# Dope about bachelor parties **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517 "2003-08-11T23:41:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Zhen\_ka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zhen\_ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zhen_ka)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/221 "2003-08-14T18:38:14Z")
Just FTR, I am female. I don’t know if that changes things. Just wanted you all to know that mine is not a male perspective. I think that my opinions seem to match those of most of the men in this thread. IMHO, there is not a large difference in those opinions based on the sex of the respondent. The opinions offered that I agree with are those that are the most reasonable to me. Just my $0.02. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/222 "2003-08-14T18:42:55Z")
“Or do you have a broader definition of “name calling” than the rest of us?” Guess so. I think it’s mean to be called “manipulative” since it’s not generally a nice term (name). Are we arguing definitions again? YOU also tend to focus on the negative things you perceive from my posts instead of recognizing the efforts I have made. You are complaining that I am only agreeing with the people that have the same opinion as I do (go figure) but then you have not agreed with anything I am saying either. I think I have made great strides in trying to improve my relationship and I think I’ve proved it many times on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/223 "2003-08-14T18:46:01Z")
Just FTR, I agree with men on many topics too. As I said, I was pro-bachelor party originally until a guy convinced me I should at least re-think it. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/224 "2003-08-14T19:01:06Z")
Skank is a name. Skanky is an adjective. Manipulative is an adjective. Manipulator is a name. We are all about Fighting Ignorance here. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/225 "2003-08-14T19:09:11Z")
OK Bill. I apologize to anyone that took Skank personally (again) and for my improper grammar usage (geez). I mend my complaint to say that I was called a mean adjective. Why do you focus on these unimportant things? I guess it’s just fun and I don’t really take it personally since I realize that you don’t know me. You can ignore all of my admirable traits and point out even the minor flaws (my grammar?) but I asked for it when I posted on this particular board. I was looking for feedback and I’m getting it. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/226 "2003-08-14T19:25:01Z")
It’s important to be careful with language around here. You may have noticed that many of the posters here are a very analytical lot, and so will have a tendency to pick at your words to either expose flaws in your arguments or simply to gain a better understanding of what you are saying. This is why people take exception to your calling strippers “skanks” and “whores” and people who go to nude beaches “perverts.” Those words may be too strong to describe your real attitude on those issues, and it’s important to make sure that you are saying what you really mean. There are differences in meaning between words, and while folks in other places might not pick up on those, people here will. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/227 "2003-08-14T19:37:23Z")
Actually, it is not so minor a point here. There are rules of civility and we reserve the name-calling of other posters for the BBQ Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Zhen\_ka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zhen\_ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zhen_ka)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/228 "2003-08-14T19:42:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tster \* > OK Bill. I apologize to anyone that took Skank personally \*\*(again) \*\*and for my improper grammar usage (geez). > > I mend my complaint to say that I was called a mean adjective. Why do you focus on these unimportant things? I guess it’s just fun and I don’t really take it personally since I realize that you don’t know me. You can ignore all of my admirable traits and point out even the minor flaws (my grammar?) but I asked for it when I posted on this particular board. I was looking for feedback and I’m getting it. (Bolding mine) Not to hound you, but where did you apologize for using the word “skank.” I’d gladly be corrected if I missed it, but I don’t recall you making any such apology. And to be clear, I did not take your usage personally. I just disagreed with you on your characterization of strippers. You seem to react strongly to differing opinions. I agree with **UncleBill** in that no one in this thread has called you names. We may have questioned your opinion–I certainly questioned your name-calling when it came to the strippers–but, I think that most of the folks here have attempted to offer their opinions in a respectful way. I don’t think that he is focusing on “unimportant” things. You mentioned being called names and he responded to that accusation. I mentioned that you seem a bit “testy” when challenged. I don’t want to misunderstand or mischaracterize you, but you do seem to get offended easily. For example, adding that unnecessary “geez” at the end of your first paragraph. I apologize if I am misreading you. The drawback to having online conversations is that you often can’t tell a person’s intention when he/she is writing. Emotion is easy (for the reader) to attribute to an statement that may be innocent to the person writing it. If I have made such an error, I do apologize. ps. Apologize in advance for any coding errors. I can’t preview without being timed out. ---
**Author:** ![Dogman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Dogman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/229 "2003-08-14T20:05:37Z")
Tster - ‘YOU are the one that convinced me that perhaps I shouldn’t just turn a blind eye to it when the time comes. That I SHOULD be worried. You are the one that caused me to post this message on this board and I have been given incredible grief over this niggling doubt in my mind from this mostly male group’ Yep. What I shared on the other board was my experience in bparties which can be summed up in the following equation young immature males (or lack of mature supervision) + way too much alcohol + certain type of female entertainment + private location = potential for behavior that you don’t want to explain later I shared with Tster some pretty extreme experiences. Bottom line, the lack of fun, wasn’t worth the risk factor. The difference of opinion between Tster and I on the other board more related to whether the above factors (particularly way too much alcohol) had the potential to effect an otherwise trustworthy male into some less than trustworthy behavior behavior. My experience was that the potential is there. We agreed to disagree. I recommended to make sure you have some mature supervision and if you really need to see some flesh, go public at a high class joint, preferably on the weekend for better chick quality and security. Tster - your a big girl, you can handle the grief. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/230 "2003-08-14T20:07:49Z")
Bill… I did apologize but did not receive any… but that’s ok (like I said, I asked for it and you apparently don’t see anything wrong with how you phrase things). I apologized somewhere in general not for using the word skank specifically. Sorry again. I do tend to get defensive when I am on the attack, as I have been through most of this thread. It didn’t happen on the other thread because I was among mostly women and they were much more considerate and friendly with their comments. Here is different. I am trying to defend my positions and I am being called “testy”. I am told I should not say “geez” anymore. Most of you have not agreed with one single point I have made (I think I made my point about jealousy & trust relating to the opposite sex very well) but you continue to nitpick at anything negative you can find. I accept this only because I am enjoying myself here and I do appreciate your time. I am waiting to hear from Dog because he is the one who convinced me to come here in the first place. He has very strong opinions against bachelor parties and I am curious how you guys will react to his opposition. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/231 "2003-08-14T20:09:23Z")
I think I might have said something about her having “issues” with the pervert at the beach thing but then I apologized - so if it was me you were talking about - again, I apologize. Other than that…I didn’t call you names did I? Definitely not anything like a skank - and I did say that was offensive to me. I have never even been a stripper, I just find it offensive and a bit extrreme. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/232 "2003-08-14T20:11:31Z")
Dog, if I couldn’t handle the grief there would not be 5 pages of this thread. To be clear, I never felt like you called me names or talked down to me in any way. We might not always agree but I respect your methods (most of the time!). ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/233 "2003-08-14T20:13:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mipiace \* > \*\*For anything else you have said you totally made me think you are completely nuts two pages back when you said “all single guys who go to a nude beach are perverts” > > Nude beaches don’t have a damned thing to do with sex and if you think they do you need deep deep therapy perhaps that is the real issue. There is nothing wrong with the naked body. It is beautiful. I have raised my children on nude beacches for God’s sake does that make me a pedofile? Oh and BTW - I am single too so I must be a pervert, I still love to sunbathe nude. \*\* Okay that is what I said and I do truly apologize. I don’t think you are nuts. You are entitled to your opinion even if it is a lot more restrictive than mine. I’m sorry.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/234 "2003-08-14T20:16:24Z")
mipiace - I wasn’t talking about you. You misunderstood what I said and then apologized. Can we get past the skank thing please? I was wrong & I learned not to be so extreme with my feelings. I’ll talk like that to my friends, who agree with me. On here I’ll respect the feelings of strangers because I don’t know how they will take it. ---
**Author:** ![Dogman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Dogman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/235 "2003-08-14T20:23:41Z")
added note on post quality to everyone here. This is my first experience on this board. And I must say everyone does handle themselves with an admirable decorum. I hear what everyone says on better bparties. Many of them sound fun. Am too old for that now. Thankfully. I don’t really want to relive some of my experiences anyway. ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/236 "2003-08-14T20:24:32Z")
Yeah I think to my satisfaction if I ever get married again, (not that I think it is in my plans for at least 10 years but…) I do think it merits a discussion for reasonnable expectations) but I think I would be pretty comfortable with giving him quite a bit of leeway so that SHOULD be cool. But thanks for bringing up a thought provoking subject. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/237 "2003-08-14T20:34:03Z")
Hmmm. I think I know what has bothered me the most. Not so much the feeling that everyone is against me but that I’ve been told 3 or 4 times that I should break up with my bf because of how I feel. It’s hard to explain how frustrating it is for complete strangers to tell me that simply because I’m strongminded and not as openminded about public sexuality as others. My bf is ok with it, no, he respects me for it. I am trying really hard to build this great relationship into a lifelong one and so is he. Every single friend I have has agreed with me about strip clubs/ bachelor parties and many have been even more against them than I am. My friends are levelheaded and educated and know my bf & I. I somehow feel that there are people who are afraid to post on here to agree with me because they are afraid that their opinions will be invalidated also. ---
**Author:** ![Tster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@Tster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tster)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/238 "2003-08-14T20:37:00Z")
Would you guys agree that the more you are with someone the more you trust them? Do you trust someone more after 20 years than when you get married? If so, does that mean you didn’t fully trust them when you committed? ---
**Author:** ![Dogman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Dogman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/239 "2003-08-14T20:37:50Z")
Tster - ‘Dog, if I couldn’t handle the grief there would not be 5 pages of this thread. To be clear, I never felt like you called me names or talked down to me in any way. We might not always agree but I respect your methods (most of the time!).’ I know, we’ve done many posts on the other board. That board is pretty civil as well. Usually, I’m the one outnumbered over there. Doesn’t bother me. Don’t see this bothering you either. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Zhen\_ka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zhen\_ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zhen_ka)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517/240 "2003-08-14T20:42:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tster \* > \*\* > I do tend to get defensive when I am on the attack, as I have been through most of this thread. It didn’t happen on the other thread because I was among mostly women and they were much more considerate and friendly with their comments. Here is different. I am trying to defend my positions and I am being called “testy”. I am told I should not say “geez” anymore. > > \*\* Respectfully, no one in this thread has told you not to use any word you choose. I did not say that you should not use the word “geez.” My only comment was that if you are not careful with your word choice, someone might call you on it, or think you are “testy.” Actually, I apologized in advance if I read what you had written incorrectly. That is my way of carefully choosing my words. I have tried to engage you in polite conversation. I am aware that you feel like you are being attacked. FWIW, I am not attacking you, and regret that you may feel that way. To explain a little further: It’s what **Geobabe** wrote earlier (apologies for snipping, I don’t mean to misquote you). > [@](#): > > It’s important to be careful with language around here…**(snipped)** > > There are differences in meaning between words, and while folks in other places might not pick up on those, people here will. Please accept my words in the spirit they are intended. Saw this on preview: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Tster_ > I’ll talk like that to my friends, who agree with me. IMHO, I think that this sums up pretty well why you’re having such a problem with this thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dope-about-bachelor-parties/194517.md?page=13)