# Dopers do you accept or reject my apology?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 28, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309 "2005-02-28T15:51:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/21 "2005-02-28T20:08:42Z")
> [@glee](#):
>
> Growing up is not easy, but talk about this stuff, with adults you respect, to learn why you were out of line.
Isn’t thatpretty much what’s happening here?
Your apology was never needed here, START. I could tell from both your original thread and the title alone that you’re learning. You’re still a teenage boy in more ways than just age (Trust me, I knew a lot of guys like your friends), and the important thing, IMHO, is that you realise that these things are wrong and why they are. I also realise that you’re still young, and will cut you more slack than I would someone a few years older. You still have growing up to do, but it looks like you’re starting down that path already.
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/22 "2005-02-28T20:17:38Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> Nobody got sprayed with the Super-Soaker that may or may not have been filled with piss. No harm, no foul.
From START’s original thread:
'We were coming up behind the 2 guys real slow and as soon as we got next to the guys, **the little brother squirted them**.
Unpleasant and homophobic.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/23 "2005-02-28T20:17:56Z")
> [@glee](#):
>
> put it in the Pit under the title 'I pit…
[off-topic]
Gick. Can we give “I pit…” a little break? About the 500,000th time I see any particular phrase here on the dope I start to wince. This time has already passed for “I pit…”
“Cast aspersions” is next. You watch and see.
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/24 "2005-02-28T20:26:21Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> [off-topic]
>
> Gick. Can we give “I pit…” a little break? About the 500,000th time I see any particular phrase here on the dope I start to wince. This time has already passed for “I pit…”
>
> “Cast aspersions” is next. You watch and see.
Are you … casting aspersions? :eek:
Yes, I know that saying ‘I pit’ has been overdone. I was trying to show START how to make a better impression, so used emphasis as a teaching method.
But you knew that, didn’t you?
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/25 "2005-02-28T20:38:28Z")
START, I think you did half-right. You refused to side with the bad guys. What you didn’t do was side with the good guys–and in a situation like that, I think you’ve got an obligation to side with the good guys.
What do I mean? I mean you owed it to your friends’ victims to help them out. If you didn’t know your friends’ license plate, you at least know your own phone number. You could’ve given it to the victims and asked them to call you the next afternoon, at which point you’d give them the license plate number.
Or you could have filed the police report yourself.
There’s the old saying about how the only thing evil requires to triumph is for good to do nothing. Refusing to associate with evil is not good enough.
Still, it’s half-right.
Daniel
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### Author:  [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/26 "2005-02-28T21:13:41Z")
I don’t accept the apology, for one reason: to show you that you don’t need it. You don’t need our acceptance, you don’t need a public welcoming to the boards, you don’t need to smooth every little bump over with an apology. If you feel you did something wrong by us, then the best way to fix that is to stop doing it the next time it comes up. If there’s a behavior you’re trying to modify, then do so - and don’t worry about it. If someone calls you on something, then deal with it then - you don’t need a pre-emptive defense of it on record if it does come up in the future. Just move on.
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### Author:  [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/27 "2005-02-28T21:16:57Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Originally posted by **Left Hand of Dorkness**
> What do I mean? I mean you owed it to your friends’ victims to help them out. If you didn’t know your friends’ license plate, you at least know your own phone number.
Yeah START, giving strange men in a park your phone number is a great idea. I’m sure this is exactly what your parents need right now.
Victims? Lets not get carried away. The men asked START and his friend if they were in the van or if they shined the laser at them, so I’m guessing they weren’t sprayed with pee or they would’ve mentioned it. This is the second time I’ve seen START get a hard time from dopers when he’s trying to do the right thing. START, I think the way you handled the situation was just fine. There will always be someone that will say you could’ve done something better but don’t let that bother you. Try to do what’s right in life but be content knowing you’ll never perfect.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/28 "2005-02-28T23:26:53Z")
Count me in as someone else who doesn’t see that you have anything to apologize for, except perhaps his atrocious use of carriage returns (;)). You’ve got some friends who are immature assholes. This is pretty common when you’re your age. You also figured this out on your own, and stopped hanging out with them before their idiot shenanigans got you or your brother in trouble by association. This is actually pretty damn rare when you’re your age. The only thing you could have done better is recognizing your “friends” for what they were sooner, and ditching them that much earlier. Next time you find yourself in a situation like this, you’ll know what to do. Call it a learning experience.
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### Author:  [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)
#### Post date: [February 28, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/29 "2005-02-28T23:42:34Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#):
>
> Respectfully, what he did wrong was to continue to hang with his friends after they had harassed the guys in the park, compunded by continuing to hang with them after they loaded the SuperSoaker with piss, clearly with the intention of spraying the "gay"guys. (Do we know they were gay?)
In retrospect, you’re right, but in the moment, I can understand why START and his friend didn’t immediately leave. They _were_ trying to get the idiots to stop with their harassment and inappropriate behavior, it just didn’t work.
START and his friend got out of the van, and told the other two why. They apologized to the men who were harassed. They got out of the situation when it was clear that they couldn’t do anything to change it and didn’t want to be involved if it escalated further.
He didn’t relay the story as well as he might have, but I agree that he doesn’t need to apologize to us. He just needs to use this as a growth experience, to understand that he needs to find better friends, and to learn to trust his first instincts about bad situations and get out of them as soon as it becomes clear that he can’t change the situation for the positive. But that’s part of the learning curve for all teenagers, and there will always be lapses in judgment and times when it takes a while to realize that new acquaintances aren’t nice people.
Keep thinking, START, and keep working to surround yourself with people who think and believe the way that you do. That’s the only thing that you need to do.
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### Author:  [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/30 "2005-03-01T01:15:44Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> Did you read START’s OP or did you just skim it like Cajun Man and assume you already knew what it said? (Sorry, Cajun Man, if you’re reading this, but you acted prejudicially in that thread.)
I’m not even at 100% right now and I can read the thread better than you.
**START** admits to hanging with prejudiced idiots. Fair Enough, he’s a kid.
> [@START](#):
>
> The guy yelled out to him “Stop pointing that light over here” and his voice was a stereotypical gay voice and the brothers laughed. **I have to admit that Brian and I laughed at the way the guys voice sounded** but only that first time but then the brothers kept bugging them.
**START** states being present in a prejudiced attack.
> [@START](#):
>
> Later we saw the 2 guys from the park walking and I said “Don’t do what I think you’re going to do.” We were coming up behind the 2 guys real slow and as soon as we got next to the guys, **the little brother squirted them.**
**START** states his reason for leaving
> [@START](#):
>
> **Brian and I said that it wasn’t funny** and that we would get another ride home because they were the ones acting gay **and the brothers teased us** and said the only reason we were so offended is that we must be faggots too and Brian said “I’ll show you who the faggot is… say that to my face”. I said it wasn’t worth it and that we could get my dad to pick us up
Bolding mine
I know it’s been said by others but I figure I have a right to defend myself. **START** didn’t do anything to hurt those men but he didn’t do anything to help them either. **Cajun Man** has reopened the thread through better understanding of the situation. You call it prejudiced. I call it looking at the available information. **START** opens another teenage misbahaviour thread where he describes himself to be as good as indifferent to gay bashing. On reflection **START** never deserved to be judged and his apology for the thread was unnecessary but he didn’t deserve to be commended by **Diogenes** either.
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### Author:  [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/31 "2005-03-01T12:57:02Z")
**START** , in retrospect, do you think there are things you could have done differently to improve the situation? I commend you for wanting to do the right thing, and experiences like this are a good opportunity to try and figure out what the best course of action would have been, in hopes that it will come more naturally next time.
BTW, no apologies needed, and don’t be afraid to START your own threads. Some may trainwreck, but they are usually a positive part of the board.
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### Author:  [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/32 "2005-03-01T13:23:10Z")
I didn’t read the thread in question \*\* START\*\* and now have no intention to do so.
But I like having you round.
Anyone who is willing to face a matter squarely and apologise unreservedly for a misdemeanour is ok with me.
So, apology accepted. Don’t sweat it.
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/33 "2005-03-01T13:43:26Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> :rolleyes: START is like 15, cut him some slack. He did that right thing, and also waited long enough to do it (ensuring they were true assholes and not just joking) as to not commit social suicide.
>
> Nobody got sprayed with the Super-Soaker that may or may not have been filled with piss. No harm, no foul.
From the original thread–
“Later we saw the 2 guys from the park walking and I said “Don’t do what I think you’re going to do.” We were coming up behind the 2 guys real slow and as soon as we got next to the guys, the little brother squirted them.”
Come again?
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/34 "2005-03-01T13:54:13Z")
A much better effort than some of your previous threads. At 15 you are further ahead in your mental development than I was at 17. Hopefully you won’t stop growing, because where you are now leaves something to be desired. Perhaps next time the situation comes up, you will be able to confront the questionable behavior before it goes as far as it did this past time.
(And if you could work on saying stuff like “that’s gay” when you don’t mean it is sexually attracted to members of its own sex, that would be spiffy. It’s quite offensive when meant in a derogatory manner.)
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### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/35 "2005-03-01T14:07:34Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#):
>
> From the original thread–
> “Later we saw the 2 guys from the park walking and I said “Don’t do what I think you’re going to do.” We were coming up behind the 2 guys real slow and as soon as we got next to the guys, the little brother squirted them.”
>
> Come again?
(Cough) see post #22 (Cough)
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/36 "2005-03-01T14:13:24Z")
> [@glee](#):
>
> (Cough) see post #22 (Cough)
Well not only did you beat me to it, but so did the **Tick** , and much better at that. So **Cisco** , where do we stand on the “no harm no foul”?
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### Author:  [@RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RancidYakButterTeaParty)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/37 "2005-03-01T14:29:22Z")
Everyone has probably kept thier mouth shut when they should have spoken up, or stood by and watched when they should have taken action. I give you credit for even caring in the first place that you might have made an error. Most 15 year olds I see running around would only be concerned about doing what was popular. You eventually took a stand, and that took some serious guts on your part. You also cut yourself off from some friends, and even if they were assholes, that is never easy. Great job in my opinion, you are learning some great lessons at an early age. Stay strong.
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### Author:  [@MRirian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MRirian)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/38 "2005-03-01T22:14:44Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> That being said, this was a nicely worded little apology. However, I am getting a little tired of hearing all this adolescent stupidity. I defended you in your first couple of threads, thinking, everybody’s young once, and **everybody’s stupid when young**. But I never did the cruel things you’ve done and I still feel guilty about the handful of not-nice things I did.
_This_ is offensive.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/39 "2005-03-01T23:03:03Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#):
>
> So **Cisco** , where do we stand on the “no harm no foul”?
Sorry, I missed like 5 words, or more likely forgot them because they were inconsequential. As someone else pointed out, the guys mentioned the laser when they talked to START. I think if they would’ve actually been squirted with piss the laser would’ve been the last thing on their minds.
In any case, you guys are coming down way too hard on him IMO. No 15 year-olds (or however old he is, I made they age up because I think he’s somewhere between 14-17) I currently know and certainly none of the kids I went to high school with would’ve taken a stand in the same situation.
Go ahead and say **you** would have though, because I know that’s exactly what you self-righteous jackals have been waiting to say.
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### Author:  [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2005, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/40 "2005-03-01T23:17:41Z")
> [@MRirian](#):
>
> _This_ is offensive.
Amen to that.
I’m not sure exactly what to think about \*\* Start \*\* 's behavior, but I don’t think he should have apologized to us, nor that we can accept (or refuse) his apologies. He just told us about this event and did nothing wrong to us, didn’t insult us or offend us. The only possible victims were the gay guys and only them could accept apologies (assuming that they’re were required, it’s not my point).
_Maybe_ he could apologize to the gay members of the board, assuming some of them were offended, but even this seems a bit of a stretch to me. Maybe he could have pitted himself about his behaviour, assuming he would feel bad about it, but I don’t feel qualified in any way to receive his apologies.
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