# Doperball V--Man, I'm bored **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743 "2005-09-02T15:32:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 43
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/841 "2005-09-11T17:44:09Z")
**Yay!!!** ::Jumps up and down and waves pom-poms:: Lower-case brigade is up 1-0. **gardentraveler** scoops up the ball and pitches it to… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/842 "2005-09-11T17:50:21Z")
**gardentraveler** scoops up the ball and pitches it to… **danceswithcats** who pauses and tips his cap to the thousands of cheering fans in the Cecil Adams SuperDuperDome before scooping the ball up in a cesta and hurling it downfield towards… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/843 "2005-09-11T17:52:35Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > **gardentraveler** scoops up the ball and pitches it to… > > **danceswithcats** who pauses and tips his cap to the thousands of cheering fans in the Cecil Adams SuperDuperDome before scooping the ball up in a cesta and hurling it downfield towards… **twickster** , who scoooooooooooooores again! But alas, I have to Go Do Some Stuff, so I hope another Luck comes along soon. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/844 "2005-09-11T17:56:46Z")
**Lucks** are up now, 2-0. Just for a change of scenery, I decide to go for a hike in the Alps, taking the Doperball along in my giant hiking backpack. We pause for a few minutes halfway up a trail, and I kick the ball into play,… ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/845 "2005-09-11T18:05:34Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > **Lucks** are up now, 2-0. Just for a change of scenery, I decide to go for a hike in the Alps, taking the Doperball along in my giant hiking backpack. We pause for a few minutes halfway up a trail, and I kick the ball into play,… where **Feydeau** happens along, munching some Swiss Chocolate. Grabbing the ball (which is now a bit sticky…) he lobs it up the mountain… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/846 "2005-09-11T19:16:37Z")
> [@Feydeau](#): > > where **Feydeau** happens along, munching some Swiss Chocolate. Grabbing the ball (which is now a bit sticky…) he lobs it up the mountain… …where **twicks** intercepts it. She’s flown over to Switzerland for the sole purpose of reporting that she found the cup hooks (but only after buying another pack of them, natch), but while she’s here, she’ll bop a few goats with the ball. One irate nanny comes after her, but she runs around behind … ---
**Author:** ![EarthStone777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@EarthStone777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EarthStone777)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/847 "2005-09-11T19:31:14Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > …where **twicks** intercepts it. She’s flown over to Switzerland for the sole purpose of reporting that she found the cup hooks (but only after buying another pack of them, natch), but while she’s here, she’ll bop a few goats with the ball. One irate nanny comes after her, but she runs around behind … **EarthStone777**. The nanny goat makes the mistake of trying a headbutt and learns the hard way that although EarthStone _is_ an ummovable object, nanny goats _are not_ unstoppable forces. However Switzerland is the land of snow and avalanches and the tremendous CRASH has caused a ridge of snow to cascade down the mountain. EarthStone777 scoops up Twickster under an arm and removes her to safety, leaving the doperball to be buried under uncounted feet of snow and ice… ---
**Author:** ![EarthStone777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@EarthStone777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EarthStone777)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/848 "2005-09-11T19:34:43Z")
> [@EarthStone777](#): > > EarthStone777 scoops up Twickster under an arm and removes her to safety, leaving the doperball to be buried under uncounted feet of snow and ice… I should like to add that the nanny goat was also removed to safety\* under EarthStone’s other arm and thus the reason the doperball was left behind… - No goats were harmed while making that post ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/849 "2005-09-11T20:28:02Z")
> [@EarthStone777](#): > > I should like to add that the nanny goat was also removed to safety\* under EarthStone’s other arm and thus the reason the doperball was left behind… > > - No goats were harmed while making that post Wearing her special Doperball excavation suit and with her custom-constructed Doperball excavation equipment (which looks suspiciously like a shovel), **gardentraveler** begins to dig. Two weeks go by and FINALLY, she strikes gold. Yes…the Doperball has turned to gold! She carefully picks it up, stashes it in an armored 4-wheel drive vehicle and… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/850 "2005-09-11T21:33:24Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > Wearing her special Doperball excavation suit and with her custom-constructed Doperball excavation equipment (which looks suspiciously like a shovel), **gardentraveler** begins to dig. Two weeks go by and FINALLY, she strikes gold. Yes…the Doperball has turned to gold! She carefully picks it up, stashes it in an armored 4-wheel drive vehicle and… **Sternvogel** , who is at the wheel (as in “steering”, not “one of the quartet implied by the term ‘four-wheel drive’”), heads down the Matterhorn. As a blinding snow storm suddenly obscures his vision, he pulls to a stop just outside a conveniently-located youth hostel. Wondering if he’s too old to get a bed for the night, but desperate for lodging, he enters the building and discovers… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/851 "2005-09-11T22:52:51Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** , who is at the wheel (as in “steering”, not “one of the quartet implied by the term ‘four-wheel drive’”), heads down the Matterhorn. As a blinding snow storm suddenly obscures his vision, he pulls to a stop just outside a conveniently-located youth hostel. Wondering if he’s too old to get a bed for the night, but desperate for lodging, he enters the building and discovers… that the entire cast of Gilligan’s Island has been living there in a zone where people don’t age. While **Sternvogel** is enjoying how hot Ginger and MaryAnne still look, **danceswithcats** sticks the extremely friggin’ heavy doperball (remember that it’s now made of gold so it’s weightier than a Bob Newhart comedy sketch) on a dogsled before mushing off across the snow in search of another Lowie who can find the goal… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/852 "2005-09-11T23:01:10Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > that the entire cast of Gilligan’s Island has been living there in a zone where people don’t age. While **Sternvogel** is enjoying how hot Ginger and MaryAnne still look, **danceswithcats** sticks the extremely friggin’ heavy doperball (remember that it’s now made of gold so it’s weightier than a Bob Newhart comedy sketch) on a dogsled before mushing off across the snow in search of another Lowie who can find the goal… … and, sure enough, here comes **twicks** , who has enjoyed a very pleasant sojourn in a ski chalet with **EarthStone777** and the goat, but who’s ready to play again. She reaches for the solid-gold ball – now guarded by the Solid Gold Dancers – and tries to pick it up. Hmph. Sucker’s heavy. Luckily, she brought her '20s-Style Antigravity Device with her, so … ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/853 "2005-09-11T23:08:21Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > … and, sure enough, here comes **twicks** , who has enjoyed a very pleasant sojourn in a ski chalet with **EarthStone777** and the goat, but who’s ready to play again. She reaches for the solid-gold ball – now guarded by the Solid Gold Dancers – and tries to pick it up. Hmph. Sucker’s heavy. Luckily, she brought her '20s-Style Antigravity Device with her, so … **Sternvogel** could more easily pick up the ball and present it to Mary Ann. She takes the solid-but-surprisingly-light gold object back to Kansas, where it is placed in a wheat field and discovered by… ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/854 "2005-09-11T23:44:49Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **Sternvogel** could more easily pick up the ball and present it to Mary Ann. She takes the solid-but-surprisingly-light gold object back to Kansas, where it is placed in a wheat field and discovered by… Two farmer, a childless couple. They take the ball, and promise to raise it as their child, till one day… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/855 "2005-09-11T23:45:40Z")
a farmer who wonders what in the &%$#\* his brand new plow has smacked into. Foolishly, he contacts the Gummint who declares that possession of a gold doperball is illegal, and they summarily sieze the ball, his crops, farmhouse, livestock, and attractive daughters, locking them all up in a vault at Fort Knox. **danceswithcats** has taken a job there as a janitor, and after befriending one of the cows, learns the secret codeword “MOO” to the cyber-locked vault, and having hidden the doperball on his person via a disguise such that he now looks like a pregnant janitor with a mustache, he swabs his way to the gates and passes the ball to… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/856 "2005-09-11T23:47:43Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Two farmer, a childless couple. They take the ball, and promise to raise it as their child, till one day… Sorry, **dances** , gotta take the ball from **Scott Plaid** and make it a teeny weeny little spandex suit. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/857 "2005-09-11T23:51:26Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Two farmer, a childless couple. They take the ball, and promise to raise it as their child, till one day… **danceswithcats** comes into town as a traveling preacher, and convinces the couple that they should let the ball join his ministry. After years of instruction, the ball receives it’s degree, and shall be known hereafter as Doperball, D. D. Unfortunately, the dark side tempts Rev. Doperball where he is carried off by… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/858 "2005-09-11T23:55:08Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Unfortunately, the dark side tempts Rev. Doperball where he is carried off by… **Sternvogel** , who has returned to the field after discovering that Indiana has apparently become a Pacific-touching state, as the Fox announcement said the season premiere of _The Simpsons_ was coming up “except on the West Coast”. As _Malcolm in the Middle_ plays on his TV, he passes to… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/859 "2005-09-11T23:55:34Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Sorry, **dances** , gotta take the ball from **Scott Plaid** and make it a teeny weeny little spandex suit. which looks nice enough to kick into the hands of… gotta lay off the literature-it takes too long to compose convoluted plotlines 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743/860 "2005-09-11T23:56:57Z")
Well, I now take the ball from **danceswithcats** , and pass (hoping that I’m not nipped at the tape by a lowercase message) to… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=42) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/doperball-v-man-im-bored/319743.md?page=44)