# Don't sell sex toys in Texas!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 22, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396 "2003-12-22T01:28:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/1 "2003-12-22T01:28:02Z")
I just discovered that schtupperware is not legal in Texas!
It really is a whole 'nuther country!
[http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2003/12/15/national1648EST0708.DTL](http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2003/12/15/national1648EST0708.DTL)
---
### Author:  [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/2 "2003-12-22T02:00:42Z")
Holy crap!
“Hide them thar dildoes, Roy! The shu’f could show up any tahm now!”
> [@](#):
>
> schtupperware
heehee!
---
### Author:  [@hermann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hermann)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/3 "2003-12-22T02:01:32Z")
Sure, you can. Just be sure to call it a “novelty” item. Sex stores know the law and apparently she didn’t.
---
### Author:  [@TitoBenito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TitoBenito)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/4 "2003-12-22T06:45:29Z")
There are actually three sex shops within a mile radius of my house. They are all over the place and they have everything a sex shop should have. Its only illegal to call them dildoes or imply that they should be used as one (do you add an e in the plural like heroes or just an o like radios?). You have to come up with a very funny and creative name that makes it not sound like what it actually is. Its really stupid but also kind of amusing.
---
### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/5 "2003-12-22T07:16:46Z")
None of this is doing anything to **Qadgop’s** implied argument that Texas has major issues.
---
### Author:  [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/6 "2003-12-22T08:35:24Z")
Oh, that’s such a stupid law. So many sex shops in Austin sell them. I’ve been to a sex toy party down there.
In some ways, I really hate Tx, heh.
---
### Author:  [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/7 "2003-12-22T13:04:23Z")
Do they have gun salesmen doing house calls there ?
---
### Author:  [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/8 "2003-12-22T15:51:35Z")
That doesn’t mean it’s not a stupid law, **hermann**.
---
### Author:  [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/9 "2003-12-22T16:17:37Z")
News items like that make it unnecessary to badmouth Texas politics.
---
### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/10 "2003-12-22T16:24:07Z")
This isn’t the only arrest lately. I’ve heard of others being charged over the summer. Ms. Webb is the only one to fight the charges. All the same folks, until the courts come to a decision, anything more than six of 'em and they’re “anatomical models” and “personal massagers.”
Speaking of which, it’s apparently pretty hard to say “anatomical model” when you’re shopping for one. It sometimes sounds just like Porky Pig: “Excuse me, where are your anana…atam…anta… uh, dildoes!”
---
### Author:  [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/11 "2003-12-22T19:34:11Z")
There is an excellent urban legend about this room in the Dallas police department with thousands of dildoes in it, confiscated over the years…
Local laws actually vary. In Austin, during the 1980s, it was illegal to own or sell a dildo that was “anatomically correct;” personal vibrating gadgetry was perfectly legal, and still is.
In Dallas, from what I’m told, anything vaguely penis-shaped was illegal, which no doubt led to the banning of various vegetables and roll-on deodorants…
Yes, this is Texas. We have issues. But don’t mention them, or we’ll shoot you.
---
### Author:  [@micco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/micco)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/12 "2003-12-22T20:15:39Z")
We keep laws like this on the books to maintain the proud tradition of Texan [freedom fighters](http://dildodiaries.com/). We wouldn’t want to go soft.
Note: the link above may not be work-safe, depending on how threatened you are by inanimate objects.
---
### Author:  [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/13 "2003-12-23T01:04:34Z")
I can imagine the signs now:
> [@](#):
>
> NOVELTY VIBRATING PLASTIC CUCUMBER
>
> Warning: do not use to insert into vagina, or to massage clitoris, else you may experience intense pleasure which is (1) illegal and (2) immoral.
---
### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/14 "2003-12-23T01:49:08Z")
Actually, they say:
> [@](#):
>
> [SUB]SOLD AS A NOVELTY ONLY
>
> WARNING:
>
> THIS DEVICE SHOULD NOT BE USED OVER SWOLLEN OR INFLAMED AREAS OR SKIN ERUPTIONS.
>
> DO NOT USE ON UNEXPLAINED CALF PAIN.
>
> CONSULT A PHYSICIAN. THIS DEVICE IS INTENDED FOR USE ON THE EXTERIOR OF THE BODY AND IS NOT SUGGESTED FOR PENETRATION OF BODY OPENINGS.
>
> (retailer’s name)
> (retailer’s city and state)[/sub]
At least this one does…
---
### Author:  [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/15 "2003-12-23T02:56:50Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Shade \*
> I can imagine the signs now:
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > NOVELTY VIBRATING PLASTIC CUCUMBER
> >
> > Warning: do not use to insert into vagina, or to massage clitoris, else you may experience intense pleasure which is (1) illegal and (2) immoral.
Forget vibrating cucumbers! What about vibrating watermelons? (he asks, noting that Wang-ka has posted in this thread :D)
---
### Author:  [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/16 "2003-12-23T03:11:06Z")
Hm. Well, I should point out that if sex toys really WERE illegal in Texas, I would not have been able to construct the [BORGMELON](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=195331&highlight=watermelon), as at the time, I lived in south central Texas, not far from Austin.
This was how I determined that “anatomically correct” sex toys were illegal in Austin at the time, and for all I know, still are. “Personal massage devices,” though, are not illegal, regardless of their shape, so long as they do not resemble anatomically correct erect penises.
And for that matter, those can be had, too, if you know where to look.
Or so I’m told. All I cared about at the time was vibrators…
---
### Author:  [@Vezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vezer)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/17 "2003-12-23T07:54:13Z")
When a friend of mine turned 18 he went to an adult store.
He bought a “personal massager”.
He took it to school.
He used his “personal massager”…
On his back
The girls were jealous.
😃
---
### Author:  [@Lando\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lando_Griffin)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/18 "2003-12-23T08:31:53Z")
Screw the sex toys (no pun intended, I swear), doesn’t anybody else have a problem with the fact that this guy’s a former FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER?
Won’t somebody please think of the children? 😉
---
### Author:  [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/19 "2003-12-23T13:32:41Z")
No, not really. Teachers aren’t allowed to have a sex life? Even after they change jobs?
Wow. At the discount department store down the street from my house, the dildos, pocket pussies, lubes and latex goodies are two steps from the Monopoly sets and Star Wars figures.
---
### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396/20 "2003-12-23T13:57:07Z")
No they aren’t, the guns are, and that’s because it’s safer to have kids playing at killin’ each other than to have 'em playing at… SEX!!!
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-sell-sex-toys-in-texas/220396.md?page=2)