# Doper Talent Show! Sign up here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 29, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754 "2004-04-29T22:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/81 "2004-04-30T16:17:53Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom **twicks** - are you getting all this down? Or do we need to hire a flunky to take our notes and bring our lattes?[/QUOTE] I was thinking we could work on a preliminary lineup this weekend – I’m still hoping to get some ventriloquists or plate spinners, though. Or bird calls. Can anyone do bird calls? ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/82 "2004-04-30T16:18:47Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **Dragwyr** could probably use someone to help out – that person would need a security clearance of some sort; and we’ll need the little guy with the toothbrush moustache, the thick glasses, and the cap to come out with the push broom to clean up sequins, etc., between acts. Any volunteers? An assistant would be appreciated VERY much. They can wear the sequined gown. It is just a bit too revealing for me to wear. 😃 Any assistant I end up getting to help me out will have to take an oath not to reveal any of my trade secrets. After all, when I make that giant elephant appear from nowhere, I have to be sure nobody is going to be selling notes on how I did it afterwards. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/83 "2004-04-30T16:25:34Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > **flamingbananas** - I think we’ll just pass on the flaming poo. This is gonna be a high-class production - you can tell that by all the sequins! So what else ya got?? I know **twicks** would love a whole bunch of flaming batons! _sigh_ I didn’t think you would jump at the flaming poo.Hmmmm. Well I am in ballet. OH OH. How about I twirl flaming batons, WHILE doing stuff on Pointe (on my toes, for the dimwittedly people). I have an old costume that has TONS of sequins. The ENTIRE skirt is all sequins. AND AND AND, GET THIS. GOLD. SEQUINS. it might not fit…I mean i wore it about 6 years ago… Anyway, if I do that and get a really goldy sparkly sequin costume, can I be in? And I promise I won’t do the shoulder thing. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/84 "2004-04-30T16:28:53Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > How about I twirl flaming batons, WHILE doing stuff on Pointe (on my toes, for the dimwittedly people). I have an old costume that has TONS of sequins. The ENTIRE skirt is all sequins. AND AND AND, GET THIS. GOLD. SEQUINS. it might not fit…I mean i wore it about 6 years ago… Anyway, if I do that and get a really goldy sparkly sequin costume, can I be in? And I promise I won’t do the shoulder thing. Sounds good to me! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/85 "2004-04-30T16:34:56Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > … Or bird calls. Can anyone do bird calls? The way this is shaping up, you probably won’t need any birdcalls. There’ll be _catcalls_ aplenty. I know we have songwriters here…Someone write a song for my coon dog to sing while **rockle** dances with the macadamia-challenged dog. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/86 "2004-04-30T16:37:35Z")
Rockin’ So **twickster** , can you dance? Or twirl flaming batons? Or do you have gold sequins? ---
**Author:** ![SkyClad72724](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@SkyClad72724](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyClad72724)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/87 "2004-04-30T16:46:02Z")
You know what you need? Ushers. I could be a very efficient usher. I’ll wear my roller-skates (properly decked out in sequins of course!) I’ll also wear an usher outfit… With a bow-tie and jacket and mini skrit (all with sequins!) What better way to start the show?? ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/88 "2004-04-30T16:57:49Z")
Need another animal act? I’ve got a cat that likes to perform in front of people. We have an act called “Fishing for Cat”, that kids just love. Need a hardwood floor for this. I take a fuzzy little mouse toy and tie it to a fishing line, then cast out across the room. The cat (Pinhead) comes tearing out from a hiding spot, grabs the mouse-toy in his mouth and goes running down the hall. The drag is set very lightly on the fishing reel, so the line screams off sounding like I’ve hooked a big fish. When he stops, I tighten the drag and reel him in. He growls and fights the whole way, vainly scrabbling against the hardwood floor to get any traction possible. Once reeled in, I simply touch the mouse and he drops it to go running back to his hidey-hole, ready to repeat the process. Problem: he’s not to tolerant of dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/89 "2004-04-30T17:02:14Z")
I just had a thought… what are we going to call this talent show? Surely calling it the, **SDMB Talent Show** , or \*\*the Doper Talent Show \*\* wouldn’t be good enough considering the caliber of talent you have already lined up for this gala of an event. And since sequins seem to be a major theme here, why not call it… **The Straight Dope Sequined Extraveganza!** … or not. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/90 "2004-04-30T17:08:43Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > Rockin’ So **twickster** , can you dance? Or twirl flaming batons? Or do you have gold sequins? :dubious: I could, if I _chose_ to – I’ve been tap-dancing for more than 15 years. Darn it, though, I’m still not 100% after breaking my ankle this past winter – plus **FCM** claims she doesn’t know the song _Psycho Killer_ (the only number I’ve ever choreographed as a solo), so she’d be unable to accompany me on accordion. I think we’ll stick to emceeing and overseeing the artistic vision. **SkyClad** – I don’t have a problem with your appearing on stage: would you like to roller-skate on with **Maureen** ’s glass of water? **TwoTrouts** – Love it! How about we put you in the first half of the show, so you and pinhead can leave during intermission – clearly the doper/dog/hula number is shaping up to be something we’ll want to close the show with. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/91 "2004-04-30T17:21:19Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > :dubious: I could, if I _chose_ to – I’ve been tap-dancing for more than 15 years. Darn it, though, I’m still not 100% after breaking my ankle this past winter – plus **FCM** claims she doesn’t know the song _Psycho Killer_ (the only number I’ve ever choreographed as a solo), so she’d be unable to accompany me on accordion. I think we’ll stick to emceeing and overseeing the artistic vision… So shall we do a tap dance/ballet number? I _think_ I have heard of Psycho Killer. Let’s all decide on a song. My brother plays bass to the extreme, but I don’t want him in it. And, he isn’t a Doper. And he smells. ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/92 "2004-04-30T17:56:40Z")
> [@](#): > > rjk, a greased pig? Sweetie-baby, this is the theatah, not the county fair. Love ya, love your work, maybe you should do a re-think and get back to us, thxbye. No, no, no, **FCM**! You don’t understand! This is folklore! Culture! Stories from history! (I’m sure Leroy wouldn’t lend me the pig anyway, even if I asked.) _Sigh!_ OK, I’ll just stay backstage with the fire extinguisher in case any of those flaming batons get out of control. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/93 "2004-04-30T18:04:11Z")
> [@rjk](#): > > OK, I’ll just stay backstage with the fire extinguisher in case any of those flaming batons get out of control. Never underestimate the importance and awesome power of the Assistant Stage Manager (or, as we used to call him back in high school Drama Club - AsSMan). ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/94 "2004-04-30T18:08:22Z")
**SkyClad72724** : I’m confused, so help me out! I always thought your name was **ThePerfectChild[sup]TM[/sup]**. You’ve been called that for years on this board. Your first few posts here, I couldn’t figure out who you were. I hope the name change doesn’t mean you’ve slipped from the ranks of perfection. 😃 Oh, yeah; the usher’s outfit sounds great. But then, I’m not part of the management team for this project. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/95 "2004-04-30T18:11:38Z")
I’ll strip if the show goes after midnight. My wife likes the routine where I start in a business suit and end up in a leather jock. I can also do a Dr. (complete with white coat and stethoscope) and Policeman (keep the key to the handcuffs in a safe spot to save any embarassment). ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/96 "2004-04-30T18:50:33Z")
I’m afraid all I can do is sing. Anybody want a wav of my a capella version of “Jambalaya”? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/97 "2004-04-30T19:10:40Z")
**John Carter** , alas, she’s no longer a child. She’s registered to vote and everything. But she durn well better stay perfect, at least until she graduates. As for her new identity, I have no idea where it came from, although I do know what the numbers mean. She explained it to me. **plnnr** - I like the business suit idea. Cops have been overdone, and I’m not all that fond of the doctor idea. Now, if you have a lumberjack outfit, you might be set for an encore. **Dragwyr** , I love it: **The Straight Dope Sequinned Extravaganza!** ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/98 "2004-04-30T19:15:39Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > I was thinking we could work on a preliminary lineup this weekend – I’m still hoping to get some ventriloquists or plate spinners, though. Or bird calls. Can anyone do bird calls? I was thinking my cockatiel, Buddy, and I could whistle the Andy of Mayberry theme. Would that work? He’s quite talented and can even whistle for that dancing dog and bark like him, too. Tupug (I am not making this up) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/99 "2004-04-30T19:24:30Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > I was thinking my cockatiel, Buddy, and I could whistle the Andy of Mayberry theme. Would that work? I _like_ it! Head over to wardrobe for matching straw hats and fishing poles. (Buddy can handle a fishing pole, right?) ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754/100 "2004-04-30T19:30:41Z")
Ok, **yellowval** and I are sticking our tongues up our noses but please note, not each other’s noses; bending our fingers, one joint at a time; and all this in Yellow Sequins. Are we wearing anything else or just the sequins? Maybe I better get the Epilady out just in case… 😛 \*warming up 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doper-talent-show-sign-up-here/242754.md?page=6)