# Doper Divorce **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 30, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141 "2005-09-30T02:29:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/1 "2005-09-30T02:29:48Z")
Sad but true. **Cervaise** and I are going to be making it legal. For those of you who know us personally, you know that he stayed in Seattle while I moved to Atlanta for a fellowship - a miracle career opportunity for me. However, 3000 miles of distance was the last straw for a relationship that already had some issues. We’re not getting in to blame, either on the boards on in person. There’s either plenty or none, depending on how you choose to look at it. And we’ve chosen to look at it as getting on with the rest of our lives. We’re going to try for the very rare outcome: a friendly divorce. And yes, he knows I’m posting this. So, all you single Doper Women: I can offer you one slightly used, housebroken, fully functional Nice Guy. Employed, and able to cook and do laundry at the same time. Both sufficiently geeky to fit in here, as well as surprisingly artsy and literate. A few quirks, but this is the SDMB, and I bet you’ve got some quirks yourselves. Further references available via my email. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/2 "2005-09-30T02:57:29Z")
Its never easy, but it sounds like you have a handle on getting through it. My first husband and I would still be friends except for his second wife. She think I made a house fall on her sister, and she wants my shoes. I’ve never quite understood how two people could love each other then hate each other. The time spent together has to count for something. Blame and anger only hurts the person carrying them around. I wish both of you good lives and happiness. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/3 "2005-09-30T03:03:15Z")
Sorry to hear that, but you have my admiration for handling it in a mature manner. I wish both of you the best. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/4 "2005-09-30T03:14:52Z")
I’m very sorry things worked out this way. You are both wonderful people, and I wish you all the best. My Love, Cheri ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/5 "2005-09-30T03:32:51Z")
I didn’t even know you two were married. Sorry things didn’t work out for you. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/6 "2005-09-30T04:24:19Z")
I am sorry to hear that it didn’t work out. I hope all goes smoothly and friendly. I sincerely hope that this decision works out for the best in both of your lives. Prosperous wishes for you both. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/7 "2005-09-30T11:36:04Z")
My husband’s grandma married at 18 ( as was the fashion back in the 40’s.) had the required baby , he went off to war and somewhere along the way she realized it wasn’t going to work out or for whatever reasons that a kid with a kid during a War in your own country can come up with sent him a Dear John letter. That has gotta sting. She divorced him and several years later, remarried. He remarried. They always lived a block away from each other and were always great friends. When he died a couple of years ago, she ( not his wife of 45 years) handled his funeral and was mentioned more in the will than her. They were best of friends. Feelings will be hurt and egos bruised, but with time and growth, it is possible to find a place where both of you can be decent, civilised humans who can have a normal discussion without posturing and nostrils flaring. It just takes some time and patience. I hope the two of you reach that place. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/8 "2005-09-30T12:13:43Z")
Sorry to hear that, guys. Glad to hear you’re being adults over it, though. Is this an SDMB first, I wonder? I mean, we’ve had Doper couples break up before in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense (or perhaps 2 boyfriends, whatever floats yer goat), but an actual divorce, I’ve never heard of yet. Perhaps I’m forgetting things. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/9 "2005-09-30T14:14:18Z")
I’m sorry to hear of this. I haven’t met you, but I did meet **Cervaise** at the great **Seattle Swampfest.** He was very nice. Best of luck to both of you. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/10 "2005-09-30T14:19:02Z")
Just what we need. . .more participants for the dating threads. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/11 "2005-09-30T16:25:51Z")
My sympathies, **herownself** _hugs_ Glad to see you guys are keeping it civil–whether or not you have kids, that’s the best thing to do. Take care of yourself and keep it real, hon. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/12 "2005-09-30T16:32:16Z")
My sympathies to you both, and good luck wherever life takes you next. ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/13 "2005-09-30T16:44:43Z")
Thanks, everyone. Thankfully, in the divorce-o-scope, there are no kids. I was having a dissertation instead. But I do want kids, and this throws a serious monkeywrench in my plans. Being 38, I don’t have a lot more time to screw around, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![Aguecheek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Aguecheek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aguecheek)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/14 "2005-09-30T16:54:16Z")
Yeah. He can cook good. Already given my sympathies in person to **Cervaise** , but I’ll put it here again for **herownself**. Good luck to you both in all respects. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/15 "2005-09-30T16:54:23Z")
> [@herownself](#): > > Thankfully, in the divorce-o-scope, there are no kids. I was having a dissertation instead. Even worse! 😃 Seriously, I hope you both find happiness–with each other, as friends, and in other places as well. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/16 "2005-09-30T17:09:12Z")
Condolences and best wishes to two very nice people going about things in a decidedly mature manner. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/17 "2005-09-30T17:16:17Z")
> [@Coldfire](#): > > Is this an SDMB first, I wonder? I mean, we’ve had Doper couples break up before in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense (or perhaps 2 boyfriends, whatever floats yer goat), but an actual divorce, I’ve never heard of yet. Perhaps I’m forgetting things. **Montfort** and **Anniz** (neither of whom are members here any more, IIRC, but they did meet through the boards and produce a DoperBaby) have divorced, sadly. My condolences, **herownself** and **Cervaise** , and best of luck to you both. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/18 "2005-09-30T17:24:55Z")
Best of luck to you both. Divorce, even on relative good terms, can be difficult. Years upon years ago, my very signifigant other and I split up after five years together. Although we never officially married, we were more “married” than I had been with someone else whom I’d made it legal before I’d met my SO. (I did divorce my then-husband before I was involved with my SO.) There were many things I admired about my SO, and we were involved in a very pivotal part of my life, however, there was a lot of pain involved in our break up. Even though we both felt it best, we were each loosing our best friend. It was The Most Difficult Time In My Life. Due in part of that pain, we didn’t talk to each other for almost a year. Fast forward about 7 years. My (ex) SO had met a wonderful lady and they decided to make it legal. I stood up for my (ex) SO as his “best (wo)man”. We all are good friends, and instead of loosing my best friend, I’ve gained a very good friend in his wife. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/19 "2005-09-30T17:26:55Z")
> [@herownself](#): > > But I do want kids, and this throws a serious monkeywrench in my plans. Being 38, I don’t have a lot more time to screw around, so to speak. Well, if the clock stops ticking, you can always adopt. Your options are not limited. My condolences. I’m sorry this happened, but it sounds like you will still be friends. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/20 "2005-09-30T18:37:44Z")
Okay. The Google Ads are seriously getting weird. Both ads for this thread are companies trying to sell Beanie Babies. Is collecting Beanie Babies somehow tied to getting divorced? Is Google arguing you should buy Beanie Babies rather than adopting a child if your biological clock stops? _boggle_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141.md?page=2)