# Doper Talent Show! Sign up here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 29, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754 "2004-04-29T22:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/21 "2004-04-29T23:38:29Z")
Talent is good. Maybe we need to bill this as a variety show - isn’t that truth in advertising? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/22 "2004-04-29T23:41:18Z")
Hmmm, maybe we could have **DooWahDiddy** and **lightingtool** rassle, and the winner gets to play the piano! Ir has that been done to death?? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/23 "2004-04-29T23:44:19Z")
Done, certainly – but not “to death.” Do you think jello or tapioca pudding would work better under the lights? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/24 "2004-04-29T23:48:53Z")
How about Spaghetti-Os?? ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/25 "2004-04-29T23:50:50Z")
::::: runs in, hoping she didn’t miss the audition ::::: I can ride a unicycle. ( am I in??? ) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/26 "2004-04-29T23:51:45Z")
I apologize for suggesting that you lack an artistic vision, **FCM**. Now get back to work on the Molar-Cam – I see a group of taut-bellied young men queuing up to show me what they can do. C’mon in, hon, don’t be shy… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/27 "2004-04-29T23:53:16Z")
**mistee** – how do you feel about flaming batons? or Spaghetti-O’s? or flaming Spaghetti-O’s? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/28 "2004-04-30T00:04:32Z")
Flaming Spaghetti-Os? May I be the first to say: BAND NAME!!! :D:D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/29 "2004-04-30T00:05:47Z")
FCM… But I dont know how to USH, I know how to surf!!.. On the internet! Oh Wait!!! _lightbulb dings above head_ I can bring my extensive collection of Flip Flop Sandles!!! Oh, ☹ this is a Talent Show, not Show N Tell. :smack: Hand me that Usher Uniform. And I will need a flashlight… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/30 "2004-04-30T00:11:16Z")
> [@RainGrowsBrite](#): > > Hand me that Usher Uniform. And I will need a flashlight… I’ll tell ya what, you take the uniform and the flashlight and practice a bit, and maybe we can bill you as _The Shadow Puppet Usher_!!! Whaddya think?? It’ll be huge!! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/31 "2004-04-30T00:15:23Z")
Now you’re thinking, **FCM** C’mon people! Where are the animal acts? The ventriloquists? The plate spinners? ---
**Author:** ![RainGrowsBrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@RainGrowsBrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RainGrowsBrite)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/32 "2004-04-30T00:16:46Z")
I will work on my act. Maybe… could I have colored flashlight bulbs?? I would certainly need a Usher Uniform that looked different from the others. Maybe, with some glued on Sequins or something… 😃 Or a jacket that has a Shadow Puppet catch phrase on it! hmm… ---
**Author:** ![Helena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c68b51/32.png) [@Helena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/33 "2004-04-30T00:20:55Z")
Would you have a spot for somebody who can recite _Horton the Elephant Hatches an Egg_? I can also roll a mean ball of yarn. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/34 "2004-04-30T00:27:48Z")
> [@Helena](#): > > Would you have a spot for somebody who can recite _Horton the Elephant Hatches an Egg_? I can also roll a mean ball of yarn. Okay – if you can do both at the same time while drinking a glass of water, I think we’ve got a spot for you. ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/35 "2004-04-30T00:30:34Z")
Back in the day, when the first inkling of ‘pay to play’ came to light, some talented Dopers offered their services [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=98861), for a benefit show. My talent is that I can count to 21. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/36 "2004-04-30T00:33:55Z")
I defy anyone to run nekkid thru a thread better’n me. ---
**Author:** ![SkyClad72724](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@SkyClad72724](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyClad72724)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/37 "2004-04-30T00:50:18Z")
OK… this is a doozy… I hope you can handle it… My act starts stage right… all is silent as the spotlight is on me… out of my pocket I pull out a piece of gum. Yes. Gum. (The suspense is killer, isn’t it??) I unwrap the gum, put it in my mouth, and start to chew. (This is where the shocking part comes in) I first take one step, then two. I WALK ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STAGE! (Try to contain your amazement) But the fun doesn’t end there. No! Once the _mad_ applause dies down, I sing - still chewing the gum, mind you - all of Handel’s _Messiah_, including harmony. If you’re \*really \* lucky, I’ll choreograph it as well. I conclude my act with a sweet little Shirley Temple-type curtsey (cuz momma always taught me to be a lady!) All I ask is that you keep the roses thrown on stage to a minimum. I’d hate to trip and fall, and not be able to share my act with others (that would just be unfair!) Naturally, I don’t expect any special treatment just because my most _wonderful_ mother is organizing. I only expect special treatment cause I’m so darn cute! Thank you, and goodnight! ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/38 "2004-04-30T01:06:20Z")
I have no unique talents to offer, but I can offer my services for the advertising and promotion of the show. Robin ---
**Author:** ![dbygawdcapn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dbygawdcapn/32/3995_2.png) [@dbygawdcapn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbygawdcapn)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/39 "2004-04-30T01:28:50Z")
I’ve got a knife throwing act. Of course I will be needing a buxom assistant who is not afraid of knife wielding geezers with poor eyesight. On second thought, less buxom probably equals less target area and a kinder, safer act. ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/40 "2004-04-30T01:41:13Z")
My dog will dance on his hind legs for an unending stream of WheatThins! Now what did I do with his hula skirt? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=3)