# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/241 "2005-09-05T04:42:16Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > … where I take the ball, grab one of **honeydewgrrl** ’s Mountain Dews, wonder whether the entendre level of her “Do the Dew!” comment was \> 1 (as well as just how many lesbian pianists there could be in North Dakota), and pass off to… Interception by the **Monstre** , in the nick of time. **Monstre** aims a powerful spin-kick at the ball, misses and falls with a THUD, and the ball bounces off his head to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/242 "2005-09-05T04:45:52Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > Interception by the **Monstre** , in the nick of time. **Monstre** aims a powerful spin-kick at the ball, misses and falls with a THUD, and the ball bounces off his head to… **Sternvogel** , who hopes at least two of his teammates are still awake (or, if in Europe, just waking up) as he rolls the ball downfield to… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/243 "2005-09-05T04:51:51Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who hopes at least two of his teammates are still awake (or, if in Europe, just waking up) as he rolls the ball downfield to… Scott. He trips over it, and it goes sprawling into the hands of… ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/244 "2005-09-05T05:07:26Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Scott. He trips over it, and it goes sprawling into the hands of… …a statue that stands in the plaza of the sprawling complex where the Doperball field is located…somewhere around here. Grabbing the ball from the stone-faced involuntary player, I punt it in the general direction of… (There is only one piano-playing lesbian in North Dakota that matters…the one who just got her nipple pierced for my birthday. :eek: 🆒😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/245 "2005-09-05T05:18:13Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > …a statue that stands in the plaza of the sprawling complex where the Doperball field is located…somewhere around here. Grabbing the ball from the stone-faced involuntary player, I punt it in the general direction of… > > (There is only one piano-playing lesbian in North Dakota that matters…the one who just got her nipple pierced for my birthday. :eek: 🆒😃 ) … **Feydeau** who just tosses it onto the next player. Piano-playing lesbians in North Dakota. Well, I guess someone has to. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/246 "2005-09-05T05:22:46Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > … **Feydeau** who just tosses it onto the next player. It goes into the next player, alright. Me. Right through my sternum. I have collapsed onto the turf. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/247 "2005-09-05T05:31:10Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > It goes into the next player, alright. Me. Right through my sternum. I have collapsed onto the turf. From your sternum to **Sternvogel** , whose maternal grandparents once lived in Mayville, North Dakota, and thus wonders if **honeydewgrrl** would be revealing too much were she to divulge the town the nipple-pierced pianist calls home. ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/248 "2005-09-05T05:47:36Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > From your sternum to **Sternvogel** , whose maternal grandparents once lived in Mayville, North Dakota, and thus wonders if **honeydewgrrl** would be revealing too much were she to divulge the town the nipple-pierced pianist calls home. Thwarting yet another Unnamed offensive, I distract Sternvogel with idle chit-chat long enough to hit the ball from his hands to… She lives in Mandan, but only untill November, when I fly up to accompany her, her two dogs, her Subaru, and a u-haul trailer in her quest to become a Georgia Peach. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/249 "2005-09-05T05:56:56Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > Thwarting yet another Unnamed offensive, I distract Sternvogel with idle chit-chat long enough to hit the ball from his hands to… **Monstre** catches the pass, and fires it quickly downfield to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/250 "2005-09-05T05:57:26Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > Thwarting yet another Unnamed offensive, I distract Sternvogel with idle chit-chat long enough to hit the ball from his hands to… > > She lives in Mandan, but only untill November, when I fly up to accompany her, her two dogs, her Subaru, and a u-haul trailer in her quest to become a Georgia Peach. Hey, that Subaru was likely made here in Lafayette! Too bad we’re not still teammates, as I enjoy fraternizing with you, but you are “the enemy” for Doperball purposes, so I reclaim the ball from you and place it in a piano packing crate, from which it is fished out by… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/251 "2005-09-05T05:59:15Z")
Okay, I was distracted long enough that I failed to realize I’d actually intercepted **Monstre** ’s pass. Are any of my teammates out there? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/252 "2005-09-05T06:00:43Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Hey, that Subaru was likely made here in Lafayette! > > Too bad we’re not still teammates, as I enjoy fraternizing with you, but you are “the enemy” for Doperball purposes, so I reclaim the ball from you and place it in a piano packing crate, from which it is fished out by… **Snakescatlady** , who runs for the goal and SCORES!! (I think) ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/253 "2005-09-05T06:14:54Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > **Snakescatlady** , who runs for the goal and SCORES!! (I think) Nope, **Monstre** ’s post sneaked in ahead of the one you qioted, so my correction represented our first touch of this possession. A reminder: Team 1 (Hairy A’s): A B C F G H I M N O T U Y Team 2 (???): D E J K L P Q R S V W X Z So if you take the ball from me, we need one more Team Nameless player to join us and go for the goal. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/254 "2005-09-05T07:24:26Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > **Snakescatlady** , who runs for the goal and SCORES!! (I think) …and if not, **Enterprise** gives it another wham! for good measure, finally propelling the ball into the goal! ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/255 "2005-09-05T09:31:01Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > …and if not, **Enterprise** gives it another wham! for good measure, finally propelling the ball into the goal! **Sternvogel to Snakescatlady to Enterprise makes the score approximately 6-4.** Gosh, piano-playing lesbians, pierced nipples, Subarus made in Lafayette, it’s been a revealing evening. I spent the night at a hotel in Lafayette once. Does that add to the drama? Didn’t think so. Since I’m guessing I’m the only one on the playing field right now, I decide it’s time to practice my tennis. I pull out the ol’ racquet and practice against this nice wall between sips of coffee until… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/256 "2005-09-05T09:55:48Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **Sternvogel to Snakescatlady to Enterprise makes the score approximately 6-4.** > Gosh, piano-playing lesbians, pierced nipples, Subarus made in Lafayette, it’s been a revealing evening. I spent the night at a hotel in Lafayette once. Does that add to the drama? Didn’t think so. > > Since I’m guessing I’m the only one on the playing field right now, I decide it’s time to practice my tennis. I pull out the ol’ racquet and practice against this nice wall between sips of coffee until… …the ball is snatched by **Enterprise** , who digs a large hole and therein buries the ball, draws an approximate map on old parchment, rips it in twain and passes the half-pieces of map on to his heirs, in whose hands they are found by… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/257 "2005-09-05T09:56:28Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **Sternvogel to Snakescatlady to Enterprise makes the score approximately 6-4.** > Gosh, piano-playing lesbians, pierced nipples, Subarus made in Lafayette, it’s been a revealing evening. I spent the night at a hotel in Lafayette once. Does that add to the drama? Didn’t think so. > > Since I’m guessing I’m the only one on the playing field right now, I decide it’s time to practice my tennis. I pull out the ol’ racquet and practice against this nice wall between sips of coffee until… …until I turn up again out of the blue and steal the cup, rushing downfield with your entire supply of coffee in my possession. Gripped by immediate caffeine-withdrawal-induced berserk rage, you follow me downfield, which leaves the ball lying around on its own, just waiting for someone to pick it up. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/258 "2005-09-05T09:59:48Z")
Dammit! > [@Enterprise](#): > > …the ball is snatched by **Enterprise** , who digs a large hole and therein buries the ball, draws an approximate map on old parchment, rips it in twain and passes the half-pieces of map on to his heirs, in whose hands they are found by… **Priceguy** , who donned his Stilton, walked through booby-trapped tombs and beat up some Nazis to get hold of the map pieces. However, he accidentally puts one of the halves upside down when trying to put the map together, and so stands around in a state of utter confusion, trying to follow the old adage “When reality and the map disagree, the map takes precedence”. Who’ll help him out of his sad state? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/259 "2005-09-05T10:01:06Z")
Stilton = a kind of cheese. Stetson = a kind of hat. You guys figure out which I meant. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/260 "2005-09-05T12:43:29Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > Dammit! > **Priceguy** , who donned his Stilton, walked through booby-trapped tombs and beat up some Nazis to get hold of the map pieces. However, he accidentally puts one of the halves upside down when trying to put the map together, and so stands around in a state of utter confusion, trying to follow the old adage “When reality and the map disagree, the map takes precedence”. Who’ll help him out of his sad state? **twicks** – who’s not quite awake enough to understand why **Priceguy** has a big ol’ piece of cheese on his head – but is certainly awake enough to grab the ball and tie a string to it, making a giant kitty toy out of it. But hark! Is that a giant kitty, or is it… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=14)