My husband is a door opener. Old fashioned, but true, it’s one of those gentlemanly deeds that remind me he’s my manly man and I’m his cherished wife. It has nothing to do with capability - I’m the same wife who helped him move major appliances and furniture when we’ve moved.
It’s a courtesy that he extends to women of all ages, from little girls to the elderly. I’m glad he’s teaching these things to our son both by example and words.
Like ace33, Mr. Adoptamom is a tall man and finds it very easy to grab the door and finish opening it if I happen to reach it first and nudge it open a bit. I find myself automatically adjusting my step in order to allow him to reach it first most times.
The one courtesy I wish he would change is allowing me to go first when we’re making our way through a crowded room of people. He is so much bigger, in sheer mass, than I am that I often misjudge spaces betwixt folks that I can wiggle through and he can’t if we’re holding hands. It’s much, much easier if he goes first, breaks the path, and lets me follow in his wake.
I grew up in Alabama, so I have kinda come to expect it. Its not about women being “useless” its about a man showing respect, which I know some have trouble with (not all, just some). I mean, I don’t just stand there waiting for someone to open it, but if I walk through it with a man, it is nice for him to hold it open. But, they don’t always. I got slammed with one not long ago becuase I assumed he was holding it open for me too (apprently the thin blonde a step ahead of me was the only one worth the gesture).
I hold the door open for anyone who’s coming behind me if I think they’ll get to the door before it would normally shut completely. If it’s someone who looks like they’d really appreciate some assistance - very old, very young, carrying something, etc. - I’ll hold it longer. I was always told as a small child that it’s polite to get doors for people when it’s convenient, and I don’t usually take note of whether someone getting the door for me is male or female. If a guy is a little ahead of me and opens a door, I’m not going to get annoyed at the perceived slight. All the same, I HAVE had guys lunge forward, cut me off, and practically push me out of the way so they could open the door for me. THAT is really annoying.
I’m an equal-opportunity door-holder. If I reach the door with someone a pace or two behind me, I open the door and hold it for them, regardless of gender. If I notice that someone is hampered by carrying things or dealing with children, or if I am walking with someone, I generally maneuver discreetly so that I reach the door first. Making a production out of it only makes everyone uncomfortable (unless it’s done in a deliberately comical manner). I also find it awkward to hold the door for someone who is more than about five feet behind me, so I don’t do so unless they’re carrying something that would make opening the door problematic.
Sadly, I think many of the small courtesies are falling by the wayside. Still, some of us try to keep them alive. Why, I have even been known to smile and make eye contact with people I pass on the street. A living fossil, I am.
If I’m with a woman or someone carrying stuff, I’ll try to get the door; if I’m with the guys, whoever’s closest usually gets it. I think part of that comes from advice my grandfather gave me. I was about 10 and was going somewhere for lunch with him and my grandmother. We were approaching the door and I was running around doing 10 year old kid stuff, when my grandfather said, “get the door for your grandmother.” Some time later, I either asked why, or he decided to explain why, but it was “just something that men do.” I realized (not at the time, but I have now) that it only takes a moment, no real energy, and in most cases, makes someone feel special.
As for holding, if someone’s within, ohh, I’d say about 4 steps, I’ll hold it for them. Within 6-8, I’ll give it a little push so it’ll still be open for them, but I can get on with my business. Beyond that, I don’t really worry about it.
Here’s the question: what about car doors? If I’m with my semi-SO (as in it’s not really clear what kind of relationship we have, not that she’s semi-significant. Or semi-other) and we happen to approach the car from the passenger side, I’ll open it (don’t have keyless entry, so I have to actually gasp use the lock manually), but closing is always awkward. Do I do it? Do I let her take full responsibility? Do I lend a helping hand? Am I way overanalyzing the use of a door?
I always open doors–just seems like a nice thing to do, and has nothing to do with a woman’s ability. I open for men, women, children, non-rabid animals, and so on. I do try to do it so that it’s unobtrusive and not awkward, but there are some awkwardly oriented doors and the reaching across or reaching behind thing can be a challenge sometimes. Still, I try.
I am prepared, however, if I ever run into a militant feminazi who tries to give me a hard time when I open the door for her. My response will be, “I’m sorry. I mistook you for a lady.”
