# Don't read it if your lips are chapped **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 6, 2026, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688 "2026-06-06T17:43:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/1 "2026-06-06T17:43:08Z")
Don’t read it if your lips are chapped. Clickbait goes back as far as advertising, but that line from 1934 stopped me in my tracks. I’m writing an article about the Laugh Club, a book club started in 1932 by Robert M. McBride that proposed sending a new humor book to subscribers every two months, for a lower price even though the edition, unlike most book club reprints, was identical to the original. Sounds like a great deal for the Depression, but it lasted only two years. One of the last books was _The Nuder Gender_, a first novel by Joseph Hilton Smyth. That title is clickbait itself, but the ad that was placed in _Travel_ magazine, not coincidentally owned by Robert M. McBride, doubled-down on the come-on. > A rollicking yarn about a young man whose long search for a girl with two tiny moles on her left shoulder finally winds up in a nudist colony. Don’t read it if your lips are chapped. Yarns don’t rollick much these days, shame on us, but it’s the chapped lips I’m fixated on. All I can think of is that licking your lips when you see something really special, often in a sexy way, is a common trope, though I can’t remember seeing it in person. Am I missing some slang from the era? Why did the ad writer think this was the line to go with? The book is basically a meet-cute rom-com with the nudist colony a throwaway bit. It first appeared as a serial in _College Humor_ magazine, so no one of the day would have expected anything more than a glimpse and a giggle. Not a true lip-licker. That was the province of Thorne Smith, who, don’t get ahead of me, also was published by McBride. Ah, the prudish 30s. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/2 "2026-06-06T17:58:46Z")
ChapStick, Carmex and other petroleum lip palms were introduced in the 30s, but outside of possibly referencing a new wave of products, I dunno ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/3 "2026-06-06T18:03:04Z")
If your lips are chapped, they’re more likely to crack painfully when you laugh? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/4 "2026-06-06T18:47:24Z")
If your lips are badly chapped, licking them will make them worse as the wetness evaporates. Also, it’ll hurt when you lick them. You need what back then was called lip pomade (chapstick-like stuff in a round, flat tin). I still remember the smell of the brand we had - similar to chapstick, but with some other notes. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/5 "2026-06-06T19:37:52Z")
If you have chapped lips you won’t be able to wolf whistle when you get to the sexy parts. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/6 "2026-06-06T20:01:30Z")
[Bag Balm](https://bagbalm.com/?srsltid=AfmBOorp-uuA8MrUKNSAEv7U_YeUOITjRt6_FhSqHtaPYb-BlmSB8PJs) has been around since 1899. That stuff is excellent for chapped lips, but I don’t know if it was commonly in use for that purpose in 1934. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/7 "2026-06-06T21:06:10Z")
I got chapped lips on a Las Vegas holiday … and **Burt’s Bees** sorted it. 🕶 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/8 "2026-06-06T21:51:47Z")
We all have our go tos for lip smoothing. I’m not sure the OP is looking for our personal choices. I’m going with it would hurt if you smiled a bunch with chapped lips, so that makes it funny. I suppose. I guess you had to be there. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/9 "2026-06-06T22:00:10Z")
Yeah, this is a perfect, if trivial, example of what L. P. Hartley meant when he said “the past is a foreign country.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/10 "2026-06-06T22:05:32Z")
For me it immediately meant the book was funny. I’m one of those who regularly splits a lip by laughing too hard. (or just yawning.) ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/11 "2026-06-06T23:47:18Z")
Wow! (Another Laugh Club selection was titled _Hunting the Wow_, and I think I’ve just found it!) That sounds awful. Is there some underlying condition? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2026, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/12 "2026-06-06T23:50:29Z")
I don’t think so. Just thin, dry, skin and a juicy lower lip, I suppose. It’s always in the same spot too, right in the middle of my lower lip. Worst in the Winter time, I will sometimes wake up with it split open. My hands also chap so badly they’ll have open cracks in them. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2026, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/13 "2026-06-07T01:37:27Z")
My skin dries out badly in winter as well, but not to your level. Unpleasant at best. For your sake I won’t lend you my copy of the book. It’s filled with, well, here’s a sample. > From the waist down Geegee was very firmly entrenched in whipcord jodhpurs, only when she sat down all you were aware of was a thin blouse that had evidently been woven by a slightly impatient silkworm late for a heavy date with some moth in the neighboring pasture. I dare anyone not to wetten a labia oris after reading that. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2026, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/14 "2026-06-07T15:09:31Z")
“Don’t do this” was an ad trope in the 30s. A lot of ads started with headline point type that was simply “Don’t do this!” After you got people’s attention, you needed something else in the copy, like _why_ not. Once this ad strategy had been around for a while, the obvious and readily funny whys had been used, and copywriters were competing for most original and funniest why. Sounds like whoever wrote “if your lips are chapped” was reaching pretty far for their “why,” and fell flat. I’ve browsed a _lot_ of old newspapers and magazines on microfiche. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2026, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/15 "2026-06-07T15:53:41Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > reaching pretty far for their “why,” and fell flat. All the girls will tell you… Don’t let your lips go flat! Flat lips never get fat kisses. If you fall flat on your lips reach for PuckerUpper™. PuckerUpper™ is a tiny bicycle pump that you attach in the corner of your mouth. ♫Pump, pump, pump until your lips are plump, plump, plump. Kisses come for free!♫ ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2026, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/16 "2026-06-07T15:56:59Z")
That sounds like it is crying for a Slug Signorino illustration. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2026, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/17 "2026-06-07T16:04:39Z")
Slug has to wait, though you’ve put that image into my mind and I don’t thank you. I want radio to return first. I hear the jingle music in my head. Three angelic voices harmonizing on “Kiss-es come for freeeeeee!” ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2026, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-read-it-if-your-lips-are-chapped/1030688/18 "2026-06-07T23:05:48Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Flat lips never get fat kisses Dorothy Parker’s years on Madison Ave. are best forgotten.