tour escalated into a series of near riots with scenes of hysteria wherever they played. There was an ugly strain to the Rolling Stones" appeal which easily translated into violence. At the Winter Gardens Blackpool the band hosted the most astonishing rock riot yet witnessed on British soil. Frenzied fans displayed their feelings by smashing chandeliers and demolishing a Steinway grand piano. By the end of the evening over 50 people were escorted to hospital for treatment. Other concerts were terminated within minutes of the band appearing on-stage and the hysteria continued throughout Europe. ---
**Author:** ![percussion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@percussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percussion)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/17 "2007-01-05T03:58:28Z")
[QUOTE=newcrasher] OK… “Wha fu ru ooon in ma feckin batta doon itcha’ c’mon idnit? Feck off ye BAM!” [/QUOTE] that was really funny thank you!! ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/18 "2007-01-05T05:44:42Z")
I have little use for Keith Richards, but in this case, I don’t blame him. I mean, in retrospect, don’t we all wish John Lennon had punched out that seemingly harmless autograph seeker at the Dakota back in 1980? Or that Monica Seles had slammed her racket into the face of that creep who came on thew court? A celeb doesn’t know whether the loonie approaching him is harmless or homicidal. Keith was probably wise to assume the worst. I speak as a football fan who remembers Mike Curtis of the Baltimore Colts with great affection… ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/19 "2007-01-05T15:08:16Z")
He’s got excellent reflexes for a man who’s been dead for 30 years. My heartiest congratulations go to the embalmer, as well as whoever it was that baked up that fatal batch of heroin back around 1973. That’s some powerful shit. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718/20 "2007-01-05T15:11:08Z")
[QUOTE=Kizarvexius] He’s got excellent reflexes for a man who’s been dead for 30 years. My heartiest congratulations go to the embalmer, as well as whoever it was that baked up that fatal batch of heroin back around 1973. That’s some powerful shit. [/QUOTE] He’s not dead - he’s in the Pirates of the Caribbean series! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-mess-with-keith-richards/386718.md?page=2)