# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/301 "2005-09-05T19:15:31Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I can redeem myself?! She shoots! She did I score\> Yup, you scored. **grumble grumble grumble** And **twicks** comes thundering onto the playing field, still atop the elephant, and gives the ball a mighty _thwack_ with her special long-handled polo mallet! C’mon, Hairy A’s! Where are you? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/302 "2005-09-05T19:16:52Z")
Team 1 (Hairy A’s): A B C F G H I M N O T U Y Team 2 (They Who Have Not Been Named): D E J K L P Q R S V W X Z ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/303 "2005-09-05T19:18:32Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Yup, you scored. **grumble grumble grumble** > > And **twicks** comes thundering onto the playing field, still atop the elephant, and gives the ball a mighty _thwack_ with her special long-handled polo mallet! C’mon, Hairy A’s! Where are you? **Snakescatlady** catches the ball with her midsection and sits down abruptly on the field, while the ball bounces away into the grasp of… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/304 "2005-09-05T19:20:15Z")
**Snakescatlady** , I’ll take that pass and toss the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/305 "2005-09-05T19:25:41Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Snakescatlady** , I’ll take that pass and toss the ball to… me, who spins his arm like it is a rotor , and pitches the ball towards the goal! When do games end, again? ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/306 "2005-09-05T19:30:05Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > When do games end, again? Since we’re up by a 9-5 count and the object is to score eleven goals, we need only two more points. I’ll put the ball in play by dropping it into the garbage bin outside my apartment, where it is found by… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/307 "2005-09-05T19:38:08Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Since we’re up by a 9-5 count and the object is to score eleven goals, we need only two more points. I’ll put the ball in play by dropping it into the garbage bin outside my apartment, where it is found by… … **Feydeau** , in a surprise attack on the garbage. Licking the good parts of the ball (okay, eww.), he passes it quickly to… ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/308 "2005-09-05T19:53:48Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > … **Feydeau** , in a surprise attack on the garbage. > > Licking the good parts of the ball (okay, eww.), he passes it quickly to… **Marque Elf** , who will suffer almost any indignity for his beloved Hairy A’s. He looks for **Twickster** in the throng and throws it as far as he can, garbage spiralling off the flying ball and… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/309 "2005-09-05T19:59:30Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > **Marque Elf** , who will suffer almost any indignity for his beloved Hairy A’s. He looks for **Twickster** in the throng and throws it as far as he can, garbage spiralling off the flying ball and… **Sternvogel** , who originally read the line as “looks for **twickster** in the thong”, picks off the pass. He hurriedly flips to… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/310 "2005-09-05T20:14:55Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who originally read the line as “looks for **twickster** in the thong”, picks off the pass. He hurriedly flips to… … **Enterprise** , who is still on the lookout for any kind of thong and is consequently hit by the ball on the head, from where it bounces to… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/311 "2005-09-05T20:15:58Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** , who is still on the lookout for any kind of thong and is consequently hit by the ball on the head, from where it bounces to… The Goal! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/312 "2005-09-05T20:26:46Z")
Okay, we’re up 10-5, so this is GAME POINT! I bring in a big bowl of pasta salad, and kick the ball away. It is taken by… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/313 "2005-09-05T20:29:46Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Okay, we’re up 10-5, so this is GAME POINT! I bring in a big bowl of pasta salad, and kick the ball away. It is taken by… … **Feydeau** , who passes it onto… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/314 "2005-09-05T20:41:11Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > … **Feydeau** , who passes it onto… … **Enterprise** , fiendishly cleverly camouflaged as a Hairy A. Tossing off the hairy cloth, **Enterprise** gentlemanly hands the ball off to… ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/315 "2005-09-05T20:44:44Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** , fiendishly cleverly camouflaged as a Hairy A. Tossing off the hairy cloth, **Enterprise** gentlemanly hands the ball off to… **Marque Elf** , who thanks him politely, and tries to make the cry of the Hairy Apteryx, and realizes he has no idea what one sounded like…and ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/316 "2005-09-05T20:44:52Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** , fiendishly cleverly camouflaged as a Hairy A. Tossing off the hairy cloth, **Enterprise** gentlemanly hands the ball off to… … **Feydeau** , who isn’t gonna be fooled that easily again, mind you. Running around trying to get the popcorn out of his hair, he passes it to… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/317 "2005-09-05T20:46:03Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > **Marque Elf** , who thanks him politely, and tries to make the cry of the Hairy Apteryx, and realizes he has no idea what one sounded like…and … **Feydeau** grabs it from behind :dubious: and rushes downfield where… (dagnabit simulposts) ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/318 "2005-09-05T20:46:31Z")
**Feydeau** loses possession to **Sternvogel** , whose perfect baseball pass downcourt is caught on the bounce by… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/319 "2005-09-05T20:49:15Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Feydeau** loses possession to **Sternvogel** , whose perfect baseball pass downcourt is caught on the bounce by… **Feydeau** who is just quick enough to grab it and pass to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/320 "2005-09-05T20:55:41Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** who is just quick enough to grab it and pass to… **Sternvogel** , who wonders why he and **Feydeau** seem locked in a one-on-one. I flip the ball into a crowd of picnickers, where… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=17)