# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 32
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/621 "2005-09-07T22:17:58Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **Score 1-0** for the **Odds** , yeehaw!!! Slightly disoriented by the new configuration of teams, **gardentraveler** attempts to return a certain formality to the game, takes the ball to the center line and athletically kicks the ball into play (I’m odd, I’m odd, I’m odd…by syllable-count only thanks)… **Sternvogel** , now your teammate (see, that “el”-'l" sound should be considered a syllable for **honeydewgrrl** just as it is for us) receives the kick and, since this isn’t soccer, picks up the ball and bowls it down an impromptu lane, where it knocks down ten pins and is retrieved by… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/622 "2005-09-07T22:22:17Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , now your teammate (see, that “el”-'l" sound should be considered a syllable for **honeydewgrrl** just as it is for us) receives the kick and, since this isn’t soccer, picks up the ball and bowls it down an impromptu lane, where it knocks down ten pins and is retrieved by… Scott, who tries to use a duckpin like it is a Cricket bat. The ball whooshes overhead. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/623 "2005-09-07T22:30:12Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Scott, who tries to use a duckpin like it is a Cricket bat. The ball whooshes overhead. It comes down to me, and I start the possession by drop-kicking like a 1930’s football player. The ball hits a goalpost and bounces to… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/624 "2005-09-07T22:34:11Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > It comes down to me, and I start the possession by drop-kicking like a 1930’s football player. The ball hits a goalpost and bounces to… **gardentraveler** , who also attempts the drop-kick concept and unfortunately hits… ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/625 "2005-09-07T22:50:02Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** , who also attempts the drop-kick concept and unfortunately hits… … **Hal** , who tumbles end-over-end, staggers to his feet, and immediately trips over the doperball. Fortunately, the ball gets nudged into the goal for the score!! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2005, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/626 "2005-09-07T22:53:16Z")
With his team now enjoying a 2-0 lead, **Sternvogel** postpones heating up his leftover chicken, rice, and zucchini from lunch long enough to put the ball in play. He serves it like a volleyball, and it is received by… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/627 "2005-09-08T00:24:35Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > With his team now enjoying a 2-0 lead, **Sternvogel** postpones heating up his leftover chicken, rice, and zucchini from lunch long enough to put the ball in play. He serves it like a volleyball, and it is received by… **gardentraveler** , who, by the way, agrees that **honeydewgrrl** contains 5 syllables - maybe it’s a midwestern thing? Anyhoo, I am pathologically afraid of volleyball and decide that the Doperball could assist me with my housecleaning. It becomes an electric cart that allows me to collect misplaced objects and redistribute them appropriately. I’m so fascinated by this productivity enhancer that… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/628 "2005-09-08T00:37:31Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** , who, by the way, agrees that **honeydewgrrl** contains 5 syllables - maybe it’s a midwestern thing? Anyhoo, I am pathologically afraid of volleyball and decide that the Doperball could assist me with my housecleaning. It becomes an electric cart that allows me to collect misplaced objects and redistribute them appropriately. I’m so fascinated by this productivity enhancer that… …you don’t even notice when **twickster** returns and snags the ball for the evens. She knocks off the mismatched socks and rolls it toward centerfield, where… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/629 "2005-09-08T00:49:09Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > …you don’t even notice when **twickster** returns and snags the ball for the evens. She knocks off the mismatched socks and rolls it toward centerfield, where… **gardentrveler** runs rapidly after you to reclaim the cart so that she can finish picking up. Also, one of my socks is still stuck to that thing… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/630 "2005-09-08T01:34:06Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentrveler** runs rapidly after you to reclaim the cart so that she can finish picking up. Also, one of my socks is still stuck to that thing… **Sternvogel** takes the ball and looks for a third odd-syllabled player who can put it in for the score… ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/631 "2005-09-08T01:49:04Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** takes the ball and looks for a third odd-syllabled player who can put it in for the score… That would be me…right? After reading the thread, I feel like a Miller Lite… “Tastes Great!” “Four syllables!” “Tastes Great!” “Four syllables!” I’m actually leaning toward 4 myself, since girl/grrl only has one by my reconing. But what do I know? I take the ball into the library to brush up on grammar, and leave it at the librarian’s desk due to the sign that says “No food, drink or doperballs beyond this point.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/632 "2005-09-08T01:55:16Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > I’m actually leaning toward 4 myself, since girl/grrl only has one by my reconing. But what do I know? > > I take the ball into the library to brush up on grammar, and leave it at the librarian’s desk due to the sign that says “No food, drink or doperballs beyond this point.” Yup! Four! Exactly what I said! **twickster** retrieves the ball from the library – dang, I stopped by my local library earlier this evening, had I but known – puts it in her tote bag with two books and four CDs (including Yma Sumac), and heads for home. As she climbs the hill between here and there, who should she see but … ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/633 "2005-09-08T02:07:01Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Yup! Four! Exactly what I said! > > **twickster** retrieves the ball from the library – dang, I stopped by my local library earlier this evening, had I but known – puts it in her tote bag with two books and four CDs (including Yma Sumac), and heads for home. As she climbs the hill between here and there, who should she see but … **gardentraveler** who somehow failed to go to the library tonight, but feels a sudden need to ensure that the evens are not in a position to score. So she stashes the Doperball in her bag of books to return (two she didn’t like, unfortunately) and puts the bag by the door so she won’t forget tomorrow. The bag is right next to the note that says “Don’t forget to take out the garbage.” Which is actually unrelated to the books - tomorrow is trash day. She hopes she won’t get confused in the morning and starts to head for beddy-bye when… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/634 "2005-09-08T02:08:28Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Yup! Four! Exactly what I said! > > **twickster** retrieves the ball from the library – dang, I stopped by my local library earlier this evening, had I but known – puts it in her tote bag with two books and four CDs (including Yma Sumac), and heads for home. As she climbs the hill between here and there, who should she see but … **danceswithcats** who instantly feels itchy even being in the same post with the word Sumac, so with no time to waste, he boots the calamine-lotion covered ball in for score!!! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/635 "2005-09-08T02:11:22Z")
and so, grasshopper-we begin another session of patience and dial-up. I’ll take that ball from **gardentraveler** and while reciting “Ohm” transcendentally levitate it to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/636 "2005-09-08T02:13:34Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** who somehow failed to go to the library tonight, but feels a sudden need to ensure that the evens are not in a position to score. So she stashes the Doperball in her bag of books to return (two she didn’t like, unfortunately) and puts the bag by the door so she won’t forget tomorrow. The bag is right next to the note that says “Don’t forget to take out the garbage.” Which is actually unrelated to the books - tomorrow is trash day. She hopes she won’t get confused in the morning and starts to head for beddy-bye when… **Sternvogel** bids her good night, points out that **danceswithcats** posted a bit too late, takes the ball, leaves the books, and sees that coming down High Street is someone in a Brutus Buckeye costume. That Doper is… On preview, I see I’m actually making the steal from **danceswithcats**. Brutus is being played by… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/637 "2005-09-08T02:15:50Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > and so, grasshopper-we begin another session of patience and dial-up. I’ll take that ball from **gardentraveler** and while reciting “Ohm” transcendentally levitate it to… **twickster** , who locates the ball’s third eye before passing it on to … ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/638 "2005-09-08T02:17:34Z")
Well, whichever oddball I stole it from, it’s stolen, and I’m passing it to… ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/639 "2005-09-08T02:18:52Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > twickster, who locates the ball’s third eye before passing it on to … …me, dressed as the confectionary interpretation of the poisonous buckeye nut…chocolate covered peanut-butter. I trip over the “I’m-a-drunk-frat-boy-who-can’t-keep-track-of-the-sidewalk-vs-the-street” guidewires that are often strung up and down High Street, sending the ball rolling over toward Viking Tattoo (where I got my armband done), where it sits in the gutter waiting for… ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/640 "2005-09-08T02:25:38Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > …me, dressed as the confectionary interpretation of the poisonous buckeye nut…chocolate covered peanut-butter. I trip over the “I’m-a-drunk-frat-boy-who-can’t-keep-track-of-the-sidewalk-vs-the-street” guidewires that are often strung up and down High Street, sending the ball rolling over toward Viking Tattoo (where I got my armband done), where it sits in the gutter waiting for… **Snakescatlady** , who carefully tucks the ball in her bag and goes to the liquor store for tequila. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=31) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=33)