# Doper Palikia will die soon. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264 "2007-12-08T05:31:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/61 "2007-12-10T18:22:44Z")
I’m very sorry for you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![twopiecesofeight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5e9695/32.png) [@twopiecesofeight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twopiecesofeight)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/62 "2007-12-10T20:00:26Z")
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/63 "2007-12-11T00:21:51Z")
I lost my mother a year and a half ago. She just gave up and quit her meds. Kind of like suicide-lite but suicide nonetheless. I watched my father die on a machine ten years ago. There is nothing I can say to take away your pain. I’m not sure it needs taken away, it is there for a reason, it will direct your healing. I wish you stregnth and dignity through your times of need. I know from experience there will be many such times. Peace to you and yours, Nathan ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/64 "2007-12-11T01:18:44Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and strength. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/65 "2007-12-11T13:29:02Z")
I am thinking of you and your mother. I hope the support and well-wishes of the Dopers contributes to your strength during this sad time. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/66 "2007-12-11T13:42:19Z")
Darth, I’m so very sorry for your loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![kaiwik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaiwik/32/3978_2.png) [@kaiwik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaiwik)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/67 "2007-12-11T15:18:04Z")
**Darth Nader** I am sorry that I just now saw this thread. You have all of my sympathy, and I share your anger regarding the bottle and glass of wine you found. My mother has been on the cusp of liver failure (complications of lupus) for a while now, and as soon as she was diagnosed she, a lifelong non drinker, began drinking rather heavily for several months. When she decided that she wanted to fight to live she had to wait for 6 months from her last drink before the doctors would even put her on the list of tests to determine if she is eligible for a transplant. She got the letter last week that she is now officially on the donor list, but she’s not out of the woods. I realize that none of that will ease your pain and anger, but if you ever want or need to talk to someone, I am available, my email address is in my profile. You will be in my prayers. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/68 "2007-12-12T06:11:42Z")
Okay, so a few days, and still I mostly feel anger about the whole thing. I know about grief, and the stages thereof, but damnit-- I’m mad. There are a few doctors and such I still have to call back-- They want to know if she’s going on the transplant list. I’m at her house right now, sitting at her 'puter, looking at a half-empty glass of wine on her desk that I guess she didn’t get to finish. I love her, and wish I believed in heaven, so that she could be there. But FUCK HER. And anyone else who pulls that sort of shit. I was RIGHT HERE, and she bailed out without warning. Thanks again for your thoughts, but send them to the **Palikia** that was a happy beautiful smart life lover. Not to… Well, just send them to her, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/69 "2007-12-12T09:19:57Z")
**Darth Nader** , I _do_ believe in Heaven. I’ll pray for you and the rest of your family, you’re the ones who are going to need it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/70 "2007-12-12T11:10:32Z")
[QUOTE=Darth Nader] Okay, so a few days, and still I mostly feel anger about the whole thing. I know about grief, and the stages thereof, but damnit-- I’m mad. [/quote] And it is perfectly OK to feel that way. Just wanted to let you know that. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/71 "2007-12-12T14:36:16Z")
> [@DarthNader](#): > > Thanks again for your thoughts, but send them to the Palikia that was a happy beautiful smart life lover. Not to… Well, just send them to her, okay? The nice thing about good thoughts is that they are infinite. I have enough for you _and_ her, and anyone else who needs them! ---
**Author:** ![Blushing\_Battleaxe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@Blushing\_Battleaxe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blushing_Battleaxe)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/72 "2007-12-12T17:04:17Z")
Oh goodness, Darth Nader, I only saw this today. Please accept my sympathies. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/73 "2007-12-13T02:52:33Z")
I’m so sorry. I was gonna post more, but I can’t. Peace and strength to you. Deb ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/74 "2007-12-13T03:34:32Z")
I’m very sorry to hear this too. Condolences to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/75 "2007-12-14T06:43:20Z")
[QUOTE=Darth Nader] Okay, so a few days, and still I mostly feel anger about the whole thing. [/QUOTE] This was (and still is) the toughest thing for me to deal with in losing my mom. There are plenty of acceptable, established outlets for the sorrow and the pain and fear and grief and all that. But in everything I’ve read about dealing with grief and loss, there is NOTHING about what you’re supposed to do with all the goddamn anger. For months, I’d be driving down the street and see some random person on the sidewalk, and I’d feel the urge to lean out the window and scream, “YOU should have gotten that fucking disease! Not my mom! She didn’t deserve it!” These episodes are rare now, but they still happen. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. You’ve got a tough year ahead of you. Please remember that one thing Dopers are really good at is listening and giving constructive advice. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/76 "2007-12-14T07:14:36Z")
I’m so very sorry. You have my sympathies and my wishes for peace and hope in your troubled hours. I have but one piece of advice; Let the emotions come. Then let them go. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/77 "2007-12-14T10:36:45Z")
I honestly don’t know who I’d deal with it if/when my Ma went. All the best. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264/78 "2007-12-15T05:12:37Z")
Thanks, everyone. It wasn’t unexpected, just too dammed sudden, and it didn’t help that I just went ahead and checked out from society for a few days, afterward. I’m going to go start a new thread right now, one I’m sure she would have loved. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-palikia-will-die-soon/429264.md?page=3)