# Dopers: Define "sexy" What or who is sexy to Dopers? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810 "2004-12-14T17:15:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/21 "2004-12-15T01:09:14Z")
The French have an expression which I think captures it for me - _être bien dans sa peau_, which means “to be well in one’s skin”. Someone who’s comfortable and confident in the way they move and in what they say, and who’s able to use their brain can be really attractive and sexy, even if they’re not conventionally good looking. But then again you can be Colin Firth and be both! The converse of this is that someone can be very good looking, but if lacking the x factor (confidence, a sense of humour and a degree of sensuality), you come away feeling like there was nothing going on behind their eyes, which is never sexy. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/22 "2004-12-15T02:15:46Z")
Sexy, to me, can be categorized by appearance only or appearance plus personality. Maybe I’m shallow, but looks always play a role in sexiness. Appearance only sexiness is best typified by two different women. The first, Catherine Zeta Jones, is classically beautiful, has a charming voice, and is elegant and poised. She’s truly gorgeous. Pierce Brosnan would be the male equivalent. The second would be Angelina Jolie and her sexiness comes mostly from an undefinable sex-appeal. Whatever it is, once you notice it, it’s impossible to miss… she just oozes the stuff. Being attractive and having those eyes help as well. Brad Pitt is the male counterpart. Appearance plus personality sexiness comes mostly from personality. The person needs to be attractive in the first place and, generally, I find the petite cute (not beautiful or pretty, cute specifically) girls to fall mostly in this category. Intelligence, a girl next door quality, a good amount (but not too much) pf geekiness or dorkiness or your own personal favorite trait, a quiet strength, and a charming personality are what \*really \*make them sexy though. For women, I suppose Winona Rider, Nicole de Boer, and Katie Holmes are the best examples. For guys, and this really shows my bias, I’d Edward Norton. ---
**Author:** ![TheInterruptingCow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9c0ed/32.png) [@TheInterruptingCow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheInterruptingCow)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/23 "2004-12-15T02:28:26Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Sexy, to me, can be categorized by appearance only or appearance plus personality. Maybe I’m shallow, but looks always play a role in sexiness. This got me thinking about which men I find sexy…(awwwwww…Mongo straight!) I don’t find much to interest me in the current crop of male actors, but…I’ve always thought that Sean Connery had it _goin’ on_! But the worst thing is (and this may belong in the TMI thread)… I dig Wilford Brimley. That guy’s got charisma out the wazoo. Not that I wanna do him or anything, I just hope I’m that cool and physically unattractive at his age. ---
**Author:** ![dare\_devil007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@dare\_devil007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dare_devil007)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/24 "2004-12-15T02:31:32Z")
Hm. For me, sexiness is this: A hot Korean guy (Not that I have anything against non-Korean guys, but I’ve hung out with Korean guys all my life, so I’m more “attracted” to them, I guess.) with glasses and a guitar and exudes that slightly-nerdy/geeky persona, but is also the itsy-bitiest dangerous. Oh, and Keanu Reeves and Colin Farrel (with his natural brown hair, not…_shudders_ blond hair.) are definitely sexy. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/25 "2004-12-15T03:02:12Z")
Amanda Bynes. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/26 "2004-12-15T10:50:29Z")
**Dare-Devil** nails one with the guitar. In fact any instrument, but they’d have to be good. Playing badly but thinking you’re wonderful is a huge turn-off. Otherwise I think “presence” is sexy, i.e. someone who is noticeable and individual. That doesn’t necessarily mean extroverted though as it’s quite possible to be like that quietly or shyly. I like men who like to dress well. Perhaps not even because they wear nice clothes, but because I find that endearing. The old chestnut of defintely being a man, but having a boy-ish side. Intelligence. And, er…not fancying me seems to be sexy to me. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/27 "2004-12-15T12:28:54Z")
I can’t entirely define what I find to be sexy. So much is just dependent on how a woman carries herself. I can say that a great neck/shoulder line works wonders for me. Examples would be Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Course, they’re all sexy for other reasons too 😃 Personality wise, I like a sense of humor and a sense of confidence. I like a lil bit o’ cute too. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/28 "2004-12-15T12:36:57Z")
Sense of humor Sense of humor Confidence Ability to fix things Big Brown Eyes. Yeah, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/29 "2004-12-15T14:01:16Z")
Physically, I find shorter, neat hair and rugged handsomeness attractive. I don’t prefer “pretty” men–and I just HATE the “metrosexual” look (I don’t refer to being well-dressed–it’s the general “look” I don’t like). I like a little age on a man (which is why I didn’t find Pierce Brosnan at all attractive when he was younger, but now, he’s WOW!). I like mucular, but not, “muscle-bound” (body-building=YUCK). Mentally/emotionally, I find intelligence, humor, respectability, and a compassionate nature to be insanely attractive. With some actors, it depends on their roles. For example, Alan Rickman. In _Quigley Down Under_ (condescending, cruel, bigoted)–NOT attractive. In _Sense and Sensibility_ (kind, compassionate, gentle)–meow-_WOW_!! ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/30 "2004-12-15T15:15:17Z")
Well… since the only man in the world I find sexy is my husband - and not for any corny newlywed sugar-sweet reason, either - I am biased and bisexual. I hate most men and their shallow, ugly ways, I hate the way they look at and treat women, I hate their selfishness and me-first attitude, the way many think that the moment they are “not happy” for whatever reason, instead of working on a relationship, they cheat, or they run off and move in with another woman… yes, I _said_ I was biased! I’m just being honest! There are many women like that, too, but I haven’t met as many. YMMV, naturally. This is _my_ POV I’m talking about, no one else’s. Obviously I understand it is not like that with all men, or I’d not be married to one, would I? This leads me to why I think my husband is sexy: He treats all women, thin or fat, tall or short, drop dead gorgeous or pity-the-child ugly - with equal respect, unless they give him a reason to do otherwise. He does the same with men. I find that incredibly sexy. I find the way he keeps up his personal appearance sexy - he grooms himself well when he’s going to go out into public, not out of any ego, but dresses neatly, combs his hair and styles it quickly - so as not to “offend” anybody. Brilliant. I find that very sexy. Anyone can say “I don’t give a damn, let 'em think what they think” and those types are usually slobs. I don’t find slobs sexy. I don’t find people who “don’t give a damn” very sexy at all - I don’t find them confident, just rude. It usually indicates to me who they really care about. I don’t need my husband to wow the masses, but at least care enough about your appearance to not look like you’ve just crawled out of bed. I’ve had many a man “not give a damn”. Never again. My husband is polite, and only rude when he has to be. That is pretty rare. He lets no one walk all over him. That’s sexy. He respected me enough to not try to get me in the sack before I was ready to be with him. Very sexy to me. I despise a “horn-dog”. The obvious light in his eyes and the big, goofy grin that spreads across his face the moment he sees me is what really does it for me, though. His obvious love for me, no matter where we are, turns me on incredibly. He treats me like a lady. I’m no feminist, so I don’t take well to being treated like a man. My husband aside, the people I find sexy are: Shirley Manson (_mostly_, there are some things about her I can’t stand… but she’s about 90% sexy to me) Louise Wener Alyson Hannigan Morrissey Tom Shear Graham Coxon Non-human: music I love turns me on. A long drive in a beautiful place can turn me on. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/31 "2004-12-15T17:23:01Z")
Watching someone do something they are good at and that they have passion for is sexy. I used to date a photographer, and he was just so into it that it was extremely erotic. Same goes for musicians. I love watching a guitarist totally get into what he’s playing. I also like scruffy, bearded guys with long hair. Biker types, or any type of bad boy. But then, I think LL Cool J is sexy too. Tattoos turn me on, rough hands turn me on, sweat turns me on. This is sexy: > **[Bildagentur für künstlerische Pressefotografie snapshot-photography](https://tsunen.wixsite.com/sn-ph)** > > snapshot-photography ist eine kleine Bildagenutur mit den Schwerpunken Kunst, Politik, Kultur und Reisen. Unsere Bilder stehen interessierten Medien auf unserer Bilddatenbank zur Verfügung. This is not: http://carson\_pics499.homestead.com/files/carson\_daly.jpg But, I’ve been told my tastes are a bit odd. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/32 "2004-12-15T17:26:00Z")
[http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.snapshot-photography.de/bandfotos/Scott\_Wino/wino\_Scott\_0006.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.snapshot-photography.de/bandfotos/Scott\_Wino/scott\_wino.htm&h=244&w=377&sz=18&tbnid=gkA6R34fJCgJ:&tbnh=77&tbnw=118&start=13&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dscott%2B%22wino%22%2Bweinrich%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN](http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.snapshot-photography.de/bandfotos/Scott_Wino/wino_Scott_0006.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.snapshot-photography.de/bandfotos/Scott_Wino/scott_wino.htm&h=244&w=377&sz=18&tbnid=gkA6R34fJCgJ:&tbnh=77&tbnw=118&start=13&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dscott%2B%2522wino%2522%2Bweinrich%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DN) That was my sexy link, I don’t think it worked. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/33 "2004-12-15T17:37:19Z")
May I take attractiveness as a given? If so, then I’m going to say confidence. Not cockiness or hubris. I’m not sure how to describe it. The best examples I can think of are clothing-related. If a woman is wearing a top that is a bit low cut or open, and she bends over for something but doesn’t make a point to clutch her top to her chest—if she does it right, it exudes _je ne sais quois_; she’s not being an exhibitionist about it, it’s just a fact of life that she has chosen that top and, while she may be aware that it is going to be providing a few peeks here and there, she has no feelings about the fact. Another example is wearing a tank top and the bra strap shows. She’s not constantly trying to keep it hidden—she’s got tits, she needs to strap 'em down, so quit worrying about it. Another example in the physical realm is some runway model I saw on some fashion show or other. She’s walking down the runway, the blouse falls open to one side and exposes her breast, and she just smiles (and blushes a little) and puts the top back where it belongs. If she finds out that her christmas cards went out with a picture of her and her nipple is showing, she just shrugs and says “Merry Christmas, boys,” or some such nonchalant thing. If you ask her what she wants to do, she’ll give you an answer and if you’d prefer to not do that, then it’s no big deal. (Unless it is a big deal; but I’m thinking things like, “where do you want to go for dinner,” not asking her to miss her mother’s funeral.) Or if you’re watching something on the tube and you ask if there is something she wants to see, then if there is, she will say so. _Specific_ things that make me go nuts: Opium perfume, IIRC. Her tongue in my ear. Intellectual curiosity (& skeptical thinker). Kind, if you know what I mean. Strong, Greek nose. French face. Those English buck-teeth like Kate Moss has. That supermodel overbite like Letatia (sp?) Casta has. Peachy bum. Full-bodied laugh. Gosh, I didn’t realize there were so many sexy things out there. I’ll quit now. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/34 "2004-12-16T00:02:33Z")
IMO, a woman cannot be sexy unless she’s got curves. Stick thin, bony women are the absolute antithesis of sexy, for me. Of course, I’m a big guy (6’4" 290) so I suppose there’s a reason for that bias. Looks are only 1/2 the package though. Stupid, needy, whiny, worrysome mothering types, no matter how good they look, are deal breakers. Same with the hirsuite chicks. Nothing sexy about hairy women, at least to me. [Here](http://ww.linkbroken.com) are some examples (albeit drawn ones see cost 100 under coture, Maria specifically) of the kind of women that I personally find irresistable. Irreverent = Sexy Smart = Sexy Eclectic =Sexy Bold = Sexy Enraged at injustice =Sexy Pagan = Bonus. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/35 "2004-12-16T05:00:19Z")
A balance between shyness and confidence is sexy. Someone who possesses good but seemingly contradictory qualities is sexy. Small women, especially when they’re a bit domineering, are sexy. Tall, well-built men (wide shoulders, long limbs, big enough that I feel at least normal near) are sexy. Beautiful hands, long lashes, great eyes, are sexy in either sex. The sexiest of all is someone who is not what I find usually sexy, but who is still hotter than a bonfire in Houston in midsummer, for reasons I can’t define so neatly as the above. And unattainable. I like that too. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/36 "2004-12-16T13:07:14Z")
> [@buttonjockey308](#): > > IMO, a woman cannot be sexy unless she’s got curves. Stick thin, bony women are the absolute antithesis of sexy, for me. Of course, I’m a big guy (6’4" 290) so I suppose there’s a reason for that bias. > > Looks are only 1/2 the package though. Stupid, needy, whiny, worrysome mothering types, no matter how good they look, are deal breakers. Same with the hirsuite chicks. Nothing sexy about hairy women, at least to me. > [Here](http://ww.linkbroken.com) are some examples (albeit drawn ones see cost 100 under coture, Maria specifically) of the kind of women that I personally find irresistable. > > Irreverent = Sexy > Smart = Sexy > Eclectic =Sexy > Bold = Sexy > Enraged at injustice =Sexy > Pagan = Bonus. Sorry, but you had a direct link to x-rated drawings there. Try to be a little more careful next time, o.k.? ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/37 "2004-12-16T14:31:04Z")
Hard to find anyone sexy unless I meet them in the flesh. Hearing them speak, reading their words or looking at a photo or movie won’t do it. I’ve got to meet them. It’s that thing where someone just gives off sparks, without saying or doing anything. When just sitting near them is enough to turn you on. Needless to say I don’t find many people sexy. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/38 "2004-12-16T14:36:41Z")
Scratch “confidence.” Confidence is not what’s sexy. Confidence does not do the voodoo that separates sexy from the rest. After getting home I took a look-see in Choose the Right Word, a book I cannot recommend strongly enough BTW, and discovered that confidence was definitely not the right word. Now I’m going to say it is _sang-froid_, with a heaping tablespoon of _savoir-faire_ and a pinch of _aplomb_. She’s nervous about the big presentation; but that doesn’t stop her, and when the time comes she goes to the mat with a dash of derring-do, gets a laugh with a remark about how her hands are shaking because she’s so nervous. I think it’s the strength and ability to overcome her shyness, anxieties, &c., and take risks, face challenges, or do embarrassing things simply because it would be funny. That’s sexy. So is being “bouncy.” I don’t know what it means; but it seems to be applied to women whom I find irrestible. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/39 "2004-12-16T23:43:14Z")
Top quality that turns my crank: _curiosity._ She must be _interested in things._ I’m not saying she has to be interesting in some particular subject; I’m saying interested in _things in general._ I am into film, history, science, baseball, art, nature, architecture, books, wine, computers, music, politics… you name it. I’m not sure I’m an expert in anything in particular (except possibly film, compared to the average Joe), but I’m _interested_ in it all. I genuinely like learning about new subjects and learning new stuff about old subjects. A woman who is not interested in stuff is not interesting to me. Everything else is gravy. I’m married to an epidemiologist with a social conscience and a love of camping. Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810/40 "2004-12-17T01:07:36Z")
Three things, in no particular order: Smart Funny Geeky Everything else is negotiable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-define-sexy-what-or-who-is-sexy-to-dopers/279810.md?page=3)