# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/261 "2005-09-05T12:44:37Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > Stilton = a kind of cheese. > Stetson = a kind of hat. > > You guys figure out which I meant. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/262 "2005-09-05T13:48:40Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** – who’s not quite awake enough to understand why **Priceguy** has a big ol’ piece of cheese on his head – but is certainly awake enough to grab the ball and tie a string to it, making a giant kitty toy out of it. But hark! Is that a giant kitty, or is it… **gardentraveler** , who is on her way to the arts festival, so she grabs the ball by the string and proceeds to walk it down the street until… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/263 "2005-09-05T13:55:35Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** , who is on her way to the arts festival, so she grabs the ball by the string and proceeds to walk it down the street until… \*\*WhyNot \*\*reappears, suddenly realizing that the game has grown to six pages and so there must be actual players here now. \*\*WhyNot \*\*grabs the ball on a string and wraps it in Kevlar wicking before soaing it in lighter fluid,lighting it on fire and twirling it around her body in exciting arcs and swoops, trailing a five foot flame behind. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/264 "2005-09-05T13:58:46Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > \*\*WhyNot \*\*reappears, suddenly realizing that the game has grown to six pages and so there must be actual players here now. > > \*\*WhyNot \*\*grabs the ball on a string and wraps it in Kevlar wicking before soaing it in lighter fluid,lighting it on fire and twirling it around her body in exciting arcs and swoops, trailing a five foot flame behind. **Scott** , knowing that arrows work on kevlar, fires an arrow attached to a rope at it, snags it, and flings it in the direction of… ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/265 "2005-09-05T14:03:59Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > **Scott** , knowing that arrows work on kevlar, fires an arrow attached to a rope at it, snags it, and flings it in the direction of… **Marque Elf** who has just woken up and pants to rejoin the fray. Holding the ball over his head, he taunts the nameless “I’ve got the ball, I’ve got the ball” while looking for a teammate to pass it to when… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/266 "2005-09-05T14:20:58Z")
\*\*twicks]/b] grabs it. Shit! It’s still on fire! She dunks it in the vat of Mountain Dew, dousing the flames, but due to the Wundermaterial all Doperballs are made of, leaving it unscathed, so she dribbles it a few times, leaving wet “squooshy” marks on the sidewalk, before… ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/267 "2005-09-05T14:24:17Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > \*\*twicks]/b] grabs it. Shit! It’s still on fire! She dunks it in the vat of Mountain Dew, dousing the flames, but due to the Wundermaterial all Doperballs are made of, leaving it unscathed, so she dribbles it a few times, leaving wet “squooshy” marks on the sidewalk, before… …the ball bounces off of the side of my yawning face, as I shuffle onto the field after a late night of 2am posts (damn mt. dew). I rub my eyes and pick up the ball, tucking it under my arm as I wander off in search of breakfast and coffee. Slowly the synapses start firing, and in a rush of adrenaline, I realize I can score lurch toward the GOALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/268 "2005-09-05T15:09:29Z")
Excited by the upturn in our fortunes, **Marque Elf** gathers his teammates around him for a quick pep talk. Neglecting to ask for a time out, the ref starts the game by tossing the ball up into the air while the nameless team is the only one still on the field. Realizing his mistake, he breaks the huddle, which wasn’t going all that well any how, and runs towards the ball when… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/269 "2005-09-05T15:25:35Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > Excited by the upturn in our fortunes, **Marque Elf** gathers his teammates around him for a quick pep talk. Neglecting to ask for a time out, the ref starts the game by tossing the ball up into the air while the nameless team is the only one still on the field. Realizing his mistake, he breaks the huddle, which wasn’t going all that well any how, and runs towards the ball when… … **twicks** , following him out of the huddle, crashes straight into him. She grabs for the ball, but it squirts out of her hands (leaving a faint odor of Mountain Dew) and bounces off towards… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/270 "2005-09-05T15:30:36Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > … **twicks** , following him out of the huddle, crashes straight into him. She grabs for the ball, but it squirts out of her hands (leaving a faint odor of Mountain Dew) and bounces off towards… Me. I exchange it for a laptop. Somehow, through the process of bartering, it comes bacck into the hamds of\_\_\_\_, two years later. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/271 "2005-09-05T15:37:19Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Me. I exchange it for a laptop. Somehow, through the process of bartering, it comes bacck into the hamds of\_\_\_\_, two years later. Marque Elf who has spent the last 2 years living in a tent waition for either Godot or the ball, whichever showed up first. He’s been living off the charity of spectators and the rare groundskeeper. Mostly all he’s had to eat is chocolate cake and Mt Dew which means that he’s had to exercise fearsomely to avoid being mistaken for the ball and he’s lost all his teeth. ZHe takes the ball and looks for a teammate when… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/272 "2005-09-05T15:40:25Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > ZHe takes the ball and looks for a teammate when… … **twicks** , attracted by the unearthly greenish glow coming from the tent on the sidelines, peeks inside, finds the ball, and … ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/273 "2005-09-05T15:40:25Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > Marque Elf who has spent the last 2 years living in a tent waition for either Godot or the ball, whichever showed up first. He’s been living off the charity of spectators and the rare groundskeeper. Mostly all he’s had to eat is chocolate cake and Mt Dew which means that he’s had to exercise fearsomely to avoid being mistaken for the ball and he’s lost all his teeth. > > ZHe takes the ball and looks for a teammate when… Great og… my typing sucks. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/274 "2005-09-05T15:45:23Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > … **twicks** , attracted by the unearthly greenish glow coming from the tent on the sidelines, peeks inside, finds the ball, and … gets walked right over by Scott and a group of chefs, who have just finished irradiating enough of his burgers that no one ever need be burger less, and left to subside only on MD. In a crate of burgers there is the ball, which is picked up by… ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/275 "2005-09-05T15:48:47Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > … **twicks** , attracted by the unearthly greenish glow coming from the tent on the sidelines, peeks inside, finds the ball, and … **Marque Elf** who gratefully accepts the ball from **Twickster** and gives a big hug for staying faithful to the Hairy A’s for 2 years and runs the ball across the goal line 10 times as part of his new exercise regime. SCORE! ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/276 "2005-09-05T15:51:04Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > gets walked right over by Scott and a group of chefs, who have just finished irradiating enough of his burgers that no one ever need be burger less, and left to subside only on MD. In a crate of burgers there is the ball, which is picked up by… **Priceguy** , who has finally managed to get all the cheese out of his hair. Wondering what the score is, he throws the ball in a beautiful high arc… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/277 "2005-09-05T15:55:56Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > **Priceguy** , who has finally managed to get all the cheese out of his hair. Wondering what the score is, he throws the ball in a beautiful high arc… …into the waiting hands of **twicks** , who almost doesn’t recognize the fromage-free **Price Guy** , but is pretty sure he’s one of Those Who Have Not Been Named, so she swivels around and passes the ball to … ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/278 "2005-09-05T15:58:09Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > **Priceguy** , \Wondering what the score is, \ 6 them, 4 us. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/279 "2005-09-05T16:00:39Z")
To **Marque Elf** who politely thanks twickster for the ball and looks for a teammate to punt the poor, abused ball to and… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/280 "2005-09-05T16:17:05Z")
**marque elf** ’s pass is ignored by all except me, as they’re still pondering a cheese chapeaux in Doperball and researching the rule book to see if it’s a violation when not properly aged. Taking advantage of the distraction, displaying my best disinterested mosey, I’ll nudge the ball in the direction of… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=15)