# Don't tell me you're interested and you'll call when you're not and you won't! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 27, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361 "2003-01-27T23:59:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/21 "2003-01-31T01:31:31Z")
That’s not to say that I didn’t make any mistakes at all in this. But I’m a little offended at the assumption that I go around shoving my phone number at people who give me no indication of wanting it. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/22 "2003-01-31T01:49:51Z")
Hey hotshots, how about considering he accidentally washed the number or forgot where he put it? Is this not a definite possibility? With no way to contact you in the meantime, he may have wanted to but could not. I’d say that you should wait till you see him next, but don’t make any moves. If he says something about losing it, you know he wasn’t trying to blow you off. If he doesn’t say anything, his loss. I am a guy. I admit to losing a whole lotta important shit. It’s male nature sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/23 "2003-01-31T01:51:49Z")
Incidentally, I’m not too worried about this anymore. I was kind of upset when I saw him on Monday, but, at this point, I have other things to be neurotic over. Besides, it’s really stupid to waste lots of emotional energy over someone who doesn’t want to see you, anyway. And, **Monalisa9** , I’m not convinced that there’s nothing in what you say. I’ll bet there’s still a basic expectation in this culture that it’s more normal or acceptable for guys to do the asking out. But I’ve known women who’ve had good relationships that started when they asked out some guy they liked. Like you, **Alice in Wonderland** , I’m not exactly a mouse, and having a relationship with someone who wasn’t comfortable with my personality wouldn’t work out well. In short, to hell with it. Thanks to everybody who said that ASL guy was a jerk and that my wardrobe (or lack thereof) didn’t automatically make me ugly. I felt a whole lot better after I read that stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/24 "2003-01-31T01:54:18Z")
**Red\_dragon60** , didn’t I do that already? I mean, if he was going to call, a week and change would have been enough time, right? And if he had lost my number, wouldn’t he have said something to me (or at least been willing to make eye contact) on Monday? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/25 "2003-01-31T01:55:25Z")
BTW–the tendency to lose stuff isn’t just a male trait. I do quite a bit of it myself. ---
**Author:** ![jack\_ss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c77e96/32.png) [@jack\_ss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_ss)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/26 "2003-01-31T02:21:02Z")
We are ignoring the possibility that he got involved with someone else in the meantime. Maybe she was there in the lab when you walked through? I still think what he did & how he handled it was chicken shit, but I’ve dated 2 women in the past 3 months who “broke up” with their boyfriends on day 1, asked me out on day 2, dated & bedded me on day 5, then got back together with their boyfriend on day 6. I guess it’s easier on the conscience than just admitting to themselves that they’re cheating on their boyfriends with me. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/27 "2003-01-31T03:23:55Z")
Oh, **Jack@ss**. I’m sorry to hear that you got treated like that. (I was tempted to say that I was sorry to hear you got screwed. But I don’t think that would be taken in quite the way I meant it.) ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/28 "2003-01-31T04:28:04Z")
Crapulence. Didn’t see the Monday part. Sorry mate! ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/29 "2003-01-31T04:54:09Z")
> [@](#): > > I used to get mad when my mother would say that I should let the men do the chasing, but I know now that it may be old-fashioned, but it’s true. Bullshit. You women just chase the wrong men. ---
**Author:** ![Calredic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@Calredic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calredic)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/30 "2003-01-31T09:09:24Z")
Don’t be bitter, Blalron. It won’t get you anywhere you want to be. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/31 "2003-01-31T13:41:38Z")
[waits for the strains of the “Women Don’t Want Nice Guys Waltz” to begin] While I have no dog in this race (being gay and all), I have to say that this is not just a man/woman phenomenon. It’s happened to me, and (much to my shame) I’ve been the perpetrator on occasion. Although lately I’ve been trying to be up front about not being interested when the situation occurs rather than politely nodding my head during the conversation and taking the number (never to be used). I guess maturity is catching up with me… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/32 "2003-01-31T13:46:30Z")
Case in point (if you’ll bear with me): I actually have a little bit of a hard time trusting people I’ve just met to actually be interested in talking to me rather than just listening to be polite. So I meet this friend-of-a-friend the other night, a man who has a reputation for being a bit of a prick (outspoken and generally not one to suffer fools gladly). And he’s been fairly involved in conversation with me for at least three nights in a row this week. Now, ironic as it is, I trust that he’s actually interested in talking to me _because_ of his reputation. He’s just not the kind of guy to sit there and talk to someone because it’s expected as a courtesy. If he didn’t want to talk to me, he wouldn’t, period. It’s kind of a refreshing change from my normal bouts of minor paranoia (“Is this person actually interested in talking to me or am I just boring him to tears?”). ---
**Author:** ![Monalisa9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@Monalisa9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monalisa9)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/33 "2003-01-31T17:35:49Z")
Well, maybe sometimes men like the woman to be the aggressor, but in my experience, this has never worked. As a matter of fact, the meaner I am to men, the nicer they are to me. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![andymurph64](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@andymurph64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andymurph64)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/34 "2003-01-31T17:54:46Z")
I get a kick out of women complaining about having to experience **once** what many singles guys experience over and over and over and over and… Welcome to the party, pal! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/35 "2003-01-31T23:33:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monalisa9 \* > \*\*a guy who won’t take the first step is a wuss, \*\* You just called my SO a wuss. :mad: Well, I can bet you his black belt that my SO can beat up your SO! [size=1]That was a joke, BTW, just for the humour impaired.[size] ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/36 "2003-01-31T23:34:02Z")
And _that_ was bad coding, for the visually impaired. ---
**Author:** ![andymurph64](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@andymurph64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andymurph64)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/37 "2003-01-31T23:43:22Z")
Now, exactly, what is wrong with the woman making the first move? He wasn’t interested. He lied in order to ‘save’ her feelings… Get used to it! It happens to guys all the time. Women who experience this are just getting a small taste of what guys have to/had to do ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/38 "2003-02-01T00:00:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monalisa9 \* > As a matter of fact, the meaner I am to men, the nicer they are to me. Go figure. We call these men “chumps.” ---
**Author:** ![Payne\_N.Diaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Payne\_N.Diaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payne_N.Diaz)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/39 "2003-02-01T04:10:21Z")
Where in hell are all these forward women?? I must have landed on the wrong planet or something, because I have yet to see one. (jeans and an old sweatshirt can be HOT!) ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361/40 "2003-02-01T04:47:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Where in hell are all these forward women?? At a guess, in relationships with the people they’ve asked out. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-tell-me-youre-interested-and-youll-call-when-youre-not-and-you-wont/151361.md?page=3)