# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 33
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/641 "2005-09-08T02:32:48Z")
but since **SCLD** is an even, I’ll snag the pass for her and put it in for a two-point score!!! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/642 "2005-09-08T02:33:05Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > **Snakescatlady** , who carefully tucks the ball in her bag and goes to the liquor store for tequila. **twicks** grabs the ball first so she can scooooooooooooooooore! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/643 "2005-09-08T02:34:38Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** grabs the ball first so she can scooooooooooooooooore! The battle of the dialups, eh, **dances**? 😉 What the hey, we’re on the same team now. And – BTW – before you kick off the next play – put on your bathing suit – here, there’s fins and a snorkel, too… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/644 "2005-09-08T02:35:03Z")
FROM not FOR aargh! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/645 "2005-09-08T02:40:20Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > The battle of the dialups, eh, **dances**? 😉 What the hey, we’re on the same team now. And – BTW – before you kick off the next play – put on your bathing suit – here, there’s fins and a snorkel, too… Darn. All this time I’ve been walking around the Cecil Adams Doperballitorium displaying me goods? For shame. :o In keeping with my character, I’ll put on sins and a fnorkel, and kick a high lofting ball towards… [size]What’s my team name now? Do I have the same locker? Where’s my agent?[/size] ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/646 "2005-09-08T03:27:57Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Darn. All this time I’ve been walking around the Cecil Adams Doperballitorium displaying me goods? For shame. :o In keeping with my character, I’ll put on sins and a fnorkel, and kick a high lofting ball towards… > > [size]What’s my team name now? Do I have the same locker? Where’s my agent?[/size] **twickster** , you’re lucky **danceswithcats** scored. Not only did your evens knot matters at 2-all, your one-pointer would have been disallowed because you began the possession. Anyway, **Sternvogel** puts the ball into play by heading to Ohio State’s historic St. John Arena, where he attempts a half-court shot on the basketball floor. The Doperball clangs off the rim, and is rebounded by… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/647 "2005-09-08T04:11:55Z")
**Sternvogel** ’s rebound is captured by **danceswithcats** who has donned a cheerleader’s outfit (don’t ask where he got it or why it fits-the mental pictures are ugly) and has pomm-pommed the ball off to… (I should have been a writer for Ben Stein’s Money) ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/648 "2005-09-08T04:48:39Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > **Sternvogel** ’s rebound is captured by **danceswithcats** who has donned a cheerleader’s outfit (don’t ask where he got it or why it fits-the mental pictures are ugly) and has pomm-pommed the ball off to… (I should have been a writer for Ben Stein’s Money) **Snakescatlady** , who looks around frantically for an Even team member to pass off to. Not seeing anyone at the moment, she sits on the ball and opens a book. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/649 "2005-09-08T04:53:58Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > **Snakescatlady** , who looks around frantically for an Even team member to pass off to. Not seeing anyone at the moment, she sits on the ball and opens a book. **Sternvogel** enters stage left carrying a boa constrictor. When **Snakescatlady** spies the herpetological specimen, she stands up and walks over for a look-see. I then pick up the abandoned ball and throw a bounce pass, which is caught by… ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/650 "2005-09-08T05:05:58Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** enters stage left carrying a boa constrictor. When **Snakescatlady** spies the herpetological specimen, she stands up and walks over for a look-see. I then pick up the abandoned ball and throw a bounce pass, which is caught by… … a passing bald eagle. **Monstre** grabs a rifle, shoots down the endangered bird, grabs the ball, and tosses it to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/651 "2005-09-08T05:25:04Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > … a passing bald eagle. **Monstre** grabs a rifle, shoots down the endangered bird, grabs the ball, and tosses it to… **Sternvogel** , who reminds veterans/informs latecomers that the configuration is now Usernames With Odd Numbers of Syllables vs. Usernames With Even Numbers of Syllables, and that the score is 2-all. So I’m looking for someone with 1, 3, 5, 7, or 9 syllables to catch this pass. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/652 "2005-09-08T05:27:04Z")
**danceswithcats** who ponders calling the Fish & Game commission, the National Park Service, or simply shooting **Monstre** for his egregious act, and while pondering, the ball rolls away to… ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/653 "2005-09-08T05:44:28Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > **danceswithcats** who ponders calling the Fish & Game commission, the National Park Service, or simply shooting **Monstre** for his egregious act, and while pondering, the ball rolls away to… **Monstre** , who shrugs and placates the onlookers by bandaging the eagle, hand-feeding it a few field mice, and fluffing the pillows on its perch. Then, with no idea what team he’s on any more, **Monstre** flings the ball high into the air, and it comes down on the head of… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/654 "2005-09-08T06:08:10Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > **Monstre** , who shrugs and placates the onlookers by bandaging the eagle, hand-feeding it a few field mice, and fluffing the pillows on its perch. Then, with no idea what team he’s on any more, **Monstre** flings the ball high into the air, and it comes down on the head of… **Sternvogel** , whose previous pass was never acknowledged, but declines the penalty in order to reclaim possession. I toss the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/655 "2005-09-08T07:49:47Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , whose previous pass was never acknowledged, but declines the penalty in order to reclaim possession. I toss the ball to… **Feydeau** , who wishes he could just understand the entire process. Looking through a library book on the legality and morality of stuffing bald eagles for display purposes, he reads about bird costumes, and decides that would be a grand idea. Donning the costume, he takes flight with the DoperBall in tow, on his way to the Great White North, when… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/656 "2005-09-08T10:39:47Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , who wishes he could just understand the entire process. Looking through a library book on the legality and morality of stuffing bald eagles for display purposes, he reads about bird costumes, and decides that would be a grand idea. Donning the costume, he takes flight with the DoperBall in tow, on his way to the Great White North, when… **gardentraveler** , who grabs one of **Feydeu’s** feet to keep him from taking off as we are not done with our tour of Ohio State landmarks. She demands the Doperball and marches over to the 'Shoe (Ohio Stadium, shrine of Buckeye Football, for the select few who have never been to Columbus) and climbs up to ring the bell. The tolling bell distracts all the Evens, so… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/657 "2005-09-08T11:51:21Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > \The tolling bell distracts all the Evens, so… Scott emerges from a cocoon a few days early, and, blinking in the sunlight, grabs the first object he see (The ball), and flies off in the direction of the nearest greenhouse. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/658 "2005-09-08T11:52:36Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** , who grabs one of **Feydeu’s** feet to keep him from taking off as we are not done with our tour of Ohio State landmarks. She demands the Doperball and marches over to the 'Shoe (Ohio Stadium, shrine of Buckeye Football, for the select few who have never been to Columbus) and climbs up to ring the bell. The tolling bell distracts all the Evens, so… sorry – that should be “all the Odds,” shouldn’t it? **twickster** rises yawning from her bed and dreading sorting out the various books in progress on her desk at work, but she always has time for Doperball, even if the game is stuck in Ohio, for og’s sake. She tucks the ball under her arm to consult a map, and … ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/659 "2005-09-08T12:03:22Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > sorry – that should be “all the Odds,” shouldn’t it? **twickster** rises yawning from her bed and dreading sorting out the various books in progress on her desk at work, but she always has time for Doperball, even if the game is stuck in Ohio, for og’s sake. She tucks the ball under her arm to consult a map, and … …honeydewgrrl comes along to point out Clintonville, OH on the map…aka “Clitville”, where all the lesbians live. She then offers to buy everyone dinner at Bravo’s Italian Kitchen down by the river, as she has yet to find a superior italian meal. While everyone gets well-fed, loud, and drunk on wine, the ball rolls into the kitchen where… gar-den-tra-vel-er…that’s 5 by my count…so he’d be distracting the Evens… ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/660 "2005-09-08T12:15:45Z")
gar-den-tra-vel-er…that’s 5 by my count…so he’d be distracting the Evens… [/QUOTE] :smack: That’s “… so she’d be distracting the Evens…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=32) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=34)