# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 35
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/681 "2005-09-08T19:43:09Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Since **Regallag** posted as I was composing, I take the pass from him and look for an odd-syllable teammate who can put this ball into the goal. No such luck, my ovine pal. **twickster** takes the ball and bounces it a few times, looking around the field for inspiration. Aha! She’ll turn it into a kite and fly it above the stadium, in hopes of attracting some teammates. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/682 "2005-09-08T19:49:40Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > No such luck, my ovine pal. > > **twickster** takes the ball and bounces it a few times, looking around the field for inspiration. Aha! She’ll turn it into a kite and fly it above the stadium, in hopes of attracting some teammates. Scott colides with her in mid air, and somehow, the ball winds up in the back of his shirt collar… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/683 "2005-09-08T19:56:45Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Scott colides with her in mid air, and somehow, the ball winds up in the back of his shirt collar… But is stolen by **Sternvogel** , whose attempt to fly it ends up with the erstwhile ball stuck in the Kite-Eating Tree. Climbing up to claim it is… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/684 "2005-09-08T20:34:26Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > But is stolen by **Sternvogel** , whose attempt to fly it ends up with the erstwhile ball stuck in the Kite-Eating Tree. Climbing up to claim it is… … **Enterprise** , who discovers he is afraid of heights and hopes new team-mate **Regallag (I hope I didn’t misspell that) the Axe** will chop the tree down in due time. Meanwhile, he places it in a bird’s nest where it is found by… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/685 "2005-09-08T20:40:55Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > … **Enterprise** , who discovers he is afraid of heights and hopes new team-mate **Regallag (I hope I didn’t misspell that) the Axe** will chop the tree down in due time. Meanwhile, he places it in a bird’s nest where it is found by… **gardentraveler** , who arrives home just in time to score a GOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL for the Odds. (Can someone update the score? I have to leave for dinner now…?) ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/686 "2005-09-08T20:55:05Z")
So again, I put the ball into play. A ball? No – I am handed a suitcase containing unknown things and stamped “McGuffin”…wonder what’s in it…I check it in at SeaTac airport for a flight to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/687 "2005-09-08T21:47:06Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > So again, I put the ball into play. A ball? No – I am handed a suitcase containing unknown things and stamped “McGuffin”…wonder what’s in it…I check it in at SeaTac airport for a flight to… Mount Rushmore, where **twickster** grabs the suitcase and starts climbing up Washington’s nose… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/688 "2005-09-08T21:49:37Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Mount Rushmore, where **twickster** grabs the suitcase and starts climbing up Washington’s nose… Suddenly, Mel Gibson falls through the air. While you are distracted, you see a fat white man and his red-heade wife leaving the scene, as well as an average looking white male wearing a bussiness suit. Which one has it? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/689 "2005-09-08T21:52:11Z")
\I meant to put in a line about how while you are distracted by Mel, the ball is grabbed. :smack: Damn you women, and your “The administrator has specified that users can only post one message every 60 seconds.” rule. I curse the day I escaped from your retched womb. \ ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/690 "2005-09-08T22:59:04Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > \I meant to put in a line about how while you are distracted by Mel, the ball is grabbed. :smack: Damn you women, and your “The administrator has specified that users can only post one message every 60 seconds.” rule. I curse the day I escaped from your retched womb. > > \ :: knocks scott over, and take the ball :: Haha, Mr. Ball! I have you now! Take this! :: Hurls the ball a quite ridiculous distance :: ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/691 "2005-09-09T00:39:18Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > :: knocks scott over, and take the ball :: > > Haha, Mr. Ball! I have you now! Take this! > > :: Hurls the ball a quite ridiculous distance :: And it winds up bonking **twickster** in the head as she stands in line for Space Mountain at Disney World. She grabs it and tucks it in her purse, since she just got to the front of the line… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/692 "2005-09-09T02:09:26Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > And it winds up bonking **twickster** in the head as she stands in line for Space Mountain at Disney World. She grabs it and tucks it in her purse, since she just got to the front of the line… **gardentraveler** waits some time quite impatiently for \*\*twicks \*\* to emerge from Space Mountain. _Finally_, she sees her exit, grabs the ball and heads for breakfast with Princesses, which the Doperball insists it wants to attend. We are chatting animatedly with a princess when… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/693 "2005-09-09T02:20:24Z")
In case anyone is interested, I just went back and computed the score. Assuming my arithmetic is accurate, the Evens are up 4-3. GT ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/694 "2005-09-09T02:44:07Z")
**danceswithcats** happens along, disguised as Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Wheezy, Dopey, Horny, or Julio (the alternate dwarves) and grabs the ball from **gardentraveler** _hi ho, hi ho, for Doperball we go, now don’t you grouse you little louse, hi ho, hi ho_ ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/695 "2005-09-09T02:50:06Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > _hi ho, hi ho, for Doperball we go, now don’t you grouse you little louse, hi ho, hi ho_ I appear, disguised as Little Red Rdding Hood, hope that there are no bears around, grab the ball, and make a break for it. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/696 "2005-09-09T03:04:47Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > I appear, disguised as Little Red Rdding Hood, hope that there are no bears around, grab the ball, and make a break for it. **gardentraveler** doesn’t see any bears, but jumps out from behind a tree, disguised as a wolf and grabs the ball. She goes off to grandmother’s house, where ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/697 "2005-09-09T03:49:04Z")
she encounters **danceswithcats** disguised as Grandma. **gardentraveler** : My what a big _censored_ you have, Grandma! **danceswithcats** : Yo! This is a family oriented thread-don’t be talking about my _censored_! Gimme that Doperball, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll mix up your Fairy Tales! With that, **danceswithcats** heaves the ball out the window to… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/698 "2005-09-09T06:04:57Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > she encounters **danceswithcats** disguised as Grandma. > > **gardentraveler** : My what a big _censored_ you have, Grandma! > **danceswithcats** : Yo! This is a family oriented thread-don’t be talking about my _censored_! Gimme that Doperball, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll mix up your Fairy Tales! > With that, **danceswithcats** heaves the ball out the window to… **Feydeau** , who grabs the ball and feeds it to the cow-as-white-as-milk. In three days, we shall have a new DoperBall! ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/699 "2005-09-09T09:36:58Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , who grabs the ball and feeds it to the cow-as-white-as-milk. In three days, we shall have a new DoperBall! …three days later, **Enterprise** retrives the new ball from the cow’s belly by a process he’d rather not describe, and passes it off to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/700 "2005-09-09T11:57:53Z")
**twickster** , who’s not sure whether to be happy or disappointed that she doesn’t get to? have to? play Snow White amongst this scurvy crew. She’s thinking the cow-extracted ball might go great with cookies, so she heads off to the supermarket, where she encounters… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=34) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=36)