# Dopers do you accept or reject my apology?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 28, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309 "2005-02-28T15:51:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/41 "2005-03-02T00:01:21Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> Go ahead and say **you** would have though, because I know that’s exactly what you self-righteous jackals have been waiting to say.
Yeah, yeah, hindsight is 20/20, we know. I don’t care what he did. I care what he does from now on. And I do care, because from some of the good things he posts he should be doing better things than hanging out with fucktards.
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2005, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/42 "2005-03-02T17:02:30Z")
[QUOTE=Cisco]
> [@](#):
>
> Sorry, I missed like 5 words, or more likely forgot them because they were inconsequential.
I’m not sure why. They are pretty much the thrust of your argument.
> [@](#):
>
> As someone else pointed out, the guys mentioned the laser when they talked to START. I think if they would’ve actually been squirted with piss the laser would’ve been the last thing on their minds.
Imagine what you will. The rest of us will work with what we are given. He witnessed harrassment of the
two guys. He witnessed derogatory remarks and joined in the laughter. He saw a Super Soaker that for all he (and you) know had urine in it. It would take less of an imagination than you have displayed to see where that was headed. Not until the guys were sprayed did he stop and say “that’s enough.” Hardly praisewothy, in my opinion.
> [@](#):
>
> In any case, you guys are coming down way too hard on him IMO. No 15 year-olds (or however old he is, I made they age up because I think he’s somewhere between 14-17) I currently know and certainly none of the kids I went to high school with would’ve taken a stand in the same situation.
>
> Go ahead and say **you** would have though, because I know that’s exactly what you self-righteous jackals have been waiting to say.
You know nothing of the sort, anymore than you know what stands I have taken and at what cost.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/43 "2005-03-02T17:27:44Z")
> [@MRirian](#):
>
> _This_ is offensive.
> [@clairobscur](#):
>
> Amen to that.
Ok, not everyone. Just me. Apologies.
I wasn’t trying to pick on \*\*START \*\* with that particular line, to be honest, just pointing out that people \*do \* make mistakes when young. Do you guys understand? They make them when they’re older, too (Og knows I’ve made a few) but one hopes maturity may have set in.
There are a great deal of very mature teens on this board,
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### Author:  [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/44 "2005-03-02T17:58:26Z")
I think START’s actions were OK. If the victims were calling the police, that would be one thing, but it didin’t sound like the victims were too bothered. We can all sit around and say what we would have done, but we weren’t there. I also can understand why not wanting to give a stranger contact information when their best use for it is to get you to ratting on your (ex?)friends and worse could plan on retaliation. We can’t assume that the victims were completely above board…they were hanging out in a park at night and may or may not be gay and might have diluted urine soaked into their clothes (and the uncertainty is not if they were squirted, but if there was urine in the squirt gun) and that is all we know.
**START** , these guys (the brothers) are dumb, but you already figured that out. Gay bashing is not a good thing, but you already figured that out. People here have many opinions, as you have already figured out. The only thing I can say (and don’t let post # lead you to believe that I haven’t read most of the boards for the last few years) is that next time you post a story like that, post in the pit as was suggested and say what morons these brothers were, or post in MPSIMS or IMHO and ask what you should have done/what other people would have done/if anyone else had ever been in this situation and you get this conversation, not the trainwreck I am assuming is in the other thread. (I only read the OP). I have no reason to think you shouldn’t stick around. If this is about fighting ignorance, people have to feel comfortable sharing situations to learn from them. As long as anyone learned anything, I am OK with your OP in the other thread. Thanks for sharing.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2005, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/45 "2005-03-02T21:41:55Z")
> [@MRirian](#):
>
> _This_ is offensive.
Oh, grow up.
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### Author:  [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2005, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/46 "2005-03-05T09:30:36Z")
I have to THANK **Cajun Man** for locking [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=304609) because if he didn’t it seems that many Dopers would have not read it a second time and assumed that I was taking part in the harrassment.
I have to thank \*\*Miss Violaceous \*\* for coming to my [defense](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=304690).
I know I said I wouldn’t bring this up again but it’s important for me to say that one of the main reasons that I offered the apology was because when my brother died some Dopers actually sent me cards and I get the feeling that there are some Dopers who do like me in spite of some of the less flattering events in my life I have chosen to share. Those are the people I do not want to offend in any way if I can avoid it.
I want to add a few things before putting this issue to bed.
The 2 brothers do not live close to me, they live in my dad’s neighborhood. I had no indication that they would act the way that they did because I had only spent brief amounts of time with them previously. They seemed to be good guys to me.
When they were pointing the laser My friend and I walked away hoping that they would come too because at that point we wanted to get home.
Also the phone that my dad gave me was not very reliable (battery issues) and I knew that if we got out of the car and walked we would not know how to get home and their was a chance that it would take a long time to reach my dad and we would be stranded in the dark.
Anyway that’s what ended up happening, we did get out of the car and we did wander around lost for a while.
I did not know that saying something is _gay_ to mean _bad_ was _bad_.
My Mom’s new friend is a gay man. They are the odd couple, the Pentecostal Christian woman and an atheist gay man.
One time I said that something was “Gay” in front of my Mom’s friend. I tried to cover up the fact that I just called something “Gay” but he told me that if something is not good that it is indeed Gay (not exactly like that) and there was no reason I should try to cover it up and that comes from the one openly gay person that I know. He even used the word himself he said “that \*is \* gay” to describe something he didn’t like. He said that the term Gay to mean something bad did NOT offend him.
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### Author:  [@Ooner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ooner)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2005, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/47 "2005-03-05T10:59:49Z")
> [@](#):
>
> One time I said that something was “Gay” in front of my Mom’s friend. I tried to cover up the fact that I just called something “Gay” but he told me that if something is not good that it is indeed Gay (not exactly like that) and there was no reason I should try to cover it up and that comes from the one openly gay person that I know. He even used the word himself he said “that is gay” to describe something he didn’t like. He said that the term Gay to mean something bad did NOT offend him.
Oh come on. It offends many people and you know that. How long have you been reading these boards? How many times has this been argued here? I don’t know if you’re just playing dumb, but I have a hard time believing someone with as much time as you on the boards could actually think nobody has a problem with using “gay” to mean “bad”
Seriously.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2005, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/48 "2005-03-05T18:13:44Z")
> [@START](#):
>
> One time I said that something was “Gay” in front of my Mom’s friend. I tried to cover up the fact that I just called something “Gay” but he told me that if something is not good that it is indeed Gay (not exactly like that) and there was no reason I should try to cover it up and that comes from the one openly gay person that I know. He even used the word himself he said “that is gay” to describe something he didn’t like. He said that the term Gay to mean something bad did NOT offend him.
Thing is, your mom’s friend doesn’t speak for all gay people. A lot of gays are going to be offended when they hear you say that. A lot of gays aren’t, myself included. A good rule of thumb is to avoid the phrase unless you know everyone you’re talking to is cool with it. Which, on a public message board like this one, is pretty much never.
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/49 "2005-03-05T19:19:31Z")
> [@START](#):
>
> I did not know that saying something is _gay_ to mean _bad_ was _bad_.
> My Mom’s new friend is a gay man. They are the odd couple, the Pentecostal Christian woman and an atheist gay man.
> One time I said that something was “Gay” in front of my Mom’s friend. I tried to cover up the fact that I just called something “Gay” but he told me that if something is not good that it is indeed Gay (not exactly like that) and there was no reason I should try to cover it up and that comes from the one openly gay person that I know. He even used the word himself he said “that \*is \* gay” to describe something he didn’t like. He said that the term Gay to mean something bad did NOT offend him.
I find “that’s gay,” when not used to mean “it is attracted to members of its sex,” to be fundamentally offensive.
Just FYI.
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### Author:  [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-do-you-accept-or-reject-my-apology/292309/50 "2005-03-05T19:56:44Z")
> [@iampunha](#):
>
> I find “that’s gay,” when not used to mean “it is attracted to members of its sex,” to be fundamentally offensive.
>
> Just FYI.
You find it offensive when people use the word ‘gay’ to mean ‘happy’? 😉
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