# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 34
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/661 "2005-09-08T12:16:27Z")
> [@honeydewgrrl](#): > > …honeydewgrrl comes along to point out Clintonville, OH on the map…aka “Clitville”, where all the lesbians live. She then offers to buy everyone dinner at Bravo’s Italian Kitchen down by the river, as she has yet to find a superior italian meal. While everyone gets well-fed, loud, and drunk on wine, the ball rolls into the kitchen where… > > gar-den-tra-vel-er…that’s 5 by my count…so he’d be distracting the Evens… _Trying_ to distract the evens – I was saying, I’m an even, and I wasn’t distracted. My jokes get funnier as the day wears on, honest. And with that **twickster** plucks the ball out of a vat of gnocchi and carries it out to the river, where she flags down a passing submarine. Upon boarding the sub, she finds… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/662 "2005-09-08T12:19:29Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > _Trying_ to distract the evens – I was saying, I’m an even, and I wasn’t distracted. > > My jokes get funnier as the day wears on, honest. > > And with that **twickster** plucks the ball out of a vat of gnocchi and carries it out to the river, where she flags down a passing submarine. Upon boarding the sub, she finds… … **Enterprise** , unevenly piloting the submarine. Say, what’s the fastest connection to the North Pole from here? Anyway, getting his sub stuck fast to a treacherous shoal of the river, he jumps ship and heads off cross the Appalachians to the East… ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/663 "2005-09-08T12:21:43Z")
I’ve been whooshed in a Doperball thread…this is a new low for me… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/664 "2005-09-08T13:26:30Z")
Snags ball from **enterprise** and lobs it – very, very gently – to teammate **honeydewgrrl** … ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/665 "2005-09-08T14:15:17Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Snags ball from **enterprise** and lobs it – very, very gently – to teammate **honeydewgrrl** … But **Marque Elf** snags the pass from **Twickster** and then realize that the wheel of karma has turned and Twickster is now an even teammate. Are we still the hairy A’s? He looks for someone who looks even to pass the ball to when: ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/666 "2005-09-08T15:27:26Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > But **Marque Elf** snags the pass from **Twickster** and then realize that the wheel of karma has turned and Twickster is now an even teammate. Are we still the hairy A’s? He looks for someone who looks even to pass the ball to when: **Monstre** comes along, converses with **Marque Elf** long enough to verify that they are indeed now on the same team, as other players mill about the field in a confused state. **Monstre** calmly accepts the handoff from **Marque Elf** , realizes he is the 4th touch in a row, and walks the ball across the goal line for 2 points. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/667 "2005-09-08T15:28:57Z")
**Monstre** then realizes that **honeydewgrrl** was only reporting her own whooshedness and was not a touch. So it’s only 1 point for the Evens, but it’s still a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLL! ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/668 "2005-09-08T17:05:46Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > **Monstre** comes along, converses with **Marque Elf** long enough to verify that they are indeed now on the same team, as other players mill about the field in a confused state. **Monstre** calmly accepts the handoff from **Marque Elf** , realizes he is the 4th touch in a row, and walks the ball across the goal line for 2 points. So I bring the ball back into play? Off it goes to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/669 "2005-09-08T17:11:12Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > So I bring the ball back into play? Off it goes to… **Sternvogel** , who will now catch up on the reading the thread after he passes to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/670 "2005-09-08T17:18:37Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who will now catch up on the reading the thread after he passes to… **twickster** , who’s also finding the folks at work a bit importunate today, interfering with her Doperball, reffa steffa shneffa, but she sprints across the field and kicks the ball (which looks like a ball at this point, how odd), to … ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/671 "2005-09-08T17:26:55Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twickster** , who’s also finding the folks at work a bit importunate today, interfering with her Doperball, reffa steffa shneffa, but she sprints across the field and kicks the ball (which looks like a ball at this point, how odd), to … **Feydeau** , who grabs the ball, counts its syllables, and gets even more confused. Picking up a dictionary, he forgets the ball, which is picked up by… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/672 "2005-09-08T18:08:04Z")
[d]danceswithcats\*\* reminds **Feydeau** that “ball” is monosyllabic, even though it doesn’t rhyme with GOAL, which is what I’ve scored. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/673 "2005-09-08T18:09:20Z")
the “d” in my coding is for “lysdexia”, which starts with a “b” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/674 "2005-09-08T18:29:53Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > [d]danceswithcats\*\* reminds **Feydeau** that “ball” is monosyllabic, even though it doesn’t rhyme with GOAL, which is what I’ve scored. With that score, the monosyllabic ball seems to be once again in play, and **Feydeau** grabs it and squishes it into a very small Petri dish, in order to watch it morph… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/675 "2005-09-08T18:43:45Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > With that score, the monosyllabic ball seems to be once again in play, and **Feydeau** grabs it and squishes it into a very small Petri dish, in order to watch it morph… which is another monosyllabic word, leading **twickster** to wonder if she’s playing with Gary Cooper (another “even”) here or a Mad Scientist (also “even”) or what. While she wonders, the ball morphs into a Mobius Strip (even), which sproings forth from the petri dish and lands on… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/676 "2005-09-08T18:55:41Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > which is another monosyllabic word, leading **twickster** to wonder if she’s playing with Gary Cooper (another “even”) here or a Mad Scientist (also “even”) or what. While she wonders, the ball morphs into a Mobius Strip (even), which sproings forth from the petri dish and lands on… **Sternvogel** (odd), who throws a pass to… ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/677 "2005-09-08T19:18:22Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** (odd), who throws a pass to… **Monstre** (even odder) – who flings the ball wildly in the other direction to… ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/678 "2005-09-08T19:26:38Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > **Monstre** (even odder) – who flings the ball wildly in the other direction to… **Regallag the Axe** , who uses his axe like a baseball bat, hitting it to… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/679 "2005-09-08T19:28:38Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > **Monstre** (even odder) – who flings the ball wildly in the other direction to… **Sternvogel** , who has finally read the already-infamous thread in which a **Hal Briston** impersonator announced **Hal** ’s ovine predilections. While thinking of lyrics to a song parody (the record should feature a _big horn_ section), I pick off the wild fling and head for San _Merino_, where I am met by… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/680 "2005-09-08T19:30:42Z")
Since **Regallag** posted as I was composing, I take the pass from him and look for an odd-syllable teammate who can put this ball into the goal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=33) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=35)