# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/61 "2005-09-03T12:11:37Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > …where **Feydeau** leaps up and grabs it. Running _very quickly_ away from **Monstre** , he passes it to… **WhyNot** , who noticed the same alphabetic problem awhile back, but would never accuse \*\*HalBriston \*\*of padding his team or anything while developing this game… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/62 "2005-09-03T12:47:57Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > **WhyNot** , who noticed the same alphabetic problem awhile back, but would never accuse \*\*HalBriston \*\*of padding his team or anything while developing this game… …and while those two Team 2 crybabies bewail their inability to recruit players, twickster scampers in and grabs the ball, heading downfield… ---
**Author:** ![Enterprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/76d3ee/32.png) [@Enterprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enterprise)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/63 "2005-09-03T12:59:18Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > …and while those two Team 2 crybabies bewail their inability to recruit players, twickster scampers in and grabs the ball, heading downfield… …only to be heavily tackled by **Enterprise** , whose lack of comprehension does not preclude his use of senseless violence in an otherwise apparently fair team sport. Realizing he doesn’t actually know where the ball is supposed to go, **Enterprise** sort of faintly kicks the ball towards… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/64 "2005-09-03T13:03:32Z")
> [@Enterprise](#): > > …only to be heavily tackled by **Enterprise** , whose lack of comprehension does not preclude his use of senseless violence in an otherwise apparently fair team sport. Realizing he doesn’t actually know where the ball is supposed to go, **Enterprise** sort of faintly kicks the ball towards… **WhyNot** , who throws the pom-poms back at \*\*twickster \*\*and the ball to… ( **Feydeau** , if you catch this one, put it in the goal!) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/65 "2005-09-03T13:49:17Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > You know, just looking at the two teams, the alphabetic distribution seems heavily in favor of Team One. We’re now in the third variation of team distribution, and each of them seems to cause problems. First, we did: Team 1 - A C E G… Team 2- B D F H… Then we tried: Team 1 - A B E F… Team 2- C D G H… Each of them wound up _very_ one-sided. When the current method was first tried, success! The teams were very well-balanced, and it was a nice, tight game. Since then, however, it seems that the balance has fizzled. I can now only conclude one thing: Team 2 are a buncha quitters. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/66 "2005-09-03T14:53:29Z")
Ooo…almost forgot… > [@WhyNot](#): > > **WhyNot** , who throws the pom-poms back at \*\*twickster \*\*and the ball to… … **Hal** , who blocks another Team 2 goal! He pulls a comically oversized croquet mallet out of his pants, sets the Doperball, and sends it careening downfield. It winds up colliding with the noggin of… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/67 "2005-09-03T15:06:56Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Ooo…almost forgot… > > … **Hal** , who blocks another Team 2 goal! He pulls a comically oversized croquet mallet out of his pants, sets the Doperball, and sends it careening downfield. It winds up colliding with the noggin of… **gardentraveler** , who had been re-reading the rules, had determined that she was on Team 1, couldn’t remember the team name other than it starts with _A_, and is rendered unconscious by **Hal’s** skilled use of a large mallet. Since she has quite a solid noggin’, the ball ricochets off of it and then off a nearby lamppost and on to… ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/68 "2005-09-03T15:16:36Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **gardentraveler** , who had been re-reading the rules, had determined that she was on Team 1, couldn’t remember the team name other than it starts with _A_, and is rendered unconscious by **Hal’s** skilled use of a large mallet. Since she has quite a solid noggin’, the ball ricochets off of it and then off a nearby lamppost and on to… **Snakescatlady** who runs toward the goal only to be tripped by… ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/69 "2005-09-03T16:02:03Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > **Snakescatlady** who runs toward the goal only to be tripped by… **bouv** , who, upon realizing they are on the same team, shoves the ball in the goal for tww points! ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/70 "2005-09-03T17:41:18Z")
With his team up by a 7-4 count (and the trailing squad having only gotten on the board because of a “candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, and **Draelin** would be on our club were she not the ref” bribe), **Sternvogel** returns from his weekly trip to the grocery store, unpacks a suspicious-looking watermelon, realizes the fruit is actually a cleverly-disguised Doperball, and tosses it to the ground, whence the juicy mess is retrieved by… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/71 "2005-09-03T17:52:37Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > With his team up by a 7-4 count (and the trailing squad having only gotten on the board because of a “candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, and **Draelin** would be on our club were she not the ref” bribe), **Sternvogel** returns from his weekly trip to the grocery store, unpacks a suspicious-looking watermelon, realizes the fruit is actually a cleverly-disguised Doperball, and tosses it to the ground, whence the juicy mess is retrieved by… **twickster** , who takes a break from her puttering to run across the field again. Luckily, she has a cleaning rag in tucked into the back waistband of her shorts, so she cleans the watermelon juice off the ball and playfully boots it to… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/72 "2005-09-03T17:56:23Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twickster** , who takes a break from her puttering to run across the field again. Luckily, she has a cleaning rag in tucked into the back waistband of her shorts, so she cleans the watermelon juice off the ball and playfully boots it to… **gardentraveler** , who has been hoping that someone would come in and tally the score because she quite frankly has been wondering whether the other team REALLY had four points and how many points did this team REALLY have and what are the other players wearing and where are the margaritas and ::recently de-juiced Doperball gets tired of listening and leaps out of **gardentraveler’s** hands and flies gleefully toward the goal, cleverly scoring an additional point for the team.:: Right?? ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/73 "2005-09-03T18:24:04Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > … recently de-juiced Doperball gets tired of listening and leaps out of **gardentraveler’s** hands and flies gleefully toward the goal, cleverly scoring an additional point for the team.:: Right?? Correct. Apteryxs (those “wingless birds with hairy feathers”, as in the _B.C._ comic strip now have an 8-4 lead. **Sternvogel** once again puts the ball into play, this time by disguising it as an early Labor Day cookout ear of corn. It is picked up, then buttered and salted by… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/74 "2005-09-03T18:27:05Z")
Well DAY-UM! That’s a fine note (B-flat major) starting Doperball while I was keyboardally challenged, and away from home, too. 😉 No time to waste! Grabbing the ball from these overscoring so-and-so’s I’ll just hop aboard the methane powered unicycle and pedal furiously downfield before passing to… ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/75 "2005-09-03T18:33:11Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Well DAY-UM! That’s a fine note (B-flat major) starting Doperball while I was keyboardally challenged, and away from home, too. 😉 No time to waste! > > Grabbing the ball from these overscoring so-and-so’s I’ll just hop aboard the methane powered unicycle and pedal furiously downfield before passing to… **bouv**. Who, being flightless, tries his best to fly anyways but lands flat on his face. The ball rolls out of his hand and right to… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/76 "2005-09-03T18:34:38Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > bouv. Who, being flightless, tries his best to fly anyways but lands flat on his face. The ball rolls out of his hand and right to… … **WhyNot** , who welcomes \*\*danceswithcats \*\*to the game before hopping on her Nimbus 3000 and swooping with the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/77 "2005-09-03T18:36:26Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > **bouv**. Who, being flightless, tries his best to fly anyways but lands flat on his face. The ball rolls out of his hand and right to… **twicks** , who’s still trying to get back to her pom-poms. With an exasperated sigh, she hands the ball (corn? ball? what is this?) to… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/78 "2005-09-03T18:38:34Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , who’s still trying to get back to her pom-poms. With an exasperated sigh, she hands the ball (corn? ball? what is this?) to… \*\*WhyNot \*\*intercepting the ball again, this time on a pogo stick… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/79 "2005-09-03T18:38:59Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > … **WhyNot** , who welcomes \*\*danceswithcats \*\*to the game before hopping on her Nimbus 3000 and swooping with the ball to… **twicks** , who adds just a soupcon of pique to her exasperation as she steals back the ball for the Hairy A’s, and marches impatiently toward the goalline, only to encounter… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/80 "2005-09-03T18:48:09Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **twicks** , who adds just a soupcon of pique to her exasperation as she steals back the ball for the Hairy A’s, and marches impatiently toward the goalline, only to encounter… **gardentraveler** , who was diverted from her monologue (which had moved to the topic of how to spell apteryx) by **twickster’s** use of the words _soupcon_ and _pique_ in the same sentence. GT grabs the ball from **twicks** and allows the Doperball to sail gracefully towards… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=5)