# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/421 "2005-09-06T20:22:52Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > How’d I get on this bus? **Feydeau** recognizes the cat and promptly exits the bus with the cat, arriving in downtown Tokyo, where… … **Enterprise** barely saves the cat from a rampaging Gozilla! With no time to spare to look out for **Feydeau** , he hides the poor little DoperCat in a local baseball stadium, where… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/422 "2005-09-06T20:27:32Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** barely saves the cat from a rampaging Gozilla! With no time to spare to look out for **Feydeau** , he hides the poor little DoperCat in a local baseball stadium, where… **Sternvogel** finds it wandering down the left-field line, jumps from the stands onto the field, and (pursued by cops yelling "Stop, _gaijin_!) runs out an exit and sees the cat board a bullet train. ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/423 "2005-09-06T20:34:38Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** finds it wandering down the left-field line, jumps from the stands onto the field, and (pursued by cops yelling "Stop, _gaijin_!) runs out an exit and sees the cat board a bullet train. Popping onto the bullet train in a clever disguise, **Feydeau** picks up the cat, gives it a bowl of milk, and hops off the train in Hong Kong, where… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/424 "2005-09-06T20:38:24Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > Popping onto the bullet train in a clever disguise, **Feydeau** picks up the cat, gives it a bowl of milk, and hops off the train in Hong Kong, where… **Sternvogel** , wondering just how he missed all the stories about the construction of the tunnel from Honshu to Kowloon, puts the cat on a water taxi that’s being piloted by… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/425 "2005-09-06T20:40:23Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Sternvogel, wondering just how he missed all the stories about the construction of the tunnel from Honshu to Kowloon, puts the cat on a water taxi that’s being piloted by… … **Enterprise** , having flown in from Tokyo, also momentarily puzzled about the precise route that bullet train might have taken, but now pointing his water taxi out towards the South China Sea, where… ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/426 "2005-09-06T20:42:01Z")
**Marque Elf** , disguised as a chef of a certain unspecified ethnicity catches it in one hand while whetting a knife he is holding againsta leather strop on his belt and… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/427 "2005-09-06T20:43:46Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** , having flown in from Tokyo, also momentarily puzzled about the precise route that bullet train might have taken, but now pointing his water taxi out towards the South China Sea, where… … **Feydeau** again grabs the cat (you did have the cat, didn’t you?) and hops onto a waiting airplane (seaplane? hydroplane? I’m so confuzzled now) heading to the States when… \ Forgive me, my geography, she no good… \ ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/428 "2005-09-06T20:44:56Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > **Marque Elf** , disguised as a chef of a certain unspecified ethnicity catches it in one hand while whetting a knife he is holding againsta leather strop on his belt and… I submit that this isn’t legal 'cuz you didn’t mention who you grabbed it from, but you can grab it from me, if you hurry! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/429 "2005-09-06T20:47:27Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > I submit that this isn’t legal 'cuz you didn’t mention who you grabbed it from, but you can grab it from me, if you hurry! I’ll take that cat, thank you very much! **Enterprise** , you out there? ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/430 "2005-09-06T20:50:49Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > I’ll take that cat, thank you very much! **Enterprise** , you out there? For the first time in my life, I find myself very eager for pussy. I grab the damned cat, and pass it to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/431 "2005-09-06T20:56:47Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > I grab the damned cat, and pass it to… Me, now wondering if any of my teammates are still participating. Ah, here comes somebody! Why, it’s… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/432 "2005-09-06T20:58:51Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Me, now wondering if any of my teammates are still participating. Ah, here comes somebody! Why, it’s… … **Enterprise**! He takes the cat and puts a leash on it and ties the leash to a tree and places a fence around the tree, only to find… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/433 "2005-09-06T21:01:17Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise**! He takes the cat and puts a leash on it and ties the leash to a tree and places a fence around the tree, only to find… **Feydeau** happily working and petting the cat. Yes, inside the fence. I’m too quick for you, aren’t I? And you two shouldn’t be bitching about lack of teammates. I seem to be the only Hairy One around these last several minutes. Anyway, while I wasn’t looking, the cat was picked up by… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/434 "2005-09-06T21:05:07Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** happily working and petting the cat. Yes, inside the fence. I’m too quick for you, aren’t I? > > And you two shouldn’t be bitching about lack of teammates. I seem to be the only Hairy One around these last several minutes. Anyway, while I wasn’t looking, the cat was picked up by… **Sternvogel** , who wonders why **snakescatlady** isn’t in these ailurophilic portion of the thread as he takes the cat to a shelter, where it’s adopted by… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/435 "2005-09-06T21:07:23Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who wonders why **snakescatlady** isn’t in these ailurophilic portion of the thread as he takes the cat to a shelter, where it’s adopted by… **Enterprise** , who was just trying to find a dictionary to explain the meaning of “ailurophilic” to him, but confused cat shelter and library, as is QUITE COMMON, I tells ya! Anyway, having adopted the cat, he does what everybody should do with their felines: he takes it to a ball game, where… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/436 "2005-09-06T21:08:44Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > **Enterprise** , who was just trying to find a dictionary to explain the meaning of “ailurophilic” to him, but confused cat shelter and library, as is QUITE COMMON, I tells ya! Anyway, having adopted the cat, he does what everybody should do with their felines: he takes it to a ball game, where… **Feydeau** grabs the cat and lobs it waaaay out into the outfield, where it is picked up by… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/437 "2005-09-06T21:16:25Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** grabs the cat and lobs it waaaay out into the outfield, where it is picked up by… **Sternvogel** , who’s already been chased off one diamond today but happened to be throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at this particular ballpark. I deposit the cat in the back of the bullpen car, which is being driven by… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/438 "2005-09-06T21:17:50Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** grabs the cat and lobs it waaaay out into the outfield, where it is picked up by… **twicks** , who’s trying to keep an eye on the game, honest. As an aeilo-- ailu – catlover, she calms down the scratching, biting spawn of Satan and it’s a relatively safe move to pass it to … ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/439 "2005-09-06T21:19:10Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who’s already been chased off one diamond today but happened to be throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at this particular ballpark. I deposit the cat in the back of the bullpen car, which is being driven by… **twicks** , dammit, who manages a spectacular parallel parking feat outside the Guggenheim Museum, which she and the cat enter, only to find… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/440 "2005-09-06T21:21:00Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , dammit, who manages a spectacular parallel parking feat outside the Guggenheim Museum, which she and the cat enter, only to find… …the Guggenheim does not condone cats, dogs, or lemurs on its premises. Cat and **Enterprise** are consequently taken back to the stray animal pound, from where they are freed by… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=23)