# Doper last will and testament - You do one too! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 16, 2004, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314 "2004-04-16T04:38:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/1 "2004-04-16T04:38:13Z")
I, **NoClueBoy** , being sound in mind and in body and actualy having a clue or two, I’ll tell you whut, do hearby swear to leave the following to these Dopers in the case of my banning, disappearence, or being called back to my home planet: **Vivalostwages** : I leave my invalueable _Star Trek_ trivia, complete with gaping holes in DS9 and VOY shit. **tracer** : my real life collection of TOS shooting scripts will once and for all answer the question of “phaser cutting phasers.” **vanilla** : all my love, all my kissin, you won’t know what you benna missin, oh boy **Michael Ellis** : my 1920s style death ray. And a cat in a box (I’m not sure if it’s still alive…) **EddyTeddyFreddy** : my talent and rapier wit in limericking (you kind of need it 😛 ). **Baker** : a pound of raw sugar. **Lobsang** : map and key to my real life Bat Cave. If you’re prepared. **Carnivorousplant** : a boot to the head. **wearia** : my Texas heritage. It must suck not only not being from Texas, but also being from Canada. 😉 **Tars Tarkas** : Thuvia. **Aesiron** : NIFSTD **Zeldar** : Sunday morning jazz radio. **Coldfire** : pretty, pretty airplanes. And my Dean Martin CDs. **Siege** : my extensive Bible research, including original lanuage manuscripts (copies). And my _Dogma_ DVD **All the other Trek Dopers** : panda **Angua the Astronomer** : please fondle my bum **Polycarp** : $20 for a lap dance from my stripper exGF. Trust me, you’ll like it. **UnaPersson** : 100 bars of Gold Pressed Latinum for my UnaBoard member status. I will post some more as I think of them. Sugggest what you might want from me or write your own LW&T. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/2 "2004-04-16T11:42:42Z")
Some more that came to mind: **Maud’Dib** : water. lots and lots of water. **Lieu** : toilet paper. lots amd lots of toilet paer. **Ilsa Lund** : who loves that custom van of his, I leave some advice: Get a car that people can see around on the freeway! **Eve** : my staticy BetaII tapes of _The Brady Bunch_’s last season **Lel** : a capital L **Cervaise** : the gift of gab. and a 9" B&W TV **Steve Wright** : a normal sense of humor. And all 7 seasons of _Star Trek: Voyager_ on Region 1 DVD **Corner Case** : a round room. As for my money… give it all to the Hare Krishna, every last cent of it! Or throw a parade for whoever IDs this (and one other) obscure reference. ---
**Author:** ![BellaDellaItalia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BellaDellaItalia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaDellaItalia)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/3 "2004-04-16T16:32:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Steve Wright: a normal sense of humor. I don’t think you have one of these. Maybe you can give him Monty Python on videotape instead. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/4 "2004-04-16T22:15:40Z")
to **NoClueBoy** : I leave my many bottles of potions, lotions, creams…and GOO! (Even the smell-purty crap that’s supposed to be for goils.) Oh, and my NX- 01 executive officers’ badge. To **Aesiron** : All my Trek books and a few blank tapes. to **tarragon918** : My stuffed teddy bear in an ENT command uniform. to **carnivorousplant** : My extensive knowledge of grammar, punctuation and spelling. to **Tars Tarkas** : A lifetime paid subscription to the SDMB. to **LinusVanPelt** : My Trek action figures and autographed photos. to **Cervaise** : My amazing movie collection. to the other Trek Dopers: All of my Trek tapes and trading cards. to **Kn\*ckers** : A tracking device so she can find us and let us know how she’s doing! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/5 "2004-04-17T02:32:32Z")
Hi, **Viva**! I wonder if anyone has heard form our dear **Kn(\*)ckers** > [@BellaDellaItalia](#): > > I don’t think you have one of these. . Why, thank you, I have quite the normal one. 😉 Everyone else is a freakin’ loon, I’ll tell you whut. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/6 "2004-04-17T02:39:29Z")
Can I have your record collection? Can I Can I Can I Can I? I promise I won’t let **if6was9** touch it. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/7 "2004-04-17T02:46:22Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Can I have your record collection? Can I Can I Can I Can I? Sure! So I take it you like early 80s beat mixes and Dwight Yokum? ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/8 "2004-04-17T02:49:22Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Sure! So I take it you like early 80s beat mixes and Dwight Yokum? EW! I wouldn’t touch that! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/9 "2004-04-17T03:15:52Z")
Fine, **9**. I _won’t_ die! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/10 "2004-04-17T04:32:01Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > a 9" B&W TV Uh, okay, thanks. I leave you… at the mall with a handful of McDonald’s coupons and bus fare to Poughkeepsie. ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/11 "2004-04-17T04:36:09Z")
I leave the gift of Dvorak goodness to all QWERTY typists. I leave the magic of the 1980s to all Dopers who were remember that decade. I leave the dungeons of [Zork](http://infocom.gerf.org) to all those who ever found themselves in an open field, west of a large white house, with a boarded front door. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/12 "2004-04-17T04:52:46Z")
Just a few last items to unload…This is so very liberating. Thanks, NCB! **Aesiron** gets both of my VCRs so he’ll never have an excuse not to see or tape stuff again. He also gets a few photos of me (fully clothed, ha ha!). **NCB** also gets my prized NX-01 hat, and a few photographs of me not so fully clothed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/13 "2004-04-17T14:20:29Z")
Whoo-Hoo! Now, if I could only find my way out of this mall… ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/14 "2004-04-17T14:23:21Z")
And I will fondle your bum **NoClueBoy**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/15 "2004-04-17T14:30:41Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > And I will fondle your bum **NoClueBoy**. 😉 Actually, I think I would want that _before_ I die! ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/16 "2004-04-17T14:31:58Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Actually, I think I would want that _before_ I die! So, kind of a dying wish? If you could have that, you’d die happy, sort of thing? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/17 "2004-04-17T14:52:28Z")
Something like that. 😉 [goes over to Priceline to check on transatlantic flights…] ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/18 "2004-04-17T15:33:09Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Something like that. 😉 > [goes over to Priceline to check on transatlantic flights…] Be warned though, the Londoper guys menace very well if they feel threatened… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/19 "2004-04-17T15:58:57Z")
Just seeing me is enough to threaten some people. (Haven’t I told you before that I’m a giant?) Maybe I’ll wear my Batman tights. That should give them pause. BTW… Who wants my Batman tights? ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314/20 "2004-04-17T16:00:23Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Just seeing me is enough to threaten some people. (Haven’t I told you before that I’m a giant?) In what way? 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-last-will-and-testament-you-do-one-too/240314.md?page=2)