# Doper Talent Show! Sign up here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 29, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754 "2004-04-29T22:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/1 "2004-04-29T22:04:53Z")
**FairyChatMom** and I have decided to recruit performers for a Doper Talent Show. She’s going to play the accordion; I’m going to tap-dance; we’ll share the emceeing duties. (Hey, if this distracts us from our efforts towards world domination, it’s all good, right?) So – who are you, and what is your act? The more detail, the better – paint a picture for us here, while we look over your 8x10 glossy and make some notes… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/2 "2004-04-29T22:08:13Z")
So, where should we put the casting couch?? ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/3 "2004-04-29T22:33:19Z")
I’ve got a nice couch in my office that could be “put to use,” if you know what I mean (nudge nudge, wink wink). I play the piano (well, a portable keyboard for now 'cause a real piano is kind of hard to move from apartment to apartment) pretty well, and I’ve been in a fairly large number of bands. I play lost of styles; jazz, blues, classic rock, funk, etc. I’ve even sung a few times until the rest of the band decided we had to get a “real” singer (whatever that means). Pick me! Pick me! ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/4 "2004-04-29T22:36:59Z")
Hi, I’m Val, and I can stick my tongue up my nose. I’m also double jointed and have freakishly small pinkie toes. As a bonus, my husband and I will sing “Love Shack.” Before you say it, allow me: “This is a talent show, not a circus!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/5 "2004-04-29T22:41:32Z")
“Hi, I’m Flander. I’m a professional rollerskater and I’m going to skate for YOU!” ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/6 "2004-04-29T22:41:45Z")
I can sing “Love on the Rocks” and sound almost _exactly_ like Neil Diamond. I’m not kidding. I can’t sing anything else to save my own life, but that I can nail with chilling accuracy, according to my wife. I don’t even _like_ that song. I started doing the imitation because I wanted to make _fun_ of it. But there it is: My only talent. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/7 "2004-04-29T22:42:10Z")
**Val** , **twicks** and I use the phrase “talent show” somewhat loosely. Do you have an 8X10 of the freakish pinkie toes?? **lightingtool** , step over to the baby grand and show me your stuff, so to speak… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/8 "2004-04-29T22:46:23Z")
**Flander** – have you given any thought to adding flaming batons to your act? **Loopydude** – we’re also going to need crew, ushers, ticket-takers, etc. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/9 "2004-04-29T22:49:29Z")
Flaming batons? :eek: I don’t even want to know what the insurance for that will run… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/10 "2004-04-29T22:51:23Z")
Insurance!!! Don’t be bourgeois – I’m talking ART here! ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/11 "2004-04-29T22:53:04Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **Flander** – have you given any thought to adding flaming batons to your act? > > **Loopydude** – we’re also going to need crew, ushers, ticket-takers, etc. Yah, but, no really, check this out… \ Luv on tha rahcks…ainno big s’priize…jus pour me a driiiiiiink an’ I’ll tellumah lies…ain nuthin’ t’ looooz, so you JUS sing th’ blooz…all th’ time \ Yeeeah. So! Right. Tickets! Got it. ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/12 "2004-04-29T22:57:52Z")
Um, ok… **Goes over to baby grand and removes clothing** What? Oh. Well, forget that piano stuff. My real talent is the ability to pick the slowest line in any situation; at the gas station, grocery store, bank, wherever. My gf and I know have a system where I’ll choose a line, we’ll stand there for about 15 seconds so the curse can take effect, then she’ll pick a new line. This line will always get us out the door faster than the line I picked. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/13 "2004-04-29T23:17:46Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom] **Val** , **twicks** and I use the phrase “talent show” somewhat loosely. Do you have an 8X10 of the freakish pinkie toes?? [QUOTE] Of course! What do you think I take on all those auditions? They’re about three-quarters of an inch long, and almost half as long as my “normal” toes. Itty bitty toenail to match, complete with a dab of pink polish. Polish color can be changed to suit your tastes, but please let me know a couple of days in advance as I generally end up painting most of the toe and will have to wait for some of it to wear off. Being double jointed and all, there is a chance (but not a guarantee) that I could stick my little toes up my nose (one at a time of course). This would be a first attempt made solely for the SDMB talent show. Put _that_ on your sign and you’ll sell some tickets, I tell ya! ---
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/14 "2004-04-29T23:19:48Z")
I am willing to perfom!!! My talent is great! My talent is jaw dropping and utterly amazing!! Are you ready!! Can you contain yourself??? Be ready to cheer and applaud!!! I can… \*\*SURF THE INTERNET SUCCESSFULLY FOR HOURS AND HOURS AT A TIME!!! \*\* :eek: ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/15 "2004-04-29T23:21:33Z")
Well, if y’all are serious about actual talent, I do sing rather purty link in my sig. Beyond that, well, I can do that whole tying-cherry-stems-in-knots-with-my-tongue thing. I once did about 25 in rapid succession, I could try to set a record! ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/16 "2004-04-29T23:27:14Z")
Well, I’m a composer and pianist. I released a CD of original piano solos, and was the First Place winner of the Silent Film Scoring Contest sponsored by the University of Wyoming. My link is also in my sig. **AntaresJB** I’ll be checking out your site! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/17 "2004-04-29T23:29:26Z")
I can light, smoke, and ash a cigarette using only my toes (And a lighter, obviously), among other interesting foot tricks. I don’t know if any of you would actually want to _watch_ them, though. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/18 "2004-04-29T23:34:07Z")
Hmm, sounds like we have some people with actual talent trying to sign up here – this is really throwing a monkey wrench into our plans. Whaddya think we should do about this, **FCM**? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/19 "2004-04-29T23:36:35Z")
Ya know, **Antares** , if we could fit a teeny-tiny camera in one of your molars and project your stem-tying on the _Big Screen_[sup]TM[/sup], we’ll have the crowd on their feet!! **RGB** , sweetie, why don’t you just try on this usher uniform?? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/20 "2004-04-29T23:37:56Z")
Well, **RNATB** snuck in there while I was posting – I’m seeing the cigarette thing as kind of an entr’acte thing – unless you wanted to light **Flander** ’s batons for him/her… …or perhaps some sort of pedal duet with **yellowval**. **furiously scribbles notes** NEXT! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=2)