# Dopers please let us have your humor... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 5, 2013, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576 "2013-05-05T22:12:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/21 "2013-05-06T13:42:09Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Equivalent exchange, God needs to drain a battery or two to bring birds and grass back. This is why, as we all know, everything was dead and lifeless before batteries were invented. > > God also uses the energy in smoke detector batteries to start fires when he’s drunk. Brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/22 "2013-05-06T14:12:24Z")
> [@willthekittensurvive](#): > > so I read I could buy grass here… Dave’s not here, man. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/23 "2013-05-06T15:00:11Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > Who killed off the birds Cats. > [@](#): > > and yellowed the grass in the first place? Dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2013, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/24 "2013-05-07T07:44:25Z")
Birds? They’re back (checkbox) ✓ Grass? It’s green (checkbox) ✓ Four(4) padlocks? Still locking up the signboard cover (checkbox) ✓ God is awesome, but those fuckin’ neigbourhood kids … ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2013, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/25 "2013-05-07T07:56:00Z")
THE BIRDS ARE BACK THE GRASS IS GREEN GOD DID IT AGAIN Despite our repeated prayers to the contrary. Church meeting tonight to decide just what the fuck we’re going to do about this. ---
**Author:** ![HardlySanguine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/96bed5/32.png) [@HardlySanguine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HardlySanguine)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2013, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/26 "2013-05-07T08:09:13Z")
I just wonder why they don’t mention all the birds and grass that died over the winter. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2013, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/27 "2013-05-07T12:48:20Z")
THE BIRDS ARE BACK THE GRASS IS GREEN GOD DID IT AGAIN (Dammit, now we don’t have an excuse for being depressed) ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/28 "2013-05-07T15:55:00Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I thought God was still down in Miami Beach with all the other ancient snowbirds . . . until the threat of frost is over, up here. Well, He _is_ elderly and Jewish, so that would make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/29 "2013-05-07T16:07:20Z")
The birds are back? Around here they never leave. Whenever I see a robin foraging around in the snow in the middle of winter, I always tell my wife “Look! It’s the first robin of spring!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![shadowofneo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@shadowofneo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shadowofneo)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/30 "2013-05-08T23:14:31Z")
> [@shadowofneo](#): > > What do you get when you line up 75 blondes and stand them ear to ear in a circle? A Particle Accelerator And though The Early Bird might get the worm, The Second Mouse Always gets the cheese ---
**Author:** ![shadowofneo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@shadowofneo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shadowofneo)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/31 "2013-05-08T23:27:32Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by GuanoLad View Post > Who killed off the birds > Cats. > > Quote: > and yellowed the grass in the first place? > Dogs. This is why I wish I didn’t like cats Dogs think, you love me, you feed me, you take me for nice walks, **You’re God** Cats think, you love me, you feel me up, i piss on your shit and you still do those things, **I’m God** ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/32 "2013-05-09T16:48:55Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > I’m mostly sanguine, although I am concerned that I have a touch of black bile. My humor is generally phlegmatic. Eh, the OP can have it if he wants it, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/33 "2013-05-09T17:44:53Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Dave’s not here, man. Open up the door, it’s _Dave_! ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576/34 "2013-05-09T19:25:39Z")
> [@shadowofneo](#): > > A Particle Accelerator > > And though The Early Bird might get the worm, > > The Second Mouse Always gets the cheese More succinctly – the early worm gets the bird. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-please-let-us-have-your-humor/657576.md?page=1)