# dooms day device? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302 "2001-09-01T17:10:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ali0r](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@ali0r](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ali0r)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/1 "2001-09-01T17:10:44Z")
k…When you make some toast…butter it, then have the misfortune of dropping it :(((…it will ALWAYS land butter side down. If you pick up a cat…drop it (though by no means am I giving you an incentive to go drop cats :p), it too will ALWAYS land on its feet. Now if we take both these ‘laws’ into consideration…what would the unimaginable consequences be, were we to do the unthinkable and attach a piece of toast (butter side up) onto the cats back and drop them !? \ ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/2 "2001-09-01T17:29:30Z")
The toast does not have a sense of up/down. The cat, however, does possess some modicum of free will, enough to tilt the balance of inerial stalemate, thus landing feet-first. ---
**Author:** ![ali0r](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@ali0r](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ali0r)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/3 "2001-09-01T17:49:21Z")
oh, so no chaos and/or total annahilation? mmm…not much fun 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/4 "2001-09-01T18:47:10Z")
But beware the ire of the cat. It may cause total annihilation of your apartment if you try this experiment. Hell hath no fury like a cat tied to buttered toast. Especially if you’re keeping the cat from playing with the paper grocery bags. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/5 "2001-09-01T19:37:24Z")
You’re all wrong. Drop a cat with a butter-side up toast on its back, and the cat/toast will stop about a foot above the floor, spinning around and around for all eternity. ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/6 "2001-09-01T19:41:07Z")
Ah yes… Schroedinger’s Butter-Cat Engine. Wasn’t that used in one of the _HitchHiker’s_ novels? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/7 "2001-09-01T20:14:22Z")
But if the cat can reach the toast while spinning (they are quite nimble) and lick all the butter off? ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/8 "2001-09-01T21:03:09Z")
Of course nothing will be annihilated. The cat-toast system will simply spin in place forever, as a sort of perpetual motion machine. But the **General Motors-Exxon-General Electric-Federal Government-Illuminati-Trilateral Commission** conspiracy is keeping it from the public. Where was I? Oh, yes. Off to MPSIMS. bibliophage moderator, GQ ---
**Author:** ![Hanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b3f665/32.png) [@Hanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanna)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/9 "2001-09-01T22:15:17Z")
When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into eternity. A “buttered-cat array” could replace pneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and “giant buttered- cat arrays” could easily allow a high-speed monorail to link between New York with Chicago. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/10 "2001-09-01T22:22:49Z")
Arrays would also provide for rest and recreation for the felines and the replacement of rancid butter. An excellent idea. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/11 "2001-09-01T22:40:50Z")
The cat will land on his feet and immediatly after will rub his back against your pant’s leg. The toaster pushed by the cat will fall on your head while you’re cleaning your pants, in retribution for your failed attempt to overcome Murphy’s law. Never try to mess with them! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/12 "2001-09-01T22:59:33Z")
I’ve always hated the “hovercat” explanation. We have two laws here: First, the cat always lands on its feet, and second, the toast always lands butter-side down. The simplest scenarios violate one or the other of these laws… But the hovercat scenario violates both! If the cat never lands, then it doesn’t land on its feet, thus violating law 1, and if the toast doesn’t land, then it doesn’t land butter-down, thus violating law 2. This is supposed to be an improvement? The correct solution is obviously that the cat lands on the floor, on its feet, and then immediately proceeds to roll over onto its back. This way, cat feet land, butter lands, and _both_ laws are satisfied. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/13 "2001-09-01T23:31:25Z")
One plan to avoid this is to 1. thicken peoples skulls; 2. make them about twice as tall; and 3. this space intentionally left blank. Once people are taller, the tables from which toast falls will be high enough that the moment of inertia of the toast will carry it through 360 degrees, instead of 180 degrees as things are now. Therefore, cats and toast will agree on which way they will hit the floor. Naturally, skulls must be thickened in order to prevent humans from splattering their brains over kitchen floors worldwide when they trip over buttery cats. One byproduct of thicker skulls will be that conspiracy theories will become much easier for short people to understand. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/14 "2001-09-01T23:42:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\* cat feet land, butter lands, and _both_ laws are satisfied. \*\* Dammit Chronos, quit confusing people with the facts! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/15 "2001-09-02T00:00:41Z")
> [@](#): > > You’re all wrong. Drop a cat with a butter-side up toast on its back, and the cat/toast will stop about a foot above the floor, spinning around and around for all eternity. Close, but no cigar. Not only does it continue to spin for eternity, its rate of spin _accelerates_. Eventually, it will be spinning infinitely fast and it will wink out of existence. > [@](#): > > If the cat never lands, then it doesn’t land on its feet, thus violating law 1, and if the toast doesn’t land, then it doesn’t land butter-down, thus violating law 2. This is supposed to be an improvement? The law isn’t “They always land”, period. It’s “They always land butter-side/feet-side down.” Whether or not they actually land is immaterial. So, yes, it is an improvement, as it keeps the law from being violated. ---
**Author:** ![buh-buh-buh-BACON](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@buh-buh-buh-BACON](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buh-buh-buh-BACON)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/16 "2001-09-02T00:09:00Z")
rather than concern ourselves with universal destruction, might I suggest that you all have merely been buttering the wrong side of the toast? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/17 "2001-09-02T00:23:58Z")
Smart Alec. ---
**Author:** ![Journeyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@Journeyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Journeyman)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/18 "2001-09-02T00:39:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tattva \* > \*\*Hell hath no fury like a cat tied to buttered toast. Especially if you’re keeping the cat from playing with the paper grocery bags. \*\* Can I quote you on this? Pleeeeeease? ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/19 "2001-09-02T00:51:07Z")
My toast lands butter side up. Seriously, it does. Every. Single. Time. It’s not _what_ you know, it’s _Who_ you know… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302/20 "2001-09-02T01:00:44Z")
Duh, what will happen is that the cat will land on it’s side, really hard. It will die, the cat will come back to life (unless it’s it’s 9th life, that’s another story), roll over and the toast will fall off of the cat, of course on it’s butter side. It also involves titanium sporks (yes they exist, I own one, it’s usefull for everything). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dooms-day-device/79302.md?page=2)