# Doperball II **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 20, 2004, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687 "2004-08-20T06:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/1 "2004-08-20T06:31:31Z")
It’s been awhile, and after the complete routing of the Ravenous Wallflowers (or something similar to that) by Team Pants on Fire, I think about time to play this again. The rules and the game in action can be found here [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=255868). Here are the rules as according to **Hal Briston** : > [@](#): > > Once the game begins, the first person to post has the ball. You can do whatever you like with it, but you must end your post by passing the ball. The next poster is the person who caught the ball. If it’s a teammate, great. If not, oh well, the other team has control. Simple, right? Now, scoring: > > In order to score, three consecutive teammates must touch the ball. When the third person has the ball, they can either toss it into the goal for a point, or pass it off to (hopefully) another teammate. If you choose to pass, and a teammate gets it, they can either toss it in for two points or they can pass as well. If a teammate catches this pass, they must put it in the goal for three points. > > Be careful with all this extra-point passing however, because once you touch the ball you cannot touch it again until there is a score, or the opposing team gains control. > > Once you score, you toss the ball back into the middle and we begin again. Teams are named by the first member of the team to score a point for their team. Teams are decided by the first letter of their username and are divided as follows: **Team 1** : A C E G I K M O Q S U W Y **Team 2** : B D F H J L N P R T V X Z For this game at least, I’ll act as ref. And here we go! **JimSox5** tosses the ball up to be controlled by. . . ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/2 "2004-08-20T06:54:49Z")
…Team 2! Good for us. I run around for a while, looking hopelessly unathletic, finally falling upon the ground, gasping for breath, wondering where the hell I am. At least 200 yards from the nearest goal (of either team) and hopelessly gasping for air, I blindly toss the ball behind me, hoping to hell a teamie is there to cover my assets. It turns out that the person behind me belongs to Team… ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/3 "2004-08-20T06:57:39Z")
A couple things I realized I forgot to put in the OP: Game is to 11, must win by two Make sure you post who are recieving the ball from. It can get hectic and we want to keep things clear. Anyway, back to the game, Team 2 in control. . . ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/4 "2004-08-20T07:04:30Z")
…team 2! Johnny Bravo leaps into action and grabs the ball from **Standup Karmic**. Unfortunately, he immediately falls flat on his face and the ball rolls across the court, stopping at whose feet? Why, none other than… ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/5 "2004-08-20T07:38:03Z")
**Johnny Bravo** ’s roll nudges **BraheSilver** ’s shoes. He looks down and recognizes the Doperball. Somewhere, a string quarter changes to a minor key. “I swore I’d never return to the field. Not after last time…” **Brahe** seems to be having some sort of horrific flashback, something that would make for a riveting Movie of The Week but is absolutely no use at all here in the game. As he falls over and curls into the fetal position, he inadvertantly kicks the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/6 "2004-08-20T11:21:58Z")
Brahe kicks the ball which hits Unclviny in the head and he cries like a pissed off 2 year old, in his tantrum he smacks the ball and it rolls limply away. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/7 "2004-08-20T11:30:08Z")
…to be retrieved by Chimpy who makes a dash for the endzone, trips over his shoelaces, falling flat on his face as the ball takes flight. ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/8 "2004-08-20T11:35:49Z")
…team 2!! Phelan snatches the loose ball with one hand that **Chimpy** dropped, and starts heading for the oppisite end,dodging, dipping, and dodging, all while humming the Notre Dame theme. He throws, kicks, or shoots the ball, and it goes off the post, and back to… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/9 "2004-08-20T12:31:43Z")
…Johnny Bravo, who is still laying face down on the ground. The ball bounces off his head and arcs towards… ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/10 "2004-08-20T12:36:22Z")
**Phelan** ’s shot makes an audible “ping” sound as it ricochets, in a very slow and dramatic way, straight at **Standup Karmic**. “I have two options, I believe,” says Karmic to himself. “I could grab that ball and hurl it at the goal-scoring-receptacle - what did they call that…a net? - and be done with it. I’ll be a hero…everyone will love me. I’ll be like that chap, Rudy. Now there’s a name you don’t hear very often - Rudy. I sounds common enough, but I can’t say that I’ve ever known a Rudy. Same goes for ‘Betty’. You wouldn’t think of ‘Betty’ as a rare name. Maybe they’re just older names. The kind that were used back at this time in the 20th century. Names like Mildred and George. You don’t hear ‘George’ very often, though I believe that was once quite common. Oh hey, remember George? I loved that dog. The finest Border Collie a boy could ever have as a pet. I miss George. I miss having a dog, period. Maybe I should get one. They’re just so cute and…and…companionable. Companionable? Hey, what was the name of that girl with the snake. She was a lovely young thing. Her name was…uuuuhhhhhhhh…uuuuhhhhhhhhh…I suppose it doesn’t matter. Oh crap, I’ve got that haircut appointment today at 3. I’ll have to remember to leave work early. Hmm…Friday eh? Thank God the weekend’s finally here. What a week. But today is still a workday. I wonder if that sausage in the 'fridge is still good. That’d make a decent lunch. Oh, and I have to remember to stop and buy toner on the way home. Mmmmmm…craaaaackers. I wonder what a cracker factory looks like. Didn’t Bart and his school go to a cracker factory once? I don’t recall. It sounds familiar. Maybe that was me. Huh! I wonder how they…” Before the ‘ping’ has even faded from the air, the ball hits Karmic square betwee the eyes, who seems to have been lost in thought and never even saw it coming. With yet another audible ‘ping’, the ball bounces off of Karmic’s Neanderthalic forehead and **springs into Team 1’s goal**. ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/11 "2004-08-20T12:38:29Z")
…ahem… pardon me The ball makes an audible “ping” sound as it bounces off of **Johnny Bravo** ’s head, and in a very slow and dramatic way, straight at **Standup Karmic**. “I have two options, I believe,” says Karmic to himself. “I could grab that ball and hurl it at the goal-scoring-receptacle - what did they call that…a net? - and be done with it. I’ll be a hero…everyone will love me. I’ll be like that chap, Rudy. Now there’s a name you don’t hear very often - Rudy. I sounds common enough, but I can’t say that I’ve ever known a Rudy. Same goes for ‘Betty’. You wouldn’t think of ‘Betty’ as a rare name. Maybe they’re just older names. The kind that were used back at this time in the 20th century. Names like Mildred and George. You don’t hear ‘George’ very often, though I believe that was once quite common. Oh hey, remember George? I loved that dog. The finest Border Collie a boy could ever have as a pet. I miss George. I miss having a dog, period. Maybe I should get one. They’re just so cute and…and…companionable. Companionable? Hey, what was the name of that girl with the snake. She was a lovely young thing. Her name was…uuuuhhhhhhhh…uuuuhhhhhhhhh…I suppose it doesn’t matter. Oh crap, I’ve got that haircut appointment today at 3. I’ll have to remember to leave work early. Hmm…Friday eh? Thank God the weekend’s finally here. What a week. But today is still a workday. I wonder if that sausage in the 'fridge is still good. That’d make a decent lunch. Oh, and I have to remember to stop and buy toner on the way home. Mmmmmm…craaaaackers. I wonder what a cracker factory looks like. Didn’t Bart and his school go to a cracker factory once? I don’t recall. It sounds familiar. Maybe that was me. Huh! I wonder how they…” Before the ‘ping’ has even faded from the air, the ball hits Karmic square betwee the eyes, who seems to have been lost in thought and never even saw it coming. With yet another audible ‘ping’, the ball bounces off of Karmic’s Neanderthalic forehead and **springs into Team 1’s goal**. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/12 "2004-08-20T12:42:35Z")
geez Louise… I meant Team 2’s first goal. I just got up, leave me be. Louise…there’s a name you don’t hear too often. Not true, I’ve known a few, but all in my teen years. I wonder if it’s a name that… ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/13 "2004-08-20T12:59:42Z")
_sigh_ So, I just re-read the rules. And because I touched the ball twice without there being a score in between, Team 2 loses possession. I’m assuming that my goal will be disqualfied. I’m going to go now. I may be back. Or I may just watch from the stands. This is why I don’t play sports. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/14 "2004-08-20T16:02:51Z")
No, you’re fine, **Standup** , because the ball changed possession inbetween your touches, and your other posts, I assume, were attempting to correct your typo 😉 So, **Team 2** draws first blood, 1-0, and the ball goes back to the middle, open season. Oh, and **Standup** , you get the incredibly high pressure job of naming your team. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/15 "2004-08-20T17:02:27Z")
Woohoo! Game on! Taking the feed off of the ref, I pull out my portable trebuchet, load it up with the Doperball, and send that sucker flying downfield straight toward… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/16 "2004-08-20T18:27:26Z")
I think Standup is a bit confused. He’s been playing for Team 2, but the chart clearly indicated that he belongs to Team 1. ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/17 "2004-08-20T18:34:18Z")
Looks like it was an own goal. So who’s team does Standup get to name then? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/18 "2004-08-20T19:12:19Z")
You know, I’m not unathletic in a “hung out in the chess club room in high school” kinda way. I mean, I blade, I snowboard, I hike. I even do a bit of weight training. But what you see here is the reason that I was ALWAYS picked last for teams those many years ago in school. I mean, I can’t even play a _text-based sport_ without scoring on my own freakin’ net! Holy crap, eh? If I still get to name my team, I’m gonna name it, “The Team That’s Stuck With Standup”. If I get to name the other team, they’re gonna be called “Glad Those Bastards Have Standup”. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/19 "2004-08-20T19:31:44Z")
Thanks for the clarification, **JohnnyBravo**. I thought it was me. **Hal Briston** ’s trebuchet shot strikes **danceswithcats** square in the back of the head, as he has stumbled onto the field to relieve himself after another night of MAD debauchery. Mumbling obscenities, he dodges the dancing badgers while rushing towards the goal line, only to trip over a carelessly discarded bananaphone, passing the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/20 "2004-08-20T19:32:14Z")
So, if I catch it from\*\* Hal \*\* and throw it in, we get a point? If so, I do… Where’s the ball? What’s going on? 😕 help! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687.md?page=2)