# Doper parents, how would you respond to this situation (14-year-old daughter refuses to see male doctor)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2025, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352 "2025-03-30T17:59:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2025, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352/161 "2025-04-03T13:53:52Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > That the family making other sacrifices to avoid the male doctor should be avoided in order to not make her soft? The act of choosing a doctor that your kid is more comfortable with is not, in and of itself, coddling or harmful. As noted above, it’s supportive and beneficial. If there is a significant reason _not_ to do this, though, for example no female doctors are in network, and yet you move heaven and earth to ensure the discomfort does not happen - this is where you cross the line, teaching your child that it is appropriate to impose significant burdens on others in order to avoid the slightest discomfort. This is where “Karen” behavior comes from. People who believe that their every expectation must be met, no matter the circumstances or the experience of others around them. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2025, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352/162 "2025-04-03T20:51:17Z")
It isn’t billed as “Just came in to talk.” They bill it as a new patient visit. I’ve had various insurance companies over the years (Blue Cross, Aetna, Humana), and they’ve covered every new patient visit I’ve had with physicians. And no, I can’t afford doctor’s appointments that insurance doesn’t cover. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2025, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352/163 "2025-04-03T21:03:10Z")
Thanks for the link to the article. I appreciate your perspective on this. If it’s Kallman syndrome or any other form of hypogonadotropic hypogonadism (Man, try saying THAT quickly three times!), why would the physician have to examine the patient’s genitalia every few months? Is it to verify the patient’s report? Wouldn’t menarche, for example, be a sign in and off itself? I’m not doubting the need for a physical exam, just seeking clarification. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2025, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352/164 "2025-04-03T21:38:37Z")
Menarche is late in the game. They would be wanting to be adjusting dose based on rate through pubertal advancement (Tanner Stages) and by rate of height growth, measured carefully. Induction of puberty is step one. Then controlling the speed through it. Then eventually steps to allow for future childbearing if desired. And there is monitoring and trying to improve bone mineral density. How they do all that I’ve no idea. But I know it takes some finesse and specialist knowledge with close measurements of the various metrics they are trying to impact. If that is what this hypothetical child has! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@Max\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_S)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2025, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352/165 "2025-04-05T16:34:31Z")
> [@curious\_one](#): > > Remember Larry Nassar and all the female gymnasts he “examined” in an invasive totally predatory way. That was a totally different context. Nassar was a trainer for the Olympics team, and he would use that position of power over the girls to gain their trust and friendship. Then he would molest them in physical therapy situations where he had no business touching them that way. The parent was not usually in the room. ~Max ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2025, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352/166 "2025-04-05T17:08:08Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > There is much more to psychoneurocognitive development through childhood and adolescence than increased understanding, although that is a critical factor in medical assent. The maturation of judgment capacity is also at play. They make decisions differently than adults do. The prefrontal cortex and limbic systems are works in progress. I’ve been thinking this the entire thread but didn’t want to get wrapped up into it. Some 18 year old does a dumb thing and you’ll hear about how your risk assessment abilities and understanding of consequences isn’t fully developed until your 20s. But then some 14 year old wants veto power when making medical decisions and it’s “Welp, guess she’s an adult…” No she’s not, she’s a 14 year old middle-school kid. Kids make terrible choices all the time. Adults are supposed to be there to help guide them, prevent harm and bail them out. Should she get some sort of say or opinion? Sure, of course. Is hers the final word? Fuck no. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-parents-how-would-you-respond-to-this-situation-14-year-old-daughter-refuses-to-see-male-doctor/1016352.md?page=8)