# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 27
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/521 "2005-09-07T06:21:51Z")
**Sternvogel** ’s pass is caught by me, and only Og knows why I’m still awake at this hour, perhaps it’s the latent lemur in me-they’re nocturnal, no? In any event, this tired critter kicks the ball in the direction of his bedroom door, and hangs a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the knob before become horizontal and enjoying snoritude. :tired-ass smiley: ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/522 "2005-09-07T07:21:11Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > **Sternvogel** ’s pass is caught by me, and only Og knows why I’m still awake at this hour, perhaps it’s the latent lemur in me-they’re nocturnal, no? In any event, this tired critter kicks the ball in the direction of his bedroom door, and hangs a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the knob before become horizontal and enjoying snoritude. :tired-ass smiley: **Feydeau** sneaks up on **danceswithcats** , tries not to wake him, but grabs the ball and heads downfield, where… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/523 "2005-09-07T08:45:15Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** sneaks up on **danceswithcats** , tries not to wake him, but grabs the ball and heads downfield, where… … **Enterprise** sits idly, waiting to be called in to report to his boss. As the call comes to enter, he flings the ball in a tremendous, three-yard throw to… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/524 "2005-09-07T11:20:33Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** sits idly, waiting to be called in to report to his boss. As the call comes to enter, he flings the ball in a tremendous, three-yard throw to… **gardentraveler** , who runs to the bus stop with the ball, boards the bus and… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/525 "2005-09-07T11:57:27Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** , who runs to the bus stop with the ball, boards the bus and… …hands the ball off to **twicks** , who’s thinking that now those freakin’ lemurs have all gone to bed we might have a shot at pulling up our score a bit. After wiping the albatross dribble off the ball, she lobs it gently to… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/526 "2005-09-07T12:00:24Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > …hands the ball off to **twicks** , who’s thinking that now those freakin’ lemurs have all gone to bed we might have a shot at pulling up our score a bit. After wiping the albatross dribble off the ball, she lobs it gently to… … **Priceguy** , who is a bit miffed that he didn’t get any of that tasty albatross dribble, and randomly tosses the ball away in disgust. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/527 "2005-09-07T12:38:50Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > … **Priceguy** , who is a bit miffed that he didn’t get any of that tasty albatross dribble, and randomly tosses the ball away in disgust. Scott, who logged off to get some actual work done, dips the ball in a vat of albatross droll, really liberaly smearing in on, and tosses it in the direction of the refreshments table. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/528 "2005-09-07T13:17:43Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Scott, who logged off to get some actual work done, dips the ball in a vat of albatross droll, really liberaly smearing in on, and tosses it in the direction of the refreshments table. Eww! **twicks** touches it, but hopes another Hairy A will be along to, yanno, actually pick it up and get it back in play. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/529 "2005-09-07T13:47:12Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Eww! **twicks** touches it, but hopes another Hairy A will be along to, yanno, actually pick it up and get it back in play. **Marque Elf** yells at **Twicks** that he’s not touching that thing with his hands and backheels in the direction of what he hopes is another Hairy A near his team’s goal when… ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/530 "2005-09-07T13:54:50Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > **Marque Elf** yells at **Twicks** that he’s not touching that thing with his hands and backheels in the direction of what he hopes is another Hairy A near his team’s goal when… … **Priceguy** interferes yet again, savouring that lovely avian saliva. Having leisurely finished this improvised brunch, he falls asleep on top of the ball. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/531 "2005-09-07T14:03:36Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > … **Priceguy** interferes yet again, savouring that lovely avian saliva. Having leisurely finished this improvised brunch, he falls asleep on top of the ball. Luckily, his T-shirt absorbs all the drool, so when **twicks** kicks the ball out from under him – without waking him! what finesse – it’s once again something people who aren’t icky lemurian types are willing to touch. Meanwhile, at the other end of the arc of the booted ball is … ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/532 "2005-09-07T15:39:56Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Luckily, his T-shirt absorbs all the drool, so when **twicks** kicks the ball out from under him – without waking him! what finesse – it’s once again something people who aren’t icky lemurian types are willing to touch. Meanwhile, at the other end of the arc of the booted ball is … **Sternvogel** , who is relieved to see that the gap hasn’t narrowed while he slept, ate breakfast, washed the dishes, and got caught up on the thread. Hoping that the action will pick up, he places the ball in a basket, places it on the steps of Lafayette’s Cathedral of St. Mary (hardly comparable to Chartres or St. Basil’s, but a legitimate Catholic cathedral just the same), and hopes the “foundling” will be “adopted” by a Lemur. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/533 "2005-09-07T16:35:19Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who is relieved to see that the gap hasn’t narrowed while he slept, ate breakfast, washed the dishes, and got caught up on the thread. Hoping that the action will pick up, he places the ball in a basket, places it on the steps of Lafayette’s Cathedral of St. Mary (hardly comparable to Chartres or St. Basil’s, but a legitimate Catholic cathedral just the same), and hopes the “foundling” will be “adopted” by a Lemur. **Enterprise** , having just returned from work, considers it his duty to duly adopt the poor little ball. He tucks him safely into bed at home. But next morning… ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/534 "2005-09-07T17:04:35Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > **Enterprise** , having just returned from work, considers it his duty to duly adopt the poor little ball. He tucks him safely into bed at home. But next morning… Ronin looks up while in class, hearing the beds wailing cry as it feels neglected in the bed. He leaps up, startling his professor as he sprints from the room to fetch the poor unloved Doper ball. He grabs it from the bed and drop kicks it out the window, off the neighbor’s roof, over the power lines, down the interstate, through the tunnel, finally landing in the back of someone’s pickup truck. That someone ends up being… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/535 "2005-09-07T17:15:48Z")
> [@ronincyberpunk](#): > > Ronin looks up while in class, hearing the beds wailing cry as it feels neglected in the bed. He leaps up, startling his professor as he sprints from the room to fetch the poor unloved Doper ball. He grabs it from the bed and drop kicks it out the window, off the neighbor’s roof, over the power lines, down the interstate, through the tunnel, finally landing in the back of someone’s pickup truck. That someone ends up being… **twicks** , who’s astonished to find herself in such a big vehicle. Grabbing the ball she ditches the pickup for her gas-friendly econobox, and vrooms off toward the St. Louis Arch, where… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/536 "2005-09-07T17:20:23Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , who’s astonished to find herself in such a big vehicle. Grabbing the ball she ditches the pickup for her gas-friendly econobox, and vrooms off toward the St. Louis Arch, where… … **Enterprise** is waiting, danglling in the middle of the arch hoping to snag the ball, belatedly recognizing that they’ve built the bloody arch somewhere out in the prairie, not crossing the interstate as they should’ve. He therefore shoots **twickster**'s tires and runs to the stranded vehicle to grab the ball, leaving a couple of bucks for repairs to the cute little car. Meanwhile in St. Louis, he boards a real Mississippi sidewheeler bound south… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/537 "2005-09-07T17:41:23Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** is waiting, danglling in the middle of the arch hoping to snag the ball, belatedly recognizing that they’ve built the bloody arch somewhere out in the prairie, not crossing the interstate as they should’ve. He therefore shoots **twickster**'s tires and runs to the stranded vehicle to grab the ball, leaving a couple of bucks for repairs to the cute little car. Meanwhile in St. Louis, he boards a real Mississippi sidewheeler bound south… …where **Feydeau** grabs the ball, tucks it into the folds of his Trusty Trench Coat, hops off the sidewheeler (whatever _that_ is), and feverishly catches a train bound for New York. On the way… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/538 "2005-09-07T17:50:53Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > …where **Feydeau** grabs the ball, tucks it into the folds of his Trusty Trench Coat, hops off the sidewheeler (whatever _that_ is), and feverishly catches a train bound for New York. On the way… **twicks** , in a trench coat of her own, comes up and whispers something in a very strange Russian accent. The handoff occurs without a hitch, and she disappears down the corridor, only to encounter… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/539 "2005-09-07T17:58:39Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , in a trench coat of her own, comes up and whispers something in a very strange Russian accent. The handoff occurs without a hitch, and she disappears down the corridor, only to encounter… **Sternvogel** , who isn’t sure what he’s doing in New York nor how he got here, but is sure that the ball he’s placing in a subway car will be claimed at the next stop. As the train screeches to a halt in Harlem, it is boarded by… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/540 "2005-09-07T17:59:54Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , in a trench coat of her own, comes up and whispers something in a very strange Russian accent. The handoff occurs without a hitch, and she disappears down the corridor, only to encounter… … **Enterprise** , wielding [this picture](http://www.paulgarnett.com/Memphis/Memphis.jpg) of a Mississippi sidewheeler for **Feydeau’s** benefit. He pretends to be a fellow agent and is handed the ball, which he turns over to his assistant. Said assisstant, whoever, turns out to be… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=26) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=28)