# Don't you know? The Jews invented evolution... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 14, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238 "2007-02-14T19:03:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/21 "2007-02-14T20:22:16Z")
Adam Sandler will have to modify the song Darwin and the turtles in Galapaga Like to celebrate Chanukah ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/22 "2007-02-14T20:24:23Z")
Clearly, evolution still has a long way to go (and farther for some than for others). Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go practice walking upright. ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/23 "2007-02-14T20:25:25Z")
[QUOTE=Plynck] Like they say, 50% of the world is below average. Too bad they are meddling with politics and education instead of something innocuous. Like whether the end of the toilet paper roll should hang down or come up over the top. Too bad there wasn’t something about that in the Bible. [/QUOTE] “And the LORD did speak unto Moses, saying, thou shalt not hang thy rolled bum-wiper so that it emerges from beneath the holder, for it is an abomination in My sight. Rather, hangest it thou so that it comes forth from atop the roll, which pleases me greatly.” The Book of Charmin, 1:23 ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/24 "2007-02-14T20:29:08Z")
[QUOTE=zev\_steinhardt] How do people like this get to be elected officials? [/QUOTE] _It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics._[right]Robert A. Heinlein, _The Notebooks of Lazarus Long_[/right]You get the government you elect, and you elect the government you think you deserve. **Larry Mudd** , I love the link. Do you think it is maintained by [Time Cube](http://www.timecube.com/)-theorist Dr. Gene Ray’s evil twin? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/25 "2007-02-14T20:29:49Z")
[QUOTE=brownie55] The changed his name from Darwinstein. [/QUOTE] And it’s a little-known fact that he wanted to call it “Jewvolution”! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/26 "2007-02-14T20:31:20Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] Ladies and gentlemen, all they need is an attractive blue-on-yellow logo and sinister mirror-universe moustaches. [/QUOTE] Great Eris, you’re right! That’s messed up. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/27 "2007-02-14T20:32:31Z")
> [@h.sapiens](#): > > “And the LORD did speak unto Moses, saying, thou shalt not hang thy rolled bum-wiper so that it emerges from beneath the holder, for it is an abomination in My sight. Rather, hangest it thou so that it comes forth from atop the roll, which pleases me greatly.” Actually, according to what was found at the Qumran community, early Christians were _very_ passionate about anal hygiene. There are many references to the importance of a full immersion ritual bath as soon as possible after defecation. A sensible policy, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/28 "2007-02-14T20:32:54Z")
[QUOTE=h.sapiens] “And the LORD did speak unto Moses, saying, thou shalt not hang thy rolled bum-wiper so that it emerges from beneath the holder, for it is an abomination in My sight. Rather, hangest it thou so that it comes forth from atop the roll, which pleases me greatly.” The Book of Charmin, 1:23 [/QUOTE] This gave me a really good laugh, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/29 "2007-02-14T20:36:11Z")
Will **Darwin’s Finch** have to rename himself as **Pharisees’ Finch**? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/30 "2007-02-14T20:42:10Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] Actually, according to what was found at the Qumran community, early Christians were _very_ passionate about anal hygiene. There are many references to the importance of a full immersion ritual bath as soon as possible after defecation. [/QUOTE] Perhaps they realized that future believers would be shoving their heads up their asses. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/31 "2007-02-14T20:42:12Z")
[QUOTE=h.sapiens] “And the LORD did speak unto Moses, saying, thou shalt not hang thy rolled bum-wiper so that it emerges from beneath the holder, for it is an abomination in My sight. Rather, hangest it thou so that it comes forth from atop the roll, which pleases me greatly.” The Book of Charmin, 1:23 [/QUOTE] \*But this commandant pleased Moses not, and Moses was most distressed and he answered the LORD with confusion saying, “But LORD, Wouldst it not be much better to hangeth the bum-wiper so that it emerges from 'neath the roller and not above?” And the LORD rebuked Moses, saying “No, I have commanded that it be hanged from the top, and that is what I meant. if I had meant to say it should hangeth from the bottom, I would have SAID ‘hangeth it from the bottom.’ I have told you to hangeth it from top and I am the LORD!” But Moses still did not assent and said to the LORD, “but LORD, does thou not knowest that hanging it from the top is the gay way?” And the LORD was much aggrieved and thundered down to Moses saying, “No! Hanging it from the bottom is the gay way. I am the LORD and I will decide what is the right way and what is the gay way! Now go and do my bidding and do not question me again or I will infest you with bleeding hemorrhoids.” And Moses went out and hanged the wipers-of-bung as the LORD had commanded, but even unto the end of his days, Moses was much displeased by this and still thought it was the gay way (though he never told the Lord).\* ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/32 "2007-02-14T20:56:44Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] Did anybody check out the [website of The Fair Education Foundation](http://www.fixedearth.com/), referred to in the memo?Bring on the New Dark Ages! Woohoo! [/QUOTE] Still, you do have to give them credit for not being _completely_ reactionary. They do believe the earth is round. (Although I wouldn’t be surprised if this group has a disgruntled minority of flat earthers who thinks they sold out to the “godless secularists” advocating the “lie” of a round earth). ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/33 "2007-02-14T20:57:01Z")
What does the Book of Charmin says about the issue of bunching vs. folding? ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/34 "2007-02-14T21:00:48Z")
Next thing you know, those nasty evolutioinists will be telling us that Jesus himself evolved from the Jews! Filthy heathen evolutionists! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/35 "2007-02-14T21:03:11Z")
Wow. I may be a rabid atheist, but at least I’m a pious bum-wiper hanger. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/36 "2007-02-14T21:17:59Z")
> [@zev's link](#): > > AUSTIN – The second most powerful member of the Texas House has circulated a Georgia lawmaker’s call for a broad assault on teaching of evolution. > > House Appropriations Committee Chairman Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, used House operations Tuesday to deliver a memo from Georgia state Rep. Ben Bridges. [QUOTE=zev\_steinhardt] How do people like this get to be elected officials? [/QUOTE] Yeah! Thank goodness those voters have never elected a future president! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![want2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/37 "2007-02-14T21:27:34Z")
[QUOTE=Ludovic] AllOneGodFaith! Dilute OK! [/QUOTE] THERE you are! I sent you my $5–where are my God-damned Essene Scrolls? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/38 "2007-02-14T21:36:30Z")
I think the Book of Charmin needs to be added [here](http://www.blogphilo.com/wikiwrit/index.php?title=Main_Page). ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/39 "2007-02-14T21:42:39Z")
Now, see, that’s just sloppy conspiring. Any conspiracy worth its salt shouldn’t have to cover the whole playing field in order to advance its occult agenda. If your conspirators are any good at all, then they should be able to do the same job with only a single conspiracy in motion. Mutually opposing conspiracies are really just an exercise in wasted energy for all concerned: a successful conspiracy should operate with the precision of a flawless Swiss timepiece, not by blasting away with buckshot and shrapnel in all directions. The sad truth is that Jews have historically been fairly mediocre conspirators. Fine ethnic group, many sterling qualities, but skill at conspiracy? Not so much. Now, Phoenicians; they know how to conspire. ---
**Author:** ![Orbifold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orbifold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orbifold)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2007, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238/40 "2007-02-14T21:49:49Z")
From the article, emphasis added: > [@](#): > > “ **You ought to teach creation** as well as the fact of evolution,” Mr. Chisum said, though he said “all of those kinds of sciences have holes in them. … **But I’m not about teaching religion in schools.** ” _Damn_, but that’s some powerful cognitive dissonance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dont-you-know-the-jews-invented-evolution/392238.md?page=3)