# Doper Confessions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2008, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044 "2008-08-23T20:19:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/201 "2008-08-27T15:43:26Z")
[QUOTE=Really Not All That Bright] -I like to tie up girls. Not to railroad tracks or anything, just to beds and such. [/QUOTE] But how do you coax the train into your bedroom? ---
**Author:** ![kittenlm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ce7236/32.png) [@kittenlm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenlm)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/202 "2008-08-27T15:46:50Z")
Ok, here it goes: 1. I get antsy if I don’t have a big change in my life in the span of 2 years. I need to find a new job, move, etc. 2. I love my husband and trust him explicitly yet I’m still psychotically jealous. ☹ 3. I have so many quirks, especially about germs, it’s not even funny. 4. I hate dishes and haven’t done them in over 5 years. My husband and I have an agreement - I cook, he cleans. It works perfectly since I wouldn’t touch dirty dishes with a ten foot pole. 5. I’m more of an introvert than I would like to be. I generally don’t like people and it takes a lot for me to open up. I get along with people much better on the internet than I do in real life. 6. I have extreme sexual fantasies about my husband but usually wind up having regular (albeit wonderful) sex. 7. I had my husband take pictures of my cleavage last night but I’m too shy to post them. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/203 "2008-08-27T16:00:13Z")
[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies] [li]The ladies trying to out do each other with bikini pics and cleavage are making me laugh, yet I feel the female urge to participate.[/li][/list] [/QUOTE] Well, don’t let us stand in your way. I figure if we get four or five more women posting pictures to this thread we can just about charge admission… “Doper Girls Gone Wild! Call now and order with your credit card and receive a bonus thread!” > [@](#): > > But how do you coax the train into your bedroom? I find that twiddling my moustache usually does the trick. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/204 "2008-08-27T16:14:09Z")
- When I see an “interesting” post by a female doper, I look up her other posts to see what other “interesting” things she’s said. There was one who no longer posts who I was practically falling in love with because of this about 5 years ago (she started the ‘ask the all-girls boarding school’ thread) - I once paid an otherwise platonic friend to do a strip show for me. And this is AFTER I started a thread about it where the overall response is this was the creepiest thing ever and they would lose me as a friend if I made them that offer. - I haven’t been to a dentist in 4 years, mainly because of insurance/cash issues. I also smashed out one of my teeth when I got a horrible horrible toothache that wouldn’t go away…and it actually solved the pain, although I have to clean out the gap after every meal. - I also sometimes think about sex. With you. - I’m very hypocritical about weed usage. I’ve recently started using it when I’m bored (injested with food) but I still hate all potheads and 420 mentality and I will not be your friend if you smoke pot. - I download way more movies, tv shows and DVDs than I actually watch. I have enough to keep me busy for the next 20 years…and yet 98% of that collection has never been viewed. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/205 "2008-08-27T16:31:52Z")
[QUOTE=Asimovian] 5. I’m pretty mechanically inept. I remember there being a thread a while back on 25 things every guy should know how to do (or something like that), and I think I knew five of them. [/QUOTE] Hey, I remember being shamed by that thread, too! [QUOTE=Stauderhorse] When I’m bored I go through the craigslist personal ads and make fun of the guys I see. [/QUOTE] Heh, you’re cool. I could see myself doing something like this. Speaking of which… over the past, I don’t know, year maybe, I’ve been turning into a bit of a people-hating jerk and I’ve been enjoying every moment. I sometimes spend hours a night at work reading and posting to a subforum of a different board that’s kind of like the BBQ Pit here, but more devoted to mocking and laughing at selected posters by searching their posts and quoting and commenting on the worst/most embarrassing ones. Surprisingly most of the people doing this are at least mid-to-late '20s. I can be very, very shallow in certain ways. I’ve never had a female friend who was unattractive, and really can’t see it happening in the future. Not exactly proud of that, but oh well. I know it’s not what he meant, but [this](http://img381.imageshack.us/my.php?image=postsek4.jpg) juxtaposition of two posts on this page made me laugh my ass off. I like opiates too much. Like, way too much. ☹ Damn, I come off like a real dick in this post! On preview: > [@fusoya](#): > > - I once paid an otherwise platonic friend to do a strip show for me. And this is AFTER I started a thread about it where the overall response is this was the creepiest thing ever and they would lose me as a friend if I made them that offer. I remember that thread. The response was about 99% negative. Why’d you even ask if you were just going to do it anyway? ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/206 "2008-08-27T16:43:05Z")
Because 3 times in a row she was complaining about how she needed some quick cash. I non-shalantly mentioned that there are ways to make some quick cash without much effort. She said she wasn’t gonna whore herself for $ and I said ‘not whore, just strip’ and she took me up on it. And no, she didn’t stop being my friend and things didn’t get weird, but shed probably kill me if she knew I made either of these posts. In retrospect, I probably should have put that $ towards a dentist appointment… ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/207 "2008-08-27T16:57:55Z")
[QUOTE=Algher] I waste a lot of time at work, but I am good enough at winging it that I keep getting promotions and raises. This makes me feel both guilty and arrogant at the same time. I also have yet to pay the real price for procrastination. [/QUOTE] Greetings, kindred spirit. It bothers me sometimes how much work time I spend screwing around on the net, while still getting good reviews and somehow managing to crank out good quality work at the last minute. I’ve done this all my life–in school, too. Like you, it makes me feel guilty and arrogant. > [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > I would much rather be female. I’ll trade you: I often think I would be happier as a guy, or at least as some kind of androgynous person. I’ve never been particularly comfortable being female, I’m terrible at it, I don’t like kids or makeup or frilly stuff or chick flicks or “girl talk” or 99% of women’s fashions. Only problem is, I don’t like a lot of stereotypical guy stuff, either, like sports or hunting or being obsessed with sex. I’m a geek. Most of the time I feel like my gender doesn’t (and shouldn’t) matter. I’m happily married to a guy who understands my weirdness (and is mostly okay with it), but I still think about it sometimes. In situations where gender isn’t relevant, all I want to be is “one of the guys.” I don’t go to places that require dressing up because I feel like I’m in drag when I wear women’s clothes (especially any sort of dress or skirt). I would love to be able to wear suits, tuxedos, and other male dress-up clothes without looking either silly or like I raided the spouse’s closet. BTW, **Tabby\_Cat** , you’re wrong: I check out Chinese guys sometimes, especially if they have spiky hair and are dressed stylishly. There’s a certain sexy-Asian-guy look that I quite like. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/208 "2008-08-27T17:17:38Z")
1. I skimmed this thread for cleavage pics before I read it. 😉 2. I am another one of those guys that fantasizes about many of the women he sees, in detail. This is kinda cool because I’m in an open marriage and kinda pointless because… 3. Despite the fact all my buddies, even my closest ones, think I’m a self-confident and occasionally brash macho man, in truth I’m painfully shy around new people unless I’ve got a numbers advantage (that is, unless I’m with my friends and so I can play up my normal self-confident dynamic knowing I’ve got a safe group to retreat to). In addition, and in what’s certain to freak out many people I know in real life… 4. I posture and goof at being a guy’s guy, playing football and swilling beer and whatnot, but deep down I think I’d like to be able to at least try out being a stereotypical woman. When it’s just my wife and I, I can be pretty submissive/demure without even really realizing I’m doing it. 5. I have forgotten how to hit on/pick up people. Add to that the difficulties inherent in “yes, I’m married, but it’s an open relationship” and I often get deeply depressed about my inability to make new sexual partners–despite the fact my wife and I have a very good sex life. I worry that I’m allergic to monogamy or something. 6)…I think my wife has better cleavage than any of y’all who’ve posted so far. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/209 "2008-08-27T17:29:34Z")
[QUOTE=fusoya] - I’m very hypocritical about weed usage. I’ve recently started using it when I’m bored (injested with food) but I still hate all potheads and 420 mentality and I will not be your friend if you smoke pot. [/QUOTE] Sort of on topic: My brother plays disc golf and ultimate; half the stuff he eats is organic (he even belonged to a co-op he had to work on the farm a set number of hours for once; ) is extremely socially liberal; on our trip to Colorado wanted to go to a Buddhist meditation center even though he’s not Buddhist…and ALWAYS complains about how much he hates Hippies. I’m like dude, the only difference between you and them is you don’t smoke! ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/210 "2008-08-27T17:32:55Z")
[QUOTE=Zeriel] 6)…I think my wife has better cleavage than any of y’all who’ve posted so far. [/QUOTE] She’s reading this, isn’t she? It’s okay, you can tell us. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/211 "2008-08-27T17:41:43Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] She’s reading this, isn’t she? It’s okay, you can tell us. [/QUOTE] She’s a member but she doesn’t generally post or read much. =P I’m just being honest–that woman I married, she does pack some serious curves. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/212 "2008-08-27T17:44:53Z")
I’m very disappointed that in light of my first confession no one has asked to see my cleavage. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/213 "2008-08-27T17:48:44Z")
[QUOTE=Really Not All That Bright] I find that twiddling my moustache usually does the trick. [/QUOTE] Well played, sir. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/214 "2008-08-27T17:54:35Z")
Although I sail (semi-professionally), I can’t swim. I’m not afraid of the water at all, but I’m uncoordinated and just can’t manage to flail my arms, kick my feet AND breathe all at the same time or whatever. I despise seafood of any kind. Cannot stand the smell of it and would prefer to never set foot in a restaurant that serves it. Unfortunately, my husband loves all forms of seafood, so I do smell it a lot. Just the opposite of many posters, I love condiments. I love condiments and herbs and spices and rubs and sauces WAY more than what they go on, in general. This includes salt. I currently have at least 6 different kinds of salt in my kitchen and I have been known to put salt on ham and bacon. I don’t watch regular TV or movies. I was born without an attention span and can’t follow the “plots” to save my life. I also have a tough time recognizing faces, so the characters are all a blur to me and I can’t tell who is who. So I’ve never seen most movies you could name, including all those old movies that everyone else in the universe has seen. Same with TV shows - never seen the Simpsons or Friends or Seinfeld or CSI or anything. Only documentaries and stupid home decorating/improvement shows. Oh, and Cheaters - it just cracks me up. Now _there’s_ a confession for you. I don’t even look at You Tube stuff, primarily because the slow download and jerky playback irritate the hell out of me. I can be really emotional and cry easily. Like at beer commercials. It’s embarassing as hell and I go to enormous lengths to hide it. And then confess it on a message board. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/215 "2008-08-27T18:24:28Z")
[QUOTE=Really Not All That Bright] Well, don’t let us stand in your way. I figure if we get four or five more women posting pictures to this thread we can just about charge admission… “Doper Girls Gone Wild! Call now and order with your credit card and receive a bonus thread!” [/QUOTE] Nah, that’s ok. I use my livejournal for picture spamming. Plus, I’m a 32B, no cleavage. I realize these are confessions and all, but some of them are a bit scary. There are so many Dopers and I get people mixed up sometimes so I need to bookmark this page so I can remember some of them. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/216 "2008-08-27T18:26:23Z")
Y’all need to stop talking about tying people up and sex and stuff because I’m at work right now and I can’t be all hot and bothered at work. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/217 "2008-08-27T18:34:43Z")
[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies] I realize these are confessions and all, but some of them are a bit scary. There are so many Dopers and I get people mixed up sometimes so I need to bookmark this page so I can remember some of them. :eek: [/QUOTE] It was the moustache twirling thing, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Merhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Merhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merhouse)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/218 "2008-08-27T18:35:01Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] I’m very disappointed that in light of my first confession no one has asked to see my cleavage. [/QUOTE] I confess that I’d like to see Otto’s cleavage 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/219 "2008-08-27T18:46:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Khampelf** > > I think what Al Gaddai means is that… > > We can’t see your eyes, darlin’. Okay, you can see my eyes in [this one](http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=598972&l=1975d&id=638028496). [Also in this one](http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=679837&l=f3500&id=638028496). My boobs are visible in both of these pictures but it doesn’t have the same impact as the other photo, I promise. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/220 "2008-08-27T18:58:39Z")
Are you accepting Facebook friend requests from Dopers? 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044.md?page=12)