# Dopers over 45: what would you tell your 35-year-old self? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 20, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474 "2006-05-20T00:35:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/21 "2006-05-23T00:00:27Z")
[QUOTE=Rysdad] 3. If you haven’t yet maxed out your retirement savings, _do so!_ [/QUOTE] That’s what I would have said. I’m now within 4 years of retirement, theoretically, and I’d feel lots more confident of making that date if I’d been smarter with my money back then… ---
**Author:** ![lynne-42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lynne-42/32/3138_2.png) [@lynne-42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lynne-42)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/22 "2006-05-23T00:14:46Z")
Younger me: Life gets better - much better. When you have paid off the house and married off the kid, you can suddenly live on a lot less money. Much less than you think you will need. This will give you choices you didn’t realise you would have. Remember that dream of something you always wanted to do? Back when you were only a teenager getting excited about the world’s vast possibilities without the weight of responsibility? That comes back! Just change your whole self concept and you will make it work. It is scary, but you’ll get through it. Had I known that, I would have jumped earlier. At 50 I decided that I was no longer a successful teacher who wrote as a hobby, but a failed writer who taught to support my dreams. A change in mindset which was only possible as the responsibilities faded. I went to part time teaching, and worried what the hell I had done. I was close to the top of my profession and I threw it in to write beyond the education sphere. Within a year I had two publishing contracts - one for fiction and one for non-fiction. I now write and teach - and love the balance. I found a renewed interest in teaching when my yearning to be a published writer was satisfied. The freedom of post-children / mortgage is superb! Lynne ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/23 "2006-05-23T08:18:25Z")
1. Okay. Got sunscreen on your face—good! Now, put some on your _neck_ and _chest_. Always. No messing around. 2. Don’t sell the house til 1991. Actually you could probably hang onto it even longer. But. Do NOT sell the house in 1990. 3. Compound interest! Don’t just think about it. 4. Finish the novel. Go on, you can do it. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/24 "2006-05-23T14:30:57Z")
I was 35 in 1983. Let’s see… 1. Set up an investment account, moderate risk, and don’t sell a damn thing. Make sure it invests in Microsoft and oil stocks. 2. Keep exercising on a regular basis. 3. I don’t care how great she is in bed. DON’T MARRY HER!!! ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/25 "2006-05-23T15:04:09Z")
[QUOTE=Hilarity N. Suze] 3. Compound interest! Don’t just think about it. [/QUOTE] OK, I’m naive, but what should I do with it? ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/26 "2006-05-23T15:39:35Z")
[QUOTE=E. Thorp] OK, I’m naive, but what should I do with it? [/QUOTE] At the risk that I’m being whooshed. . .NOTHING. That’s what is nice about compound interest. . .interest gets put back into principal and consequently generates more interest. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/27 "2006-05-23T16:09:07Z")
When D&D 3.0 comes out, don’t go nuts buying multiple copies of the core rulebooks (I have five players’ handbooks because I wanted my players to all have a copy…). There’s going to be a new version out in a couple years that supercedes them anyway. Stick with the Shotokan. I know it’s not free; it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than it’ll be driving to your other sensei’s house three times a week once he moves 45 minutes away… ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/28 "2006-05-23T16:25:18Z")
In the end, everything turns to shit. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/29 "2006-05-23T16:37:38Z")
You’ve heard that nobody dies thinking, “I wish I’d spent more time at work.” Well, listen; a hell of a lot of newly retired people think that. When you get that overtime money, stuff it in your 401k or IRA. You’d be amazed how many people never get around to fixing up and landscaping the house until they’re about to sell it. Do it now, so you can enjoy it and sit in the shade of those trees. Right now, all your cooking starts with reading the box. Learn to really cook. Learn to play music now, before your fingers are worn out. You are a much better person than you think you are. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/30 "2006-05-23T18:18:15Z")
1. DO NOT ENGAGE that oh-so-attractive guy. Your instincts about him are correct: he’s a jerk and he’ll never be anything but a jerk. Run - FAST - in the opposite direction. Trust me, this will save you years of misery. 2. Spend more time with Mom & Dad. In a couple of years it’ll only be Mom. 3. The Brian thing? Don’t worry so much about him. He’s alive and well and everything you ever hoped for will come true. Wait to search until he’s 25, though. 4. You’re going to get a BUNCH of stock options (assuming you haven’t already screwed up the timeline). Accumulate those options, but sell them as soon as your blackout period is over in November 2000. ALL of them. Yes, ALL of them. Buy Halliburton 😃 and Microsoft. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/31 "2006-05-23T19:07:16Z")
[QUOTE=handsomeharry] After 36, the hot babes and jobs get exponentially harder to get. [/QUOTE] I’m only 42 but my experience is exactly the opposite of that. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/32 "2006-05-23T19:10:56Z")
[QUOTE=hajario] I’m only 42 but my experience is exactly the opposite of that. [/QUOTE] That may be location-based… ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/33 "2006-05-23T20:15:21Z")
If I’d told myself what I wrote in post #18, I’m not sure what I would have done. Maybe I’d have told me to get stuffed. Knowing about it, the wait would be excruciating, and then it’d be like an anticlimax. The events that have happened over the 13 years since I was 35 are something I wouldn’t have wanted to get spoilers on. They took me completely by surprise, and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Having given it some more thought, I’d probably tell myself, “Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s all right. You’ll see.” ---
**Author:** ![Upgrading\_to\_Critical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/848f3c/32.png) [@Upgrading\_to\_Critical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upgrading_to_Critical)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/34 "2006-05-23T20:40:07Z")
“Keep your day job. Fame is fleeting.” ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/35 "2006-05-24T07:11:14Z")
[QUOTE=Ethilrist] That may be location-based… [/QUOTE] Damn, dude, I’d like to think that hard work and good choices had something to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/36 "2006-05-24T07:45:59Z")
No, hot chicks do what they want. Your success has to do with either your appearance, or your cash. Charisma can help, but it’s not as usefull as it once was. Hard work + Good choices = hot chick… that’s fricken hilarious. Why are millionaire heireses so hot? Trophy wives. Yep. They make great looking kids. The guys that spawn these kids are usually good looking themselves. Not so good looking that they’d get involved in a harmfull lifestyle, but good looking enough to advance on the corporate ladder. The poor kids that have huge bank accounts and donkey faces, are doomed to a life of careless spending. ---
**Author:** ![straykat23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@straykat23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straykat23)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/37 "2006-05-24T07:59:30Z")
Despite hot flashes, menopause is liberating. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/38 "2006-05-24T08:08:51Z")
In three years, you will meet and marry a much younger woman who will subsequently deeply regret having done so but will not consider admiting the two of you made a mistake; leave now for Antartica and don’t return for at least five years. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/39 "2006-05-24T15:55:38Z")
[QUOTE=dnooman] No, hot chicks do what they want. Your success has to do with either your appearance, or your cash. Charisma can help, but it’s not as usefull as it once was. Hard work + Good choices = hot chick… that’s fricken hilarious. [/QUOTE] Hard work + good choices = great jobs which was the other thing on his list, Sparky. Sixteen years ago I was fresh out of grad school and nearly $20k in debt. The hard work has given me a very nice career and good financial choices has caused me to have acquired a reasonable amount of wealth. Even with my ex-wife taking half of it last year (to which she was entitled), I still am worth a fair amount. There is your cash, one half of what you claim is needed to get hot chicks. I have also worked hard to stay in shape which is a good choice I might add. I’m no Brad Pitt but I am fit. That puts me well in the lead against all of the pot bellied slobs who drink too much in my age group. Both of these things has increased my confidence over the last decade which is truly the key to getting women. That’s what I wish that I understood better way back when. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2006, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474/40 "2006-05-25T08:37:06Z")
Being 37 was holy hell. I thought I was _old_. I thought it was _over_. Life took off again in my forties and the best years have been since then. I felt much better at 60 when I decided to kick my fear of fly and headed to Paris. 1. Set goals. Always have something that you are planning long range (a year or so) that you look forward to. Make it something that you can work toward and read about. 2. Stop trying to control people in your life. 3. Practice recentering and self-control. 4. Take prozac as soon as it’s available. 5. Spend more time with your dad, less with your mother. Your instincts are right. 6. Move to where you want to spend the rest of your life. 7. Do things you are afraid of doing or think that you can’t do. 8. Right name, wrong husband. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-over-45-what-would-you-tell-your-35-year-old-self/357474.md?page=3)