# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 36
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/701 "2005-09-09T12:00:17Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twickster** , who’s not sure whether to be happy or disappointed that she doesn’t get to? have to? play Snow White amongst this scurvy crew. She’s thinking the cow-extracted ball might go great with cookies, so she heads off to the supermarket, where she encounters… …a cookie elemental, who tricks **twicks** (say that quickly five times) into giving it the ball in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies. But woe! Once it has possession of the ball, the elemental sheds its disguise and turns out to be **Priceguy** , who cackles madly and makes a run for it, leaving the still cookie-less **twickster** behind. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/702 "2005-09-09T12:39:32Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > …\leaving the still cookie-less **twickster** behind. \*\ ***twick-ster** , \*\*Price-guy \*\*\*\*Sure as shooting sounds even to me. Thus, I give **twickster** a big pile of cookies, and the ball then magically appears above my head. I then leap into the sea, and swin into the secondary water polo goal set up there. (What did you think the bathing suits were for? :dubious: ) Goal. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/703 "2005-09-09T12:52:13Z")
You can’t score; **twickster** is on the other team. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/704 "2005-09-09T12:53:34Z")
Sorry, missed the new team setup. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/705 "2005-09-09T13:57:11Z")
**Mrque Elf** , who looks stunning in his Hairy A bathing suit (and has declined GQ’s offer of a modeling contract until the game is over) swims up to start the next quarter? rubber? half ? period? chukker? whatever… and passes the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/706 "2005-09-09T14:54:44Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > **Mrque Elf** , who looks stunning in his Hairy A bathing suit (and has declined GQ’s offer of a modeling contract until the game is over) swims up to start the next quarter? rubber? half ? period? chukker? whatever… and passes the ball to… **twickster** , who checks her legs and realizes, um, “Hairy A’s” is about right – but before she hits the showers, she passes the ball to … ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/707 "2005-09-09T15:04:26Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twickster** , who checks her legs and realizes, um, “Hairy A’s” is about right – but before she hits the showers, she passes the ball to … **Feydeau** , who scores. Next! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/708 "2005-09-09T15:04:58Z")
**twickster** ’s pass is caught by **danceswithcats** who’s still getting mileage out of the Grandma getup, and using best walker form, does the elder shuffle in for SCORE!!! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/709 "2005-09-09T15:10:19Z")
Oh fart! Cursed dial-up! I’ll boot that ball into play using my open-toed sensible shoe… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/710 "2005-09-09T16:14:58Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Oh fart! Cursed dial-up! I’ll boot that ball into play using my open-toed sensible shoe… **Sternvogel** , hoping to rally his team from a 6-3 deficit, steals and heads for St. Ives. He meets a man (which is you if you’re male) with seven wives (one of which is you if you’re female). Taking the handoff and placing it in a sack is… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/711 "2005-09-09T16:30:02Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , hoping to rally his team from a 6-3 deficit, steals and heads for St. Ives. He meets a man (which is you if you’re male) with seven wives (one of which is you if you’re female). Taking the handoff and placing it in a sack is… …one of seven cats, from which **twickster** gingerly retrieves the ball. Wiping off the cat hair, she lobs it to … ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/712 "2005-09-09T16:32:17Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > …one of seven cats, from which **twickster** gingerly retrieves the ball. Wiping off the cat hair, she lobs it to … One! Only one many was going to St. Ives. … . . . . I am sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, I pick up the ball, throw it, hopping annother even will make a goal, and head off to lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/713 "2005-09-09T16:33:17Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > …one of seven cats, from which **twickster** gingerly retrieves the ball. Wiping off the cat hair, she lobs it to … Regallag, who punts it to… ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/714 "2005-09-09T16:35:19Z")
Damn! I suppose I got it from **Scott Plaid** , and then release it in some commical fasion. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/715 "2005-09-09T16:46:59Z")
having snagged the pass from **Regallag** I stop to ooh and ah over the seven cats and seven kits each, which equals a boatload of kittens, and allow the ball which I’m sitting on the be stolen by… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/716 "2005-09-09T17:00:16Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > having snagged the pass from **Regallag** I stop to ooh and ah over the seven cats and seven kits each, which equals a boatload of kittens, and allow the ball which I’m sitting on the be stolen by… **Feydeau** , who isn’t feeling so perky today ☹ , so I just pass it to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/717 "2005-09-09T17:03:58Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , who isn’t feeling so perky today ☹ , so I just pass it to… **twickster** , who takes it to the GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAL! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/718 "2005-09-09T18:06:29Z")
Interesting how **twickster** , who dictated this arrangement, finds her squad up 7-3. Well, we’ll see what happens next game, when the **Capital Letter Dopers** meet the **lower-case brigade**. Hoping for a stirring comeback, I put the ball into play by incorporating it into an installation at a local art gallery. Approaching the piece now is art connoisseur… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/719 "2005-09-09T18:09:57Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > Interesting how **twickster** , who dictated this arrangement, finds her squad up 7-3. Well, we’ll see what happens next game, when the **Capital Letter Dopers** meet the **lower-case brigade**. Hoping for a stirring comeback, I put the ball into play by incorporating it into an installation at a local art gallery. Approaching the piece now is art connoisseur… **Feydeau** , who just doesn’t _get_ most art. He takes the ball (that is the ball that I’ve got, right?) and drops it into the local river, where… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/720 "2005-09-09T18:39:53Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > **Feydeau** , who just doesn’t _get_ most art. He takes the ball (that is the ball that I’ve got, right?) and drops it into the local river, where… **Sternvogel** , whose local river is the Wabash, fishes the ball out of the water. He finds a really big bottle, inserts the sphere, and attaches a message. Finding the bottle is… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=35) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=37)