# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/221 "2005-09-05T02:40:55Z")
(I’m pretty sure that **Draelin** isn’t a weekend poster-type.) ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/222 "2005-09-05T02:42:14Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > me, who uses the ball as part of a disguise to make me look fat, and strolls down towards the goal, stopping when I think I am reall close, and I lob the ball underhand to… … **Feydeau** who absolutely does NOT want to know where you’ve had the ball. I toss it up into the air, where it is caught by… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/223 "2005-09-05T02:44:11Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > … **Feydeau** who absolutely does NOT want to know where you’ve had the ball. > > I toss it up into the air, where it is caught by… **GT** who hopes that **twicks** will be right back because the game seems to have leapt past her, but she could score here… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/224 "2005-09-05T02:45:50Z")
but instead, I intercept the pass from **gardentraveler** and hand it to… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/225 "2005-09-05T02:46:00Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > … **Feydeau** who absolutely does NOT want to know where you’ve had the ball. What? I simply put it under my shirt, and it was positioned over my stomach. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/226 "2005-09-05T02:46:23Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **GT** who hopes that **twicks** will be right back because the game seems to have leapt past her, but she could score here… …and **twicks** scampers back in the nick of time to spike the ball! Oh shit, you mean I wasn’t supposed to drive a spike through the ball? My bad. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/227 "2005-09-05T02:48:25Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > but instead, I intercept the pass from **gardentraveler** and hand it to… Damn. Not quite the nick of time. **twicks** intercepts it and dazzles the still-nameless-team-o’wannabes with her fancy footwork as she pirouettes and shot puts the ball to … ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/228 "2005-09-05T02:52:03Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Damn. Not quite the nick of time. > > **twicks** intercepts it and dazzles the still-nameless-team-o’wannabes with her fancy footwork as she pirouettes and shot puts the ball to … **Sternvogel** , whose pass is caught by… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/229 "2005-09-05T02:52:19Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Damn. Not quite the nick of time. > > **twicks** intercepts it and dazzles the still-nameless-team-o’wannabes with her fancy footwork as she pirouettes and shot puts the ball to … **gardentraveler** who decides that all this ball-spiking and shot-putting has turned the ball into a very comfy pillow and curls up next to the cake because it’s way past her bedtime… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/230 "2005-09-05T02:54:28Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , whose pass is caught by… **gardentraveler** who’s so tired, she’s catching the ball from everyone these days… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/231 "2005-09-05T03:01:22Z")
with only the stalwart insomniacs remaining, I’ll take that ball from **gardentraveler** and hope that one of my teammates is awake to catch this pass… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/232 "2005-09-05T03:03:15Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > with only the stalwart insomniacs remaining, I’ll take that ball from **gardentraveler** and hope that one of my teammates is awake to catch this pass… …but no such luck, **twicks** takes one last trot across the field on her way to bed, pausing only long enough to hand off the ball to … ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/233 "2005-09-05T03:03:51Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > with only the stalwart insomniacs remaining, I’ll take that ball from **gardentraveler** and hope that one of my teammates is awake to catch this pass… meanwhile, I hope one more player on my side is awake, so they can take this pass and make the goal… ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/234 "2005-09-05T03:11:19Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > meanwhile, I hope one more player on my side is awake, so they can take this pass and make the goal… You’re not on **twickster** ’s team anymore, **Scott**. It’s only 10:15 where I am. I can’t believe I caused so much confusion, and so effortlessly! 🆒 Anyway, I grab the ball, run up to the top of the Empire State Building, and drop it on the unsuspecting… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/235 "2005-09-05T03:18:40Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > You’re not on **twickster** ’s team anymore, **Scott**. Yes, that’s why I took it from Cats. To bad I didn’t preview just this once. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/236 "2005-09-05T03:47:09Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > You’re not on **twickster** ’s team anymore, **Scott**. It’s only 10:15 where I am. I can’t believe I caused so much confusion, and so effortlessly! 🆒 Anyway, I grab the ball, run up to the top of the Empire State Building, and drop it on the unsuspecting… **Sternvogel** , who sees the play as going from **Scott** to **Strinka** to himself for a GOAL that puts Team Nameless up by a 5-4 count. ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/237 "2005-09-05T03:54:40Z")
Flashing the obviously dykely referee to win the post-goal tip-off, **honeydewgrrl** grabs the ball and powerfully sprints towards midnight and (hopefully) a Hairy A’s teammate for the handoff… _This portion of insomniac Doperball, brought to you by Mountain Dew™. Doperballer, honeydewgrrl, wants to remind you that if you want late night ‘game’ (or if you’re a particular piano-playing lesbian in North Dakota) to “Do the Dew!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/238 "2005-09-05T04:16:16Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > Flashing the obviously dykely referee to win the post-goal tip-off, **honeydewgrrl** grabs the ball and powerfully sprints towards midnight and (hopefully) a Hairy A’s teammate for the handoff… > > _This portion of insomniac Doperball, brought to you by Mountain Dew™. Doperballer, honeydewgrrl, wants to remind you that if you want late night ‘game’ (or if you’re a particular piano-playing lesbian in North Dakota) to “Do the Dew!”_ Scott grabs the ball, goes back home, brushes his teeth, goes to sleep for five hours, then wanders back to the field and continues downfield… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/239 "2005-09-05T04:28:17Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Scott grabs the ball, goes back home, brushes his teeth, goes to sleep for five hours, then wanders back to the field and continues downfield… … where I take the ball, grab one of **honeydewgrrl** ’s Mountain Dews, wonder whether the entendre level of her “Do the Dew!” comment was \> 1 (as well as just how many lesbian pianists there could be in North Dakota), and pass off to… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/240 "2005-09-05T04:33:26Z")
It is almost eleven! ::Scott begins making victory hamburgers, enough for everyone, in case his team doesn’t win. This in no way involves the ball:: My recipe for hamburgers: Take a standard hamburger, Top it with coleslaw, add Russian Dressing, put a slice of swiss between the bun and the burger add chips if you feel like it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=13)