# Doperball II **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 20, 2004, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687 "2004-08-20T06:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/61 "2004-08-26T18:12:08Z")
Sees the loose ball dribbling away from **harmless** , scoops it up, juggles the ball, an orange, and a cigar while running down the field towards the opposing goal, then falls on his face while loose objects fly everywhere! The ball deflects off the orange just in time to be nudged into the corner of the goal: _score, Team 2!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/62 "2004-08-26T18:12:13Z")
(Team 1) DENIED! …as **Yeti** bends down to pick up **Johnny Bravo’s** sandwich, he accidently head-butts **harmless** , knocking her down and the ball lands on the sandwich. Picking up both ball and sandwich, **Yeti** eats the smushed sandwich and licks the mustard off the ball and another saliva bath ensues…A loud belch from **Yeti** strips the ball out of his hands and the speeding ball of slimey muck hits squarely in the stomach of… ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/63 "2004-08-26T18:14:28Z")
Damn You RTFirefly!!! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/64 "2004-08-26T18:21:22Z")
Mea culpa, that WAS **Hal** curled up cutely and snoozing at midfield. You and **JimSox** look so much alike, what with the spiffy uniforms and all. Anywoo, back to the action on the field where Team 2’s **Doctor Jackson** gently takes the ball from **harmless** (being sure to “accidently” touch her hands and giving his best flirty look) and torns to face the target. The tension can be cut with a knife, but **Doc** choses to slice through it with a jewel encrusted sabre instead. He steadys himself - he shoots, HE SCORES! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! He’s on a scoring rampage! Somebody call Nike, it’s gotta be the shoes! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/65 "2004-08-26T18:23:10Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > Damn You RTFirefly!!! Yeah, I’m one sneaky bastard, aren’t I? My chief weapon is surprise…wait a minute, that’s some _other_ guys. My chief weapon is wicked smartassery! The ball thrown by **Yeticus Rex** bounces off of **RTF** ’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. As the wild-eyed Team 2 player falls gasping to the dirt, he flicks the ball downfield, where… ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/66 "2004-08-26T18:28:19Z")
OK, completely edit my last post. It should read: Team 2’s **Doctor Jackson** congratulates **RTF** on the goal, even though it ends **Doc’s** dreams of consecutive scores. **Doc** then picks up the ball, still covered in the remnants of **RTF’s** lunch. **Doc** is heard to murmer “Eeewwww!” as he flings the disgusting ball away and looks for a Team 1 player on which to wipe his hands. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/67 "2004-08-26T18:31:48Z")
Geez, I go out to buy some envelops to mail in some rebates, and all this happens! Okay, with **RTFirefly** ’s goal, we have **Team 1** : 1 **Team 2** : 2 The last to touch the ball is **Doctor Jackson**. Here we go! ---
**Author:** ![Anngela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/34f0e0/32.png) [@Anngela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anngela)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/68 "2004-08-26T18:42:11Z")
> [@Doctor Jackson](#): > > OK, completely edit my last post. It should read: > > Team 2’s **Doctor Jackson** congratulates **RTF** on the goal, even though it ends **Doc’s** dreams of consecutive scores. **Doc** then picks up the ball, still covered in the remnants of **RTF’s** lunch. **Doc** is heard to murmer “Eeewwww!” as he flings the disgusting ball away and looks for a Team 1 player on which to wipe his hands. Team 1 Glad she’s no where near **Doc** at the moment, **Abb** deftly catches the ball in a snatch not unlike the one used by mothers the world over who are catching the ball moments before it hits the lamp gifted to the family by the grumpy Mother-in-Law and does a pitiful but hopefully effective water polo waggle as she passes the ball. ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/69 "2004-08-26T19:32:06Z")
**Standup Karmic** , freshly returned from the eye surgeon after **Doctor Jackson** gouged out his eyes (isn’t that against the Hippopotamus Oath or something, _ **Doc** _), grabs the pass from **Anngela**. Having had new _bionic_ eyes installed into his head (for only eight bucks, too! You have no idea just how much bionics have come down in price since Col. Steve Austin, the first prototype, was fitted with them in the mid-70s to the tune of several million bucks) and a new bionic arm retrofit (still weaker that your average 12-year-old-girl, but a vast improvement nonetheless), **Standup** hurls the Doperball towards Team 2’s net with that familiar “de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de” sound that things hurled bionically make, and whizzes, with laser-like accuracy, directly into their net! Team 1………SCORE!! Those new size ‘DD’ eye implants are really doing their job! For those who might be interested in his fate, Col. Steve Austin was just recently dropped off at Office Depot for their [E-roundup](http://www.officedepot.com/promo.do?file=/promo/pages/recycle.jsp). Harsh maybe, but compared to the new stuff, he was ridiculously obsolete and his handlers were tired of having him stacked in the storage room with some old PC XTs and a first generation Palm. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/70 "2004-08-26T19:40:17Z")
And Team 2’s **RTFirefly** , noticing that only two consecutive Team 1 players touched the ball before it went in the goal, calmly picks the ball up out of the goal, pulls one of those little needle-shaped things you inflate balls with out of his pocket, deflates the ball partway, takes it over to a helium tank on the sidelines, and injects just enough helium so the ball wants to float about 1.5m (~5 ft) off the ground. He gives it a good _whap_ which carries it about fifteen feet in the air before air resistance bogs it down, and… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/71 "2004-08-26T19:48:31Z")
(Team 2) **Johnny Bravo** scoops it up and cartwheels down the field. Unfortunately, he becomes distracted by a gaggle of cheerleaders and drops the ball, where it lays waiting to be picked up by… ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/72 "2004-08-26T20:08:32Z")
… **Hal** , who scoops up the ball last touched by **JB** , and rears back to hurl it in for the score. But wait! At the last moment, he tosses a lateral back down the field, looking for a fellow Team 2’er to hit it in for the two-fer! And the ball is caught by… ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/73 "2004-08-26T20:12:08Z")
Chance for a two, maybe even three pointer (the so-called holy grail of doperball). . .the tension mounts. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/74 "2004-08-26T21:24:25Z")
Team 2’s **Doctor Jacskon** ,amazed over this sentance in a previous post: > [@](#): > > **Abb** deftly catches the ball in a snatch… nabs **Hal’s** lateral. Still unable to get rid of a rather interesting mental image, **Doc** decides to gamble. He tosses a crossing pass directly in front of the net to set Team 2 up for a 3 pointer by… ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/75 "2004-08-26T21:26:32Z")
His mental fog is so great that he can no longer spell. Oh well, no one ever acused us athletes of being smart. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/76 "2004-08-26T21:36:21Z")
[Team 1] Greenback picks up the ball and runs down the field like a pro. Teammates are all calling for the pass. The coach is calling for Greenback to sub… Stop yelling at me!!! Greenback slams the ball into the ground and writhes on the ground holding his ears. ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2004, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/77 "2004-08-26T22:29:06Z")
Woohoo! **Greenback** saved the day (before his collapse)! **Agonist** deftly picks up the ball from beside Greenback’s prone form, and sprints as fast as she can away from all those Team 2 bruisers. Before they can catch up to her, she tosses the ball toward that trim, sleek, athletic player known as… Someone help me with a Team name - what do I know from Doperball? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/78 "2004-08-27T01:32:58Z")
…Team 2’s **Johnny Bravo** who, it should be noted, is neither trim, sleek, or athletic. He attaches the ball to an RC airplane and flies it towards the goal. Unfortunately, the engine cuts out and dives right at… ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/79 "2004-08-27T02:11:07Z")
team 1’s **Adhemar** while having her nose stuck in the book “Wicked” trying to finish those last few riviting pages, trips over some spherical object floating just off the ground away from **Johnny Brovo**. What the heck? Said sperical object ashoots away to … ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2004, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687/80 "2004-08-27T03:41:55Z")
Team 2 … **Hal** , now dressed in full _Braveheart_ garb. Grabbing the ball away from it’s position near **adhemar** , he charges downfield, waving a broadsword and screaming incoherently (something about vengence against **Greenback** for spoiling a three-pointer). Unfortunately, he is tripped up by his kilt and the ball goes flying towards… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-ii/260687.md?page=5)