# Don't want sex with GF anymore :( **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2011, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643 "2011-08-22T11:39:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/81 "2011-08-23T02:01:59Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > “Eating her out” and “fingered”? Really? About someone you say you love? How old are you? I’m just curious. If you’re over 60 you can go quietly on your way. Remember that it’s OK to answer the phone after dark. If not I’ve got a rolleye smiley waiting for you. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/82 "2011-08-23T02:14:41Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > I’m sorry, I can’t get over the fact that you thought that tying her up would be a good idea. Yes, let’s take the woman who is clearly uncomfortable with whatever the two of you are already doing, and this time let’s restrain her so she can’t get away. Now that’s unfair. I see it as a guy who knows what he’s doing isn’t working, so he tries to “spice it up” specifically as advised frequently, and there’s no way it happened without her consent. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/83 "2011-08-23T02:30:27Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > No contraceptives unfortunately. We have talked about it but she doesn’t like the idea of taking pills. Okay, I have a thought, and forgive me if I’m wrong. Do you dislike condoms, and maybe telegraph that a little when using them? Do you think it would be easier if she just took birth control pills? Do you know if she has any reasons other than not liking the idea of taking pills? Some women have valid reasons and preferences for not taking hormonal contraceptives. Maybe she tried them before and they made her gassy or cry all the time. Maybe she thinks it’s unnatural. Maybe the loves the hell out of ovulating. I’ve heard all of these arguments against the pill from friends. If she’s getting from you a resentment about using condoms or a disinterest or dismissiveness about her reasons for not taking the pill I could see where she might be a little turned off. If my husband had been unsupportive about my decision to stop taking the pill after 8 years he might be disappointed with the frequency and quality of sex as well. It’s a really huge decision for a woman about her body and I think that some men don’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/84 "2011-08-23T02:41:51Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > I’m sorry, I can’t get over the fact that you thought that tying her up would be a good idea. Yes, let’s take the woman who is clearly uncomfortable with whatever the two of you are already doing, and this time let’s restrain her so she can’t get away. Are you envisioning he tied her down without her consent or agreement? Because I read that as being something she was at the very least game for at least trying and once they were in the middle of things, it wasn’t working. _It would be good for **Dog80** to come back and clarify so we wouldn’t have to fill in the missing pieces with our imaginations._ ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/85 "2011-08-23T02:46:51Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > Are you envisioning he tied her down without her consent or agreement? Because I read that as being something she was at the very least game for at least trying and once they were in the middle of things, it wasn’t working. > > _It would be good for **Dog80** to come back and clarify so we wouldn’t have to fill in the missing pieces with our imaginations._ Oh come on, he was _ **clearly** _ talking about a consensual event. She panicked once the _consensual_ event went awry. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/86 "2011-08-23T02:48:49Z")
I don’t think it was unconsensual or that she was afraid of _him_, as such, only that if she freaked out that much it may be an indication (when taken with other apparent intimacy issues) that something happened to her at some earlier point in her life. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/87 "2011-08-23T02:51:54Z")
Time to shut down the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/88 "2011-08-23T02:54:11Z")
Has she ever enjoyed it? I mean, it may not be this relationship. Has she had problems with it in previous relationships, for example? Or is this her first sexual relationship? ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/89 "2011-08-23T02:57:46Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It kind of 8th grade. In 9th grade, they move to fisting. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/90 "2011-08-23T03:06:50Z")
Only with the teachers. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/91 "2011-08-23T03:18:10Z")
9th grade? Fisting no, but anal yes. What a great year that was. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/92 "2011-08-23T03:33:36Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > … The OP’s idea of “spicing it up” sounds like male-oriented porn to me, which is fine, if you’re looking at male-oriented porn, but he’s trying to make love to his real life GF which is different than porn. I known the girls in porn all seem to get really, really hot at the notion of being tied up, riding giant dildos, and wearing totally impractical sexy outfits, but remember, they’re _actresses_. Real life women _sometimes_ get off on that, but quite often they don’t, they doing it for the man, and what turns _them_ on is something completely different. this bears repeating. if she’s the one with the hangup, you should explore stuff _ **she** _ enjoys, instead of focusing on trying to please you. if you find that said stuff aren’t what you want.. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/93 "2011-08-23T03:40:06Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > this bears repeating. > > if she’s the one with the hangup, you should explore stuff _ **she** _ enjoys, instead of focusing on trying to please you. I agree. However, what I read from the OP is that she wasn’t communicating (at least from his perspective). > [@Dog80](#): > > I have talked to her about it several times but it only seems to make things worse. > From my point of view I have tried everything to fix things while she doesn’t put any effort to it. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/94 "2011-08-23T07:29:26Z")
He has talked TO her, but has he talked WITH her? Has he listened? ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/95 "2011-08-23T07:58:12Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > He has talked TO her, but has he talked WITH her? Has he listened? We don’t know. I’m detecting a strain of responses in this thread that seem to have prejudged him as a piece of shit before we know all the details. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt because he’s here asking for help to save his relationship. I just want to reserve judgement until all the relevant facts are in. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/96 "2011-08-23T09:55:20Z")
People who want to be in a romantic relationship with you have sex with you, full stop. If she is not having sex with you, she’s just not that in to you. Seriously, go get the book and switch the pronouns around. If you knew a girl whose boyfriend froze up when she touched him, you’d tell her something was up, right? Men and women are different, but not that different. We both have nerve endings and a drive to reproduce. We both have sex with the partners we are attracted to. We both don’t have sex with people we are not attracted to. If you aren’t having sex, that means she’s not attracted to you. That’s just how it is. What you have on your hands is at best a friendship. It could be that she is trying to end the relationship by default. This happens a lot. and is often pretty subconscious. You get mentally checked out of a relationship, but don’t have the guts to end it (especially common when living together, when breaking up is just a lot of work and it’s just so much easier to stay together in a half-okay situation). So you find yourself half-assing the relationship, with the endgame being that it breaks apart without you having to really be responsible for it. It’s a passive-aggressive break up method. It could be that she was never sexually attracted to you in the first place. It’s harsh, but it happens. In the early stages of the relationship it’s easy to get caught up in the hormones and the rush of things and gloss over the fact that specifically _sexual_ attraction isn’t there. You may get so excited about the other aspects of the relationship that you just figure the sexual attraction must also be there. And in all the heady feelings of an early relationship, it’s easy to just get swept away. But eventually the cold light of day seeps in, and seeing that person’s body and face every single day starts to trigger some uncomfortable feelings. Having sex with someone you aren’t attracted to feels fundamentally wrong to most people, and can make you freeze up and even panic. It could be that she is cheating. This brings up huge feelings of guilt when you have sex with your committed partner, and the whole thing is just unpleasant and becomes something you want to avoid. In any case, I’d say it’s pretty much over. People who don’t want to have sex with each other are not lovers. ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/97 "2011-08-23T12:21:30Z")
Thanks for the replies. I will try to respond to everyone. About the bondage thing: I brought it up as an idea and she reluctantly agreed. I didn’t intend it as serious bondage, all I wanted was to just tie her down and start with some massage etc. We didn’t have a safeword because all she had to do was to ask me to stop. I tied the hands but when I got to the legs she panicked and pulled her leg hard ☹ I didn’t even make the knots too tight, after she pulled they came apart on their own. > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Dude, if things are dry enough that it’s painful for _you_, how do you think it feels to _her_? :eek: Excuse me for a moment while I knot my knees protectively together at the very thought. Actually I have wondered about that too. For me, the pain comes from the inside of the condom rubbing on my penis, maybe it is more comfortable for her. Anyway, she has never complained about that and believe me, if it was causing her even the slightest discomfort she would tell me. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/98 "2011-08-23T13:49:32Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > Actually I have wondered about that too. For me, the pain comes from the inside of the condom rubbing on my penis, maybe it is more comfortable for her. Anyway, she has never complained about that and believe me, if it was causing her even the slightest discomfort she would tell me. Easy solution: Put a drop of lube **inside** the tip of the condom. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/99 "2011-08-23T14:15:22Z")
Also, if you are using condoms that are “ribbed for her pleasure”, stop turning them inside out before you use them. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643/100 "2011-08-23T14:38:39Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > People who want to be in a romantic relationship with you have sex with you, full stop. > > If she is not having sex with you, she’s just not that in to you. Seriously, go get the book and switch the pronouns around. If you knew a girl whose boyfriend froze up when she touched him, you’d tell her something was up, right? Men and women are different, but not that different. We both have nerve endings and a drive to reproduce. We both have sex with the partners we are attracted to. We both don’t have sex with people we are not attracted to. If you aren’t having sex, that means she’s not attracted to you. That’s just how it is. What you have on your hands is at best a friendship. The freezing up could indicate some past trauma, though. She may be attracted to the guy but past experiences have freaked her out to sex in general. That’s why I think it’s important to know if this is recent or if this is just peculiar to this relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-want-sex-with-gf-anymore/593643.md?page=6)