# Doper Confessions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2008, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044 "2008-08-23T20:19:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/281 "2008-09-05T14:14:37Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > I’d like to dress up as a pirate! \* slinks away miserably.\* Arrr. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/282 "2008-09-05T14:26:32Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > [Go nuts, babe. 🙂](http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=598975&l=55baa&id=638028496) I can only hear this as something **SSG Schwartz** says to exhort his testicles to greater effort while he’s spankin’ it, like a cheerleader would say “Go Wildcats!” “Go Nuts! You can DO it!” ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/283 "2008-09-05T14:29:11Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Ah. > > Another confession: I have never seen the Simpsons. Not once. Ever. Which brings us to my confession. I WISH I’d never seen an episode of The Simpsons. What an abysmally stupid show. While I’m at it, I hated Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stempy (sp?), Futurama, and King of the Hill. Family Guy has proven to be the least ridiculous of these type of shows but after all of the others, “adult cartoons” are a complete waste, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/284 "2008-09-05T14:38:17Z")
> [@Jaade](#): > > Which brings us to my confession. I WISH I’d never seen an episode of The Simpsons. What an abysmally stupid show. While I’m at it, I hated Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stempy (sp?), Futurama, and King of the Hill. Family Guy has proven to be the least ridiculous of these type of shows but after all of the others, “adult cartoons” are a complete waste, IMO. South Park? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/285 "2008-09-05T15:06:49Z")
Confession: I feel bad that I don’t love my family very much. My own family- my wife and kids- I do love, but my parents and siblings- not so much. They’re OK people I guess, we’re generally close, see each other often and have never had any major issues that would threaten to separate us, but when I look into my heart and ask myself how I really feel about them, I don’t feel much. I’d probably miss talking to some of them occasionally, but I don’t really see myself being sad at their passing (if they die). And the knowledge of that makes me sad, because it makes me realize I’m probably much colder and insensitive than I should be. If that makes any sense. On the other hand, sometimes a Hallmark commercial will make me tear up. I got misty watching the montage during the credit roll at the end of the closing ceremony broadcast for the Olympics, after the Bob Costas sign-off. So maybe I’m not that insensitive. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/286 "2008-09-05T15:20:39Z")
Two confessions, one mundane, the other edging into [PostSecret.com](http://PostSecret.com) territory: 1. I go into the bathroom more often, and stay there longer, than I need to… because it’s the only place I know my family will leave me alone for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and kids, but for the love of Pete, can’t you do _anything_ for yourselves? We’ve had the exact same entertainment-center setup for like seven YEARS and my wife still has to ask me EVERY TIME how to set it for watching a DVD. The bathroom is my sanctuary. 2. With every passing year, I like my mother less and less, and sometimes I wish she would just go away forever. ---
**Author:** ![Rolken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df788c/32.png) [@Rolken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rolken)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/287 "2008-09-05T15:55:12Z")
I feel personally responsible for every mistake made by people I know because I didn’t manipulate them into avoiding it. I suppose you could call me a bit of a perfectionist. I wish I could do things culturally attributed to females without people taking it as some core part of my personality. Especially regarding clothing. Men’s clothing is so boring and uncomfortable! Whenever I mused on this IRL my friends took it as some kind of suppressed sexual thing, but it’s really not. I’m unable to work the past year or so, and as such my sense of self-worth is completely gutted and I am way more concerned with what people think of me than I used to be or would like to be. I once had a crush on Anderson Cooper. Never another guy before or since. I’m not sure why, as he didn’t seem particularly feminine. I am recently obsessed with campaign news and spend about an hour a day keeping up on it. If not for the election happening in two months and it being genuinely the most significant choice in years, I’d just block Drudge and CNN. Um, I think that’s enough soul-baring for now. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/288 "2008-09-05T15:59:59Z")
> [@Rolken](#): > > I wish I could do things culturally attributed to females without people taking it as some core part of my personality. Especially regarding clothing. Men’s clothing is so boring and uncomfortable! Whenever I mused on this IRL my friends took it as some kind of suppressed sexual thing, but it’s really not. I can’t back this up, but I’m pretty sure men’s clothing is generally much more comfortable than womens’. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/289 "2008-09-05T16:13:33Z")
> [@](#): > > **Originally posted by Chef Troy** > We’ve had the exact same entertainment-center setup for like seven YEARS and my wife still has to ask me EVERY TIME how to set it for watching a DVD. Well, I have to keep asking my husband EVERY TIME, because he explains it like this: “You press the Set button and then the Start button on this remote and then the Control button on the grey remote and then the universal remote and then the Expunge button and then both the Hypertension and Diverticulitis buttons on the black one. And then it’s all set.” AND THEN HE TURNS THEM ALL OFF AGAIN. Could he write that all down? No, because it’s _so simple_! He’s a fucking engineer! It follows a logical sequence for him! How could anyone fail to do it right? How could you possibly confuse the four separate remotes? One for the TV, one for the cable, one for the VCR and one for the DVD player, which have a deep but twisted interpersonal symbiotic relationship! It’s like the bridge of the Enterprise or something. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/290 "2008-09-05T16:43:38Z")
goofed. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/291 "2008-09-05T16:45:30Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > “You press the Set button and then the Start button on this remote and then the Control button on the grey remote and then the universal remote and then the Expunge button and then both the Hypertension and Diverticulitis buttons on the black one. And then it’s all set.” I totally want a remote with an _Expunge_ button. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/292 "2008-09-05T16:47:49Z")
> [@Chef\_Troy](#): > > 1. I go into the bathroom more often, and stay there longer, than I need to… because it’s the only place I know my family will leave me alone for a while. Mommies have been doing this forever. At least this one does. ---
**Author:** ![InappropriateHumor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@InappropriateHumor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InappropriateHumor)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/293 "2008-09-05T16:48:55Z")
> [@Bobotheoptimist](#): > > …snip > Classic (or “good” or whatever) literature bores me. I actually own most of Anne McCaffrey and David Eddings books. Only about a quarter of Heinlein is worth reading, although I’ll never admit that. > > Hmm, I just realized that I might have bad taste. **Bobo** , if you have bad taste, mine is worse. I also own most of McCaffrey and Edding’s books and completely agree re: Heinlein. I’ll go further and confess that I _love_ Janet Evanovich’s books. I believe I own every one. I will say that the co-authored stuff is pretty bad, as are some of her older books. I figure that since I’m pretty organized and conventional I just enjoy the contrast. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/294 "2008-09-05T16:56:12Z")
I love my brother and all, but honestly I don’t like him very much. If we weren’t related by blood he is the kind of person I would actively avoid in social situations. It makes me sad that we don’t connect on a more personal level and that, if not for facebook, I wouldn’t have talked to him at all in the last year. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/295 "2008-09-05T17:01:02Z")
I confess I’m especially disappointed about the parts of this thread that got lost over the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/296 "2008-09-05T17:44:09Z")
> [@InappropriateHumor](#): > > **Bobo** , if you have bad taste, mine is worse. I also own most of McCaffrey and Edding’s books and completely agree re: Heinlein. > > I’ll go further and confess that I _love_ Janet Evanovich’s books. I believe I own every one. I will say that the co-authored stuff is pretty bad, as are some of her older books. I figure that since I’m pretty organized and conventional I just enjoy the contrast. You gotta admit Stephanie Plum has gotten really lame lately. It’s weird, because 12 (I think it was 12 - the big Ranger book) was really good! And then I really got the feeling that the one after that was one she put aside for a rainy day years ago until she didn’t feel like writing one again - it even reversed all the things that happened in the previous one. And 14, Jesus Christ what a pile of crap. Seriously, _bad_. Yeah, I’ll buy 15. I know. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/297 "2008-09-06T01:06:16Z")
> [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > South Park? Meh. “Hated it!” I like to think I’m not totally devoid of humor. I am just the type of girl who doesn’t really enjoy what I think of as “potty humor”. This for me doesn’t have to strictly be bathroom humor. Other examples: Dumb and Dumber American Pie Married with Children I don’t consider myself “above” it, I just think it’s more disgusting than funny. I even laughed at some of the Jackass movie, but felt guilty about it. Comedy I love(d) does include Friends, The Office, The Princess Bride, some SNL and In Living Color. I just really get icked out by “gross” humor. Peg dropping a cigarette or ashes into a salad during the opening credits of Mw/C actually makes my stomach queasy. (I hate all things cigarette related) Does all of this make me a stick-in-the-mud? Most people I know seem to think I am pretty funny. I’m even tacky and juvenile at times. Just not to the degree of the shows I named above. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/298 "2008-09-06T03:10:24Z")
I’ve been lurking for a bit since I have papers to write and things to do. I write Harry Potter smut (Snape/Harry mostly) and it’s pretty twisted shit at times. I don’t think I’m a good writer but I’m learning a lot and I have a ton of fans (which I think is strange but also really cool). I’ve always wanted to try being a domme but all the submissive guys I’ve met IRL (at least the ones who told me they were) disgusted me. I have a very high sex drive but I’m also very particular about sex. I want to be able to have random sex partners and sleep around, but I’m highly conservative and can’t bring myself to do it. I know the whole double standard with females is bullshit and I admire females who can break away from it, but I can’t. I’d love to be a guy so that I could sleep around guilt free. ---
**Author:** ![eldowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@eldowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eldowan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/299 "2008-09-06T03:14:57Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Nah, that’s ok. I use my livejournal for picture spamming. Plus, I’m a 32B, no cleavage. Prove it. 😃 Seriously, I’m a big big fan of not big breasts. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Pixilated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aeb1de/32.png) [@Pixilated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixilated)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2008, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044/300 "2008-09-06T04:22:52Z")
Forgive me Dopers, for I have sinned. Sometimes I think I’m a better parent than others (vanity) and I want to take these kids away from that world and take them under my wing so I can screw them up myself because I know I can do a much better job (pride). It’s hard to be humble when I’m always right. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-confessions/461044.md?page=16)