# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/281 "2005-09-05T16:23:26Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > I’ll nudge the ball in the direction of… Mc Arther park, where it smashes into the side of a now soggy cake, on a park bench which has been left out in the rain for hours. Without cleaning it, I lob it towards… ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/282 "2005-09-05T16:35:47Z")
to **Marque Elf** who calls the ref over to speak to her about what the rule book has to say about playing with a dirty ball (not me, the game ball damn it!) While they’re consulting the rule book… ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/283 "2005-09-05T16:54:10Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > to **Marque Elf** who calls the ref over to speak to her about what the rule book has to say about playing with a dirty ball (not me, the game ball damn it!) > > While they’re consulting the rule book… **Strinka** grabs the ball, casts a magic spell on it, and turns it into a dragon! ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/284 "2005-09-05T17:11:53Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > **Strinka** grabs the ball, casts a magic spell on it, and turns it into a dragon! I’m not touching that thing. Cleric! ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/285 "2005-09-05T17:13:42Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > **Strinka** grabs the ball, casts a magic spell on it, and turns it into a dragon! :eek: That dragon looks hungry! Well then, I lead it in the direction of the goal, by means of throwing hmaburgers towards it, which it scarfs up. I then start to walk towards the goal, leading the dragon with me, and hope that someone from my teams has their eye’s open, and will take over for me in time to score a goal. ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/286 "2005-09-05T17:36:44Z")
Striking my best Dragonball Z anime pose of intimidating power, I scoop up the ball once Scott is doubled over in hysterical laughter. I put the ball in the car and take it with me on a trip to Target to buy a new computer desk, leaving it in the passenger seat where… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/287 "2005-09-05T17:47:57Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > Striking my best Dragonball Z anime pose of intimidating power, I scoop up the ball once Scott is doubled over in hysterical laughter. I put the ball in the car and take it with me on a trip to Target to buy a new computer desk, leaving it in the passenger seat where… it just sits there. Suddenly, [Kamehameha](http://www.americaslibrary.gov/cgi-bin/page.cgi/aa/kamehameh) appears in the back seat. The combined weight of the dragon/ball and this new addition causes the car to collapse onto its wheels, which separate and roll away. The dragon then readies to taketo the air, when without an explination, the king gets on his back. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/288 "2005-09-05T17:58:08Z")
Clarification: Team Without A Name has a 6-5 lead. **honeydewgrrl** drew her Apteryxs within a goal when she scored at 9:24 Indiana-except-for-the-portion-in-the-Cincinnati-metro-area time. **Scott Plaid** ’s interception at 10:45 preceded, and thus rendered void, **marque elf** ’s putative 10:48 tally. Assuming **Scott** managed to touch the dragon/ball at 12:47, I catch the beast in a vintage Frank Buck “Bring 'Em Back Alive” trap, and charge admission to see the creature. First to pony up the dough is… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/289 "2005-09-05T18:14:00Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Assuming **Scott** managed to touch the dragon/ball at 12:47, I catch the beast in a vintage Frank Buck “Bring 'Em Back Alive” trap, and charge admission to see the creature. First to pony up the dough is… **Priceguy** , who not only sees it, but teaches it French, simple carpentry and the lost art of the jitterbug. In eternal gratitude, the dragon agrees to turn into a bullet, for no particular reason except that **Priceguy** thinks it looks really cool to raise his .45 loaded with the ball-cum-dragon-cum-bullet, fire at the goal and SCORE WITH A BANG! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/290 "2005-09-05T18:29:13Z")
Okay, we’re now up 7-5. I retrieve the bullet, drop it into the melting ice that’s left in my glass (which held Mountain Dew until I drank it up), and watch the bullet expand into a golf-ball-sized sphere, which I dump out of the glass, tee up at the Lafayette Country Club, and drive onto the green, where it’s found by… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/291 "2005-09-05T18:30:10Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > **Priceguy** , who not only sees it, but teaches it French, simple carpentry and the lost art of the jitterbug. In eternal gratitude, the dragon agrees to turn into a bullet, for no particular reason except that **Priceguy** thinks it looks really cool to raise his .45 loaded with the ball-cum-dragon-cum-bullet, fire at the goal and SCORE WITH A BANG! Without waiting for the new score to be tallied, **Enterprise** grabs the re-released ball and hollers a passing FedEx van, sending it via Express to… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/292 "2005-09-05T18:32:12Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Okay, we’re now up 7-5. I retrieve the bullet, drop it into the melting ice that’s left in my glass (which held Mountain Dew until I drank it up), and watch the bullet expand into a golf-ball-sized sphere, which I dump out of the glass, tee up at the Lafayette Country Club, and drive onto the green, where it’s found by… _grmbl_ … **Enterprise** , who belatedly realizes he has mailed off the wrong ball and now frantically searches for the ball on the green. Finally finding it, he tosses it over a hedge, not knowing that behind that hedge… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/293 "2005-09-05T18:32:38Z")
**Scott, who deosn’t give a damn which of the two people on his team gave him the ball. Along the way, I start to taunt the ball, then I realize that it is a happy-fun-ball. Uh oh…** ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/294 "2005-09-05T18:37:43Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > **Scott, who deosn’t give a damn which of the two people on his team gave him the ball. Along the way, I start to taunt the ball, then I realize that it is a happy-fun-ball. Uh oh…** …better off it before it bad things happen. **Enterprise** therefore gracefully (carefully looking if anybody seems to have reached the ball before him) places the ball on a silver platter and serves it into the goal. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/295 "2005-09-05T18:39:05Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > **Scott, who deosn’t give a damn which of the two people on his team gave him the ball. Along the way, I start to taunt the ball, then I realize that it is a happy-fun-ball. Uh oh…** … **twicks** , who’s above all this juvenile hoo-ha, scoops up the ball, gives it a good talking to, and returns it to its original form. She then clambers into the howdah of a passing elephant, and heads back to Cecil Stadium, where… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/296 "2005-09-05T18:45:10Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > … **twicks** , who’s above all this juvenile hoo-ha, scoops up the ball, gives it a good talking to, and returns it to its original form. She then clambers into the howdah of a passing elephant, and heads back to Cecil Stadium, where… I greab it, remind **Enterprise** that he can’t touch the ball twice on one possession, but hope he can now extract it from the pachyderm’s trunk. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/297 "2005-09-05T18:48:09Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > I greab it, remind **Enterprise** that he can’t touch the ball twice on one possession, but hope he can now extract it from the pachyderm’s trunk. Yep, I know … **ScottPlaid** grabbed it before me in that simulpost, I didn’t touch it until after him. So it was **Sternvogel** , **ScottPlaid** and then me, by my reckoning. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/298 "2005-09-05T18:50:55Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > I greab it, remind **Enterprise** that he can’t touch the ball twice on one possession, but hope he can now extract it from the pachyderm’s trunk. But just in case he missed something, **Enterprise** seeks out the passing elephant, frantically searching for its trunk, until he realizes that the funny little nose thingy at the front is meant. Reaching in, he extracts the ball and a kilo’s worth of elephant mucus. Before he can throw the dripping ball, it slips his fingers, only to land… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/299 "2005-09-05T19:02:45Z")
Here’s how I see it: I put the ball into play in post #290. #291 was a simulpost, which **Enterprise** corrected by using #292 to receive the ball from me in #292. In #293, **Scott Plaid** had a chance to score, but either didn’t realize it or chose to go for multiple points on the possession. So #294 represents a second (and thus illegal) **Enterprise** contact, and #295 is a valid **twickster** steal. I reclaimed the ball in #296, so #298 describes a legitimate **Enterprise** touch, and one of our teammates can now go for a score. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/300 "2005-09-05T19:07:34Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Here’s how I see it: > > I put the ball into play in post #290. > > #291 was a simulpost, which **Enterprise** corrected by using #292 to receive the ball from me in #292. > > In #293, **Scott Plaid** had a chance to score, but either didn’t realize it or chose to go for multiple points on the possession. > > So #294 represents a second (and thus illegal) **Enterprise** contact, and #295 is a valid **twickster** steal. I reclaimed the ball in #296, so #298 describes a legitimate **Enterprise** touch, and one of our teammates can now go for a score. I can redeem myself?! She shoots! She did I score\> [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=16)