# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 28
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/541 "2005-09-07T18:06:34Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who isn’t sure what he’s doing in New York nor how he got here, but is sure that the ball he’s placing in a subway car will be claimed at the next stop. As the train screeches to a halt in Harlem, it is boarded by… Ronin hops down to the Subway in Harlem, slipping into the seat next to the ball he cuddles up close and begins whispering sweet nothings in its ear. The view of a 6’5" white dude talking to a ball keeps any would be thugs at bay. He hops off at the next stop and engages his jet pack to begin the long flight down to Mexico. Sadly he forgot to convert gallons to liters and ended up being short on fuel, touching down somewhere in Tennessee. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/542 "2005-09-07T18:07:25Z")
Can I just claim I replied to **Sternvogel**? _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/543 "2005-09-07T18:09:27Z")
> [@ronincyberpunk](#): > > Ronin hops down to the Subway in Harlem, slipping into the seat next to the ball he cuddles up close and begins whispering sweet nothings in its ear. The view of a 6’5" white dude talking to a ball keeps any would be thugs at bay. He hops off at the next stop and engages his jet pack to begin the long flight down to Mexico. Sadly he forgot to convert gallons to liters and ended up being short on fuel, touching down somewhere in Tennessee. Somewhere in Tennessee, yes, right by the Tennessee river, whereon **Enterprise’s** sidewheeler, fresh from St. Louis, takes aboard the ball. Sadly, out of wood to fuel the boilers, **Enterprise** is obliged to put the ball into the fire. It doesn’t burn, but is propelled out of the smokestacks, high, higher, highest until it comes down… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/544 "2005-09-07T18:11:27Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > Can I just claim I replied to **Sternvogel**? _sigh_ What-evah – 'cause **twicks** regains possession for the Hairy A’s, and hops on a helicopter leaving from the top of Trump Tower and headed for the Hamptons. Touching down in Jerry Seinfeld’s backyard, she finds… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/545 "2005-09-07T18:15:31Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > What-evah – 'cause **twicks** regains possession for the Hairy A’s, and hops on a helicopter leaving from the top of Trump Tower and headed for the Hamptons. Touching down in Jerry Seinfeld’s backyard, she finds… **Feydeau** lunching with the stars. The ball finds its own way into the cheese dip, where it is retrieved by… Oh, and **Enterprise** , in school I was taught that’s called a riverboat. Do you refer to your toilet as a commode? ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/546 "2005-09-07T18:23:10Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** lunching with the stars. The ball finds its own way into the cheese dip, where it is retrieved by… **Sternvogel** , who points out that a sidewheeler is one type of riverboat, and that another is (ironically) a sternwheeler. He’d look for a pic to link, but wants to get this post done in a timely manner, so he passes to… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/547 "2005-09-07T18:27:49Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who points out that a sidewheeler is one type of riverboat, and that another is (ironically) a sternwheeler. He’d look for a pic to link, but wants to get this post done in a timely manner, so he passes to… **Feydeau** , who is contentedly licking all the cheese dip from the ball. Afterwards, passing it (dry) to… Details? We don’t need to stinkin’ _riverboat_ details!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/548 "2005-09-07T18:33:23Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , who is contentedly licking all the cheese dip from the ball. Afterwards, passing it (dry) to… **twicks** , who prefers not to think about the various drool, cheese, etc., that the ball has passed through in the last few hours, squeamish girly type that she is. She fastidiously picks up the ball and places it on the tray of a passing waiter; he delivers it to … ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/549 "2005-09-07T18:34:19Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , who is contentedly licking all the cheese dip from the ball. Afterwards, passing it (dry) to… **Sternvogel** , whose experience with riverboats is limited to the ones he’s ridden at amusement parks. He hops aboard the paddlewheeler at Ohio’s Cedar Point. In the “Indian village” along the bank, he spots… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/550 "2005-09-07T18:35:37Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , who prefers not to think about the various drool, cheese, etc., that the ball has passed through in the last few hours, squeamish girly type that she is. She fastidiously picks up the ball and places it on the tray of a passing waiter; he delivers it to … **Sternvogel** , whose experience with riverboats is limited to the ones he’s ridden at amusement parks. He hops aboard the paddlewheeler at Ohio’s Cedar Point. In the “Indian village” along the bank, he spots… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/551 "2005-09-07T18:37:44Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , whose experience with riverboats is limited to the ones he’s ridden at amusement parks. He hops aboard the paddlewheeler at Ohio’s Cedar Point. In the “Indian village” along the bank, he spots… … **Enterprise** , honorary chief of the Laughing Lemur branch of the Cherokee tribe. In a impressive ceremony, the ball is dedicated to… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/552 "2005-09-07T18:37:57Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , whose experience with riverboats is limited to the ones he’s ridden at amusement parks. He hops aboard the paddlewheeler at Ohio’s Cedar Point. In the “Indian village” along the bank, he spots… **Feydeau** , who is markedly confused about suddenly being in Ohio, of all places. Grabbing the ball and running post-haste toward New York… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/553 "2005-09-07T18:39:04Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** , honorary chief of the Laughing Lemur branch of the Cherokee tribe. In a impressive ceremony, the ball is dedicated to… **Feydeau** , now known as Cheif Biggums. Passing the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/554 "2005-09-07T18:39:42Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Team 1 (Hairy A’s): A B C F G H I M N O T U Y > Team 2 (Larruping Lemurs): D E J K L P Q R S V W X Z Just to keep our heads up…I blew a play because I didn’t realize R was on our team… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/555 "2005-09-07T18:40:13Z")
Team 1 (Hairy A’s): A B C F G H I M N O T U Y Team 2 (Larruping Lemurs): D E J K L P Q R S V W X Z ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/556 "2005-09-07T18:40:33Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , now known as Cheif Biggums. Passing the ball to… **twicks** , a.k.a. Princess Passionflower, who jumps into her canoe and paddles off, hotly pursued by … ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/557 "2005-09-07T18:42:15Z")
**Sternvogel** catches up to Princess Passionflower, does his best (which is to say execrable) Nelson Eddy impression, and steals the ball from **twickster**. ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/558 "2005-09-07T18:42:21Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , a.k.a. Princess Passionflower, who jumps into her canoe and paddles off, hotly pursued by … … **Enterprise** , apologizing to **Feydeau** for the repeat simulposts. He thwacks **Princess Passionflower** with a paddle and sees the ball fall from her hands into the depths of the Ohio River, where it is found (ages later) by… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/559 "2005-09-07T18:43:53Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** catches up to Princess Passionflower, does his best (which is to say execrable) Nelson Eddy impression, and steals the ball from **twickster**. _grmbl again_…anyway, **Sternvogel** seeming unwilling to part with the ball, **Enterprise** , still in whacking mood, whacks his teammate and gleefully hops up and down their canoe, now dumping the ball into the river afterall… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/560 "2005-09-07T18:48:24Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > _grmbl again_…anyway, **Sternvogel** seeming unwilling to part with the ball, **Enterprise** , still in whacking mood, whacks his teammate and gleefully hops up and down their canoe, now dumping the ball into the river afterall… … but Princess Passionflower (er, **twicks** ), who’s apparently now channeling Esther Williams, swims up in a dainty breast stroke (heh. she said “breast.”) and retrieves the ball, balancing it on her nose. Imagine her astonishment when … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=27) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=29)