# Doperball II **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 20, 2004, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687 "2004-08-20T06:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/181 "2004-08-29T22:12:44Z")
Wanders onto the field half asleep after nap… Oh ok Here! Can I go back to sleep now? Wanders away. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/182 "2004-08-29T22:27:36Z")
grabs the ball and throws it at **picnurse**. If you are going to come onto the field have asleep, the decent thing to do would be to score on your own net. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/183 "2004-08-30T01:31:40Z")
Smoothly intercepting **Greenback** ’s attempted beanball, **danceswithcats** boards his spinner-wheel-cover equipped Segway and powers towards the Team 1 goal, thus affording the opportunity for another DDDer to segue into this thread… ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/184 "2004-08-30T09:45:13Z")
: comes skating in on her board and snatches the pass from **danceswithcats** : \*\* Hoo-Yow! \*\*😃 : crouches low for the halfpipe at the end of the field and sets up a pass to… : ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/185 "2004-08-30T17:41:48Z")
Team 2 DDD Geez, **harmless** , you’ve been squatting there for about 10 hours now. That’s gotta hurt. Here, lemme grab that Doperball outta your cramped hands. **Doc** shoots! He scooooores! Woot! Woot! Everybody duck the low flying fireworks! ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/186 "2004-08-30T17:50:19Z")
**Team 1** : 2 **Team DDD** : 8 A three-pointer could win it. . . **Team 1** , you guys need to do some scoring! ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/187 "2004-08-30T17:58:27Z")
Team DDD 2 : Grabs the lighter fluid and sets the ball into play : **Game on!** ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/188 "2004-08-30T18:43:43Z")
As the flaming speroid approaches, **danceswithcats** dons a Nomex® codpiece and mittens, snags the flaming orb and rushes towards the Team 1 goal. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/189 "2004-08-30T18:50:51Z")
…alright so we agree that a long term deal works and will be around $64 million (US) for the 5 years. Now then, the bonus structure has to be made a little sweeter. And I want 5 sponsors deals. Three is just not good eno… :the flames ignite **GB’s** contract: : **GB** races across the field in a blind rage taking the ball from **danceswithcats** and takes off for Team 2’s goal mumbling the whole time: I need a house, and a yacht, and 15 cars, and : **GB** rings the ball off the goal posts in frustration: Hey, it’s a contract year. I have to perform 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/190 "2004-08-30T19:03:18Z")
**Standup Karmic** uses one of those snake-things with the thumb-operated plunger on the handle that some people use to get things from behind the couch or under the fridge – only this one is much, much longer – to reach from his office at work right onto the field and grab the ball that **Greenback** just pinged off the post. If you’ve ever used one of those snake-things, you know that it can take half an hour just to grab something “just right” from under the fridge; it’s often much easier and quicker just to move th e fridge though not as much fun. Anyway, if you’ve ever experienced that, you know why **S/K** _just barely manages_ to get hold of the ball before it slips from between the grips. DAMMIT! It lies there, waiting to be recovered by… ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/191 "2004-08-30T19:04:30Z")
Oh, and **Team 1**. That’s two touches in a row! Go, us!! ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/192 "2004-08-30T19:05:33Z")
: watches as the ball flung by **Greenback** ricochets and hits a scout directly in the forehead : So much for that. 😛 : catches the rebound and takes off skipping down the field : ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/193 "2004-08-30T19:08:26Z")
Son of A… MotherF… OG BLESS AMERICA, dammit! :mad: : scoops up the ball dropped by **Standup Karmic** : MINE! le snarl ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/194 "2004-08-30T19:35:29Z")
Team 2 D[sup]3[/sup] **Yoink!** Correction: _Mine_. 😛 Thanks for the handoff, teammate. 🙂 Ok folks, Team 2 is three points away from maintaining our undefeated status. Lets close this out in style – we’re looking for the three-pointer here. That’s five consecutive Team 2 touches. **harmless** and myself make two, so let’s get three more Team 2’ers in here to finish this off. Remember – our contracts call for fat performance bonuses for those involved in the winning play. 😃 And with that, I give a doperball a behind-the-back pass to… ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/195 "2004-08-30T20:14:28Z")
**Greenback** 😃 :Seemingly alone except for teammate **Standup Karmic** , Greenback decides something drastic must be done and punctures the ball: Let’s see you guys get ball movement with this. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/196 "2004-08-30T20:19:58Z")
: grabs the floppy ball from **Greenback** , huffs and puffs and passes out : ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/197 "2004-08-30T20:34:26Z")
Based on the evil behavior of **Greenback** , this situation calls for Ballslime™. No, this has nothing to do with my personal hygiene, thank yew. **danceswithcats** pulls a can of Ballslime™ from his Doperball Actionbelt™, and in no time has the puncture sealed, the ball inflated, and a pleasant scent of lilac in the air. The crowd roars their approval _Throw the ball, asshole_ so I toss it towards the Team 1 goal ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/198 "2004-08-30T21:29:34Z")
Team 2 DDD **Doc** snags the pass from **danceswithcats** , takes a whiff and decides he rather likes that smell. He sits down on the field and loving holds the ball to his nose, saying “You remind me of my grandmomma”. ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/199 "2004-08-30T21:37:50Z")
Speaking of drastic, **Standup** grabs the ball from **Doc** to prevent any further public ball caressing. Knowing that he has some nasty deadlines at work and really needs to get back at ‘er, he does absolutely nothing fancy or creative and just throws the freakin’ ball. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/200 "2004-08-30T22:08:15Z")
Tanky mucho, **Standup Karmic**! : harmless completely ignores the pile of papers on her desk (like who’s going to work in the last 20 minutes :rolleyes: 😃 ) and UPS’ the ball to… : [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687.md?page=11)