I’m sure you’re correct, but “weeping into their early-morning martini olives” doesn’t pack the same humorous punch as the Cheerios line. I took a little journalistic license with the essay, and assuming that NYT editors are sorta similar to regular humans was one of the points I stretched.
Well, there’s artistic license, then there’s sailing off the edge of the world. 
You’re right. Gotta rein that in a bit.
An alternative for yellow squash is:
- Fry a few bacon slices in a pan. Remove when done.
- Drain off all but a few tablespoons of the bacon fat.
- Drop in slices of yellow summer squash, a thinly-sliced onlon, and crumble some of your cooked bacon rashers over it.
- Saute until squash is crisp-tender. Don’t overcook until it is mushy!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…
Great story, but how in the heck are you going to get a unbiased jury now you have blabbed about it all over the Dope? Monroe County’s gotta be chock full of Dopers!