# Doper Divorce **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 30, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141 "2005-09-30T02:29:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/21 "2005-09-30T21:10:09Z")
He cooks and does laundry at the same time? Why? Anyway, I am sorry and hope you both find happiness. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/22 "2005-09-30T22:23:21Z")
> [@herownself](#): > > We’re not getting in to blame, either on the boards on in person. There’s either plenty or none, depending on how you choose to look at it. And we’ve chosen to look at it as getting on with the rest of our lives. We’re going to try for the very rare outcome: a friendly divorce. What she said. Better than I would, even. 🙂 Thanks for the support, y’all. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/23 "2005-09-30T22:37:44Z")
> [@Mr. Slant](#): > > Okay. The Google Ads are seriously getting weird. > Both ads for this thread are companies trying to sell Beanie Babies. > Is collecting Beanie Babies somehow tied to getting divorced? > Is Google arguing you should buy Beanie Babies rather than adopting a child if your biological clock stops? > _boggle_ I noticed this when the thread had just gotten started. In fact, I checked back in to see if the ads had shifted to something more germane to the discussion now that whatever algorithm selects the ads had more than enough evidence that Beanie Babies were not the focus. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/24 "2005-10-01T03:30:08Z")
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the Birthday and Anniversary applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 4.6 and then installed undesirable programs such as NHL 4.3, PGA 3.0 and NFL 5.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 and Cold Shoulder 8.6 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do? –Desperate Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 1.0 If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Birthdays 2.9 and Anniversary 3.0. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 2.4. WARNING: Beer 2.4 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and other interactive programs like Lingerie 7.7 and Naughty French Maid 6.9. Good Luck. –Tech Support ---
**Author:** ![stringy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@stringy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stringy)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/25 "2005-10-01T03:52:17Z")
My condolences and best wishes for you both. ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/26 "2005-10-01T19:47:12Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > What she said. Better than I would, even. 🙂 > > Thanks for the support, y’all. \ where’s the nice personal ad stuff, dude? I did yours … ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/27 "2005-10-02T08:24:38Z")
Please forgive the oversight. Now available: a smart, sweet, and experienced Woman, with excellent taste for the things that matter, not to mention a uniquely interesting career. Good with animals, very good with kids, and hell on Republicans. Likes to travel, loves to read, and thinks Starbuck kicks ass. Plus, and this is important, she has a wonderful family. Get her while she’s hot. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/28 "2005-10-02T21:34:07Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Dear Tech Support: > Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the Birthday and Anniversary applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. > In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 4.6 and then installed undesirable programs such as NHL 4.3, PGA 3.0 and NFL 5.0. > Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. > I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 and Cold Shoulder 8.6 to fix these problems, to no avail. > What can I do? > –Desperate > > Dear Desperate: > First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. > Try to enter the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 1.0 > If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Birthdays 2.9 and Anniversary 3.0. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 2.4. > WARNING: Beer 2.4 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. > CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. > In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. > I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and other interactive programs like Lingerie 7.7 and Naughty French Maid 6.9. Good Luck. > –Tech Support Elbows, you rock. ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/29 "2012-05-23T20:40:01Z")
I just came across this thread after renewing my membership and deciding to have a poke back through my history at the SDMB. Here is a little update: Things stayed civil for about 2 seconds. It got emotional, and more people than necessary were hurt in the process. Some of the hurt feelings and damaged friendships will probably never recover. We are still at it. Although the divorce decree was issued in a timely manner (although he wouldn’t wait an extra two days to file it on Bastille Day as I strongly desired)(and who wouldn’t?), the things that needed to be done to finalize the situation have still not been completed. Needless to say, that part is complicated. (This is where I could be hideously partisan and mean and say terrible things about him, all of which would be true but would leave out my contribution to the situation.) With luck and cooperation, it will be over soon. And the divorce will have lasted about as long as the marriage. No doubt this is one of the strangest divorces out there. Especially since we had pretty much no money, few assets, and no kids. Cheers to you all, and I wish much better divorces than mine to those who have them, because no one should ever do this!! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/30 "2012-05-23T20:42:34Z")
> [@herownself](#): > > SNIP > Cheers to you all, and I wish much better divorces than mine to those who have them, because no one should ever do this!! Thanks for the good wishes. Since yours began, I had a super-boring divorce, for which stories like yours make me grateful. ---
**Author:** ![foopyx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3e96dc/32.png) [@foopyx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foopyx)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/31 "2012-05-24T00:28:16Z")
This reminds me of a Louie C.K. bit. Why is everyone expressing sorrow and condolences? No GOOD marriage ends in divorce. Now that would actually be sad; a happily married couple forced to be ripped apart by divorce. That has occurred never! So, while it maybe a difficult transition, it’s for the better. Good luck to both of you! Congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/32 "2012-05-24T00:52:53Z")
I remember meeting you and **Cervaise** at a Chicago dopefest and thinking very highly of you both. I somehow missed this the first time around but I’d just like to say I hope you both find peace and happiness. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/33 "2012-05-24T02:04:59Z")
> [@foopyx](#): > > This reminds me of a Louie C.K. bit. > > Why is everyone expressing sorrow and condolences? > > No GOOD marriage ends in divorce. > > Now that would actually be sad; a happily married couple forced to be ripped apart by divorce. > > That has occurred never! > > So, while it maybe a difficult transition, it’s for the better. > > Good luck to both of you! Congratulations! Heh, that’s cute and humorous, but while I love me some Louis C.K., he knows (like anyone who has been through [del]hell[/del] divorce) that it is really fucking tough, no matter how shitty the marriage was. You could have been married to the world’s biggest jackass, and still will feel like a crusty turd. Heartbreak aside, which in itself is enough to drive you mad, something about the one thing you promised you’d work through, no matter how tough it got, falling apart feels like a bonus kick in the teeth when you’re already down. Divorce, yay! But, like most shitty things in life, it gets better. I don’t know much, but this I know. Listen to me. I’m an old lady. ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/34 "2012-05-24T02:07:30Z")
People say that they are sorry for two reasons, in my experience. One is that it is sad to see a marriage fail, no matter how inevitable (and man-o-man, this was thundering down the highway for a while before it happened); and two is that no matter what, divorce hurts. So congratulations on breaking something that you said that you would take care of forever, and terrific that you’re in the middle of a world of hurt? Not so much. But speaking for myself, yes I am long over it and just get angry periodically when faced with something I consider to be outrageous. And I get over it pretty quickly. As for him? Can’t say. Can’t say anything at all, actually because apparently I am the devil ncarnate in his life. An unusual ability that I wasn’t aware I processed. Or that Possessed me… ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/35 "2012-05-24T02:55:19Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Heh, that’s cute and humorous, but while I love me some Louis C.K., he knows (like anyone who has been through [del]hell[/del] divorce) that it is really fucking tough, no matter how shitty the marriage was. You could have been married to the world’s biggest jackass, and still will feel like a crusty turd. Heartbreak aside, which in itself is enough to drive you mad, something about the one thing you promised you’d work through, no matter how tough it got, falling apart feels like a bonus kick in the teeth when you’re already down. > > Divorce, yay! But, like most shitty things in life, it gets better. I don’t know much, but this I know. Listen to me. I’m an old lady. QFT. I’ve been through two of them, and even though the first ex was an abusive jackass and the second ex had more issues than _The New York Times_, both times still hurt. A lot. And it does get better. It just sucks unwashed matted dingleberry-infested llama ass until it does. ---
**Author:** ![herownself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8baadc/32.png) [@herownself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/herownself)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/36 "2012-05-24T03:46:45Z")
> [@herownself](#): > > As for him? Can’t say. Can’t say anything at all, actually because apparently I am the devil ncarnate in his life. An unusual ability that I wasn’t aware I processed. Or that Possessed me… . 😉 Meant to end that line with a smiley. That particular post came off a bit too close to the edge of snarky for me, and that’s not who I am. I’ve already blown through two more ‘major’ relationships, one of which feels like it was probably the love of my life. So I’ve been working on that. What do you do when the love of your life is someone you absolutely can’t be with if you want to stay healthy and sane? That is a whole different thread. And reminds me of what a friend in Atlanta always said: the best way to get over a man is to get under a man. Truer words!!! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/37 "2012-05-24T09:16:06Z")
> [@foopyx](#): > > Now that would actually be sad; a happily married couple forced to be ripped apart by divorce. > > That has occurred never! The divorce of Sancho VII of Navarre took place only because they didn’t have any surviving kids and she was not able to produce more due to age. She stayed in court rather than retire to a convent; his second marriage didn’t produce surviving heirs either. It’s the kind of situation where real life makes the best of novelists seem terribly unimaginative. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/38 "2012-05-24T09:25:31Z")
> [@Geobabe](#): > > **Montfort** and **Anniz** (neither of whom are members here any more, IIRC, but they did meet through the boards and produce a DoperBaby) have divorced, sadly. He’s a lovely little boy; I visit him and his half-brother every other Sunday and they’re always glad to see me. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/39 "2012-05-24T10:10:56Z")
I’m sorry to hear this ☹ But it sounds like both of you are handling it well. Good luck 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141/40 "2012-05-24T11:50:35Z")
> [@foopyx](#): > > Now that would actually be sad; a happily married couple forced to be ripped apart by divorce. > > That has occurred never! I disagree with this, too. It’s really easy to confuse a happy marriage with a happy Platonic friendship. My second marriage was like this, at least for a while. We were better friends and shouldn’t have been lovers (or married); indeed, the marriage devolved into a Platonic state fairly quickly. By the time we divorced four years later, it was a relief. No hard feelings, just a sad feeling that I wasted four years of my life being married to a man I should have stayed friends with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-divorce/324141.md?page=3)