# Doper Talent Show! Sign up here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 29, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754 "2004-04-29T22:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/61 "2004-04-30T13:19:09Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > I can touch my tongue to my nose. > And bend just the top joint of my left ring finger. > And …_drum roll_…I can do both at the same time. No way! Those are two of _my_ talents! I think I’m seeing something here … Hey, do you think that with some extra stretch, you can stick your tongue part-way _up_ your nose? 'Cuz I can! Now if we can just figure out a way to work in my freakish pinkie toes, I think we’re in! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/62 "2004-04-30T14:05:40Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > **Dragwyr** - you’re in for sure. I like magicians. Do you have an attractive assistant in a sequinned costume? Or do you work alone? Unfortunately I don’t have any attractive assistants, but I can do my act in a sequinned costume if you would like. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/63 "2004-04-30T14:15:46Z")
**Val** and **Salem** - maybe you should think about doing a double act! Pool your talents as it were. Matching costumes and all that. With sequins! Lots of sequins! **Dragwyr** - you too - go for the sequins. Sparklies are good! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/64 "2004-04-30T14:21:49Z")
**flamingbananas** - I think we’ll just pass on the flaming poo. This is gonna be a high-class production - you can tell that by all the sequins! So what else ya got?? I know **twicks** would love a whole bunch of flaming batons! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/65 "2004-04-30T14:31:55Z")
Flaming poo is definitely bad – flamingo poo, however, might be interesting. What’s that you say, **FCM**? No poo of any sort? Too messy? Sigh. Okay. And **flamingbananas** – please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t do the shoulder thing. That’s just … creepy. Okay, people, we do have some openings for lovely assistants here – or handsome, we’re equal opportunity impresarios. **Helena** needs someone to hold the glass of water; **Dragwyr** could probably use someone to help out – that person would need a security clearance of some sort; and we’ll need the little guy with the toothbrush moustache, the thick glasses, and the cap to come out with the push broom to clean up sequins, etc., between acts. Any volunteers? ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/66 "2004-04-30T14:33:57Z")
Well, you’re gonna need a stage manager. My talents: I can call cues. I can also cuss like a salior, and totally freak out newbie light board ops while fixing a major cue foul-up. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/67 "2004-04-30T14:39:38Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Okay, people, we do have some openings for lovely assistants here – or handsome, we’re equal opportunity impresarios. **Helena** needs someone to hold the glass of water; **Dragwyr** could probably use someone to help out – that person would need a security clearance of some sort; and we’ll need the little guy with the toothbrush moustache, the thick glasses, and the cap to come out with the push broom to clean up sequins, etc., between acts. Any volunteers? Well … if the costume mistress can put sequins on the waist of my Naked Blacklight Singing Dog Hula Skirt[sup]TM[/sup], then I am willing to assist any of the other acts, as needed. As I previously mentioned, I have good insurance. But sorry - I won’t push the broom, as I already clean up after the proverbial elephants at my day job. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/68 "2004-04-30T14:39:36Z")
> [@yellowval](#): > > No way! Those are two of _my_ talents! I think I’m seeing something here … Hey, do you think that with some extra stretch, you can stick your tongue part-way _up_ your nose? 'Cuz I can! Now if we can just figure out a way to work in my freakish pinkie toes, I think we’re in! Well, as long as I don’t have to stick my tongue part way up _your_ nose, I’m all for trying. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/69 "2004-04-30T14:42:46Z")
> [@rockle](#): > > Naked Blacklight Singing Dog Hula Skirt[sup]TM[/sup] Er, sorry, that should be "Naked Blacklight Singing\*\*\*-and-Dancing\*\*\* Dog_ **s** _ Hula Skirt[sup]TM[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/70 "2004-04-30T14:47:11Z")
**Mausmagill** - you’ve got the job. Show no mercy, take no prisoners! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/71 "2004-04-30T14:51:28Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > **Mausmagill** - you’ve got the job. Show no mercy, take no prisoners! But wear a Scooter T-shirt – please? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/72 "2004-04-30T15:13:29Z")
I can make a spectacular cake for the after party celebration… my talent is I can feed two kids and surf the dope at the same time!!! ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/73 "2004-04-30T15:14:52Z")
I’m pretty sure I can fly. I’ve only made one attempt, but I just haven’t found the right venue. That first attempt failed, I believe, because the dishtowel I’d borrowed from my mother was too small, and not exactly the right shade of blue. Of course, being 6 years old at the time, a second performance was vetoed by the management, the afore-mentioned, Mom. The garage roof was thereafter off limits. I don’t know why. I even put a pillow where I expected to land. (about 10 feet from the garage.) Saftey first! So… I’m available for another flight. I’ll buy my _own_ dishtowel, I mean cape, this time. ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/74 "2004-04-30T15:20:48Z")
posted by **rockle** > [@](#): > > If that’s a euphemism, nobody better tell my husband, 'K? It’ll be our little secret until opening night. No euphemisms necessary in this act, sweetie, 'cause your dancing partner is sorta missing his macadamias. _Now, 1,2,3,4 grab those paws and cha-cha-cha!_ ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/75 "2004-04-30T15:24:19Z")
I can play the Irish whistle. And the accordian. I can also [hold an entire pint of beer, using only my cleavage](http://www.kat22.com/londope_2004_01_24/images/c01.jpg). So, what do you say? ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/76 "2004-04-30T15:28:34Z")
Last year’s Dope-a-Ween participants learned all about my violin-playing talents, even though I was trying not to show off too much. Or, if that’s too high-brow for this show, you’re going to need a lighting/sound tech. I’ve done enough talent shows in my lifetime to know how to mix just about _anything._ ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/77 "2004-04-30T15:36:33Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > Well, as long as I don’t have to stick my tongue part way up _your_ nose, I’m all for trying. You’re on! Now, to the most important decision of all: what color sequins? I’m all for yellow, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/78 "2004-04-30T15:40:23Z")
> [@IrreverentTone](#): > > No euphemisms necessary in this act, sweetie, 'cause your dancing partner is sorta missing his macadamias. No problem. I’ve got coconuts enough for all of us. _Bah-dum-TCHIKS!_ ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/79 "2004-04-30T16:06:18Z")
**Angua** - how would you like to run the concession stand? I’m betting that cleavage beer would fetch an premium price - you can rake off 10% for yourself - whaddya say? **av8rmike** - I like me some fiddlin’ - pick out a coupla toe-tappers for us! **twicks** - are you getting all this down? Or do we need to hire a flunky to take our notes and bring our lattes? ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/80 "2004-04-30T16:07:48Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > **Angua** - how would you like to run the concession stand? I’m betting that cleavage beer would fetch an premium price - you can rake off 10% for yourself - whaddya say? Sounds good to me boss. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=5)