# Dopers who live with chronic pain: want to talk about it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 28, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582 "2011-05-28T17:40:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![grey\_ideas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dfb087/32.png) [@grey\_ideas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grey_ideas)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582/21 "2011-05-31T06:19:50Z")
Humph…missed the edit window, I wanted to add: I know the answer for me is fusion but I am loath to go for it. When I first found out what was causing my sciatica I saw two surgeons, one who said “get it done now” and the other who said “wait until you are in so much pain you can’t sleep then get it done”…so far I’ve stuck with the second option. I have a degree in medical science, I think it’s a case of knowing a little too much about what’s involved and the risks associated with it (scale of results being: fully functional - slight improvement - no improvement - worse - much worse/complications) that keeps me away from the surgery until it hits that second option 🙂 On the other hand, my aversion to walking (for the obvious reasons) is starting to seriously mess with my quality of life…decisions, decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582/22 "2011-05-31T15:08:50Z")
My chronic pain, and I deal with them with what feels like a minute-to-minute approach daily: I have a terrible tendinitis/arthritis and sometimes impingement in my shoulder that results in my hand/arm going numb every night no matter how I sleep and I cannot throw a ball. I have a degenerating disk in my lower back. I’ve mostly got this one licked through a regiment of serious exercise/strengthening, but I cannot sleep comfortably. I. Just. Can’t. I have a degenerative hip disease. I keep myself as fit as possible, eat right and feel lucky to be as healthy as I am. I am posting… not complaining. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582/23 "2011-05-31T15:35:27Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > . > > She simply refuses counseling because it “never works”. Well, duh, if you approach it with that attitude, of course it “never works”. We have serious late-night talks when she’s slipping into a lower than normal depression. **We have a mutual friend who had a medical issue several years ago and she continued to feel sorry for herself so much that she’s never recovered. I use this friend as an example of what not to do.** Bolding mine. I think this is a good thing to look at. One of the reasons why I’ve tried to do as much as I can despite pain is that I finally saw my way clear to thinking about what I wanted to be like. I didn’t/don’t want to be the bitter, complaining chronic pain patient. I especially don’t want to be the bitter, complaining mom to my children. I want to affect their lives as little as possible with this. Yes, there are nights when I just can’t read stories because my jaw hurts too much. There are times when I’m lying on my icepack on the couch trying to get my back under control, and therefore I can’t do \ right now. But I really want those times to be few and far between. You’re right that loving someone who lives with chronic pain is difficult. You can’t make the pain go away, nor can you speed your GF to the point where she is emotionally ready to do some of the psychological healing work. It sounds like you are good and supportive without being enabling, though, and I think that’s important. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582/24 "2011-05-31T16:21:40Z")
> [@JFLuvly](#): > > Has anyone tried marijuana for chronic pain? Yes, and it works. I can not wait until the jackasses who feel a medical plant used for thousands of years, and that already has non druggie advocates stating it needs to be moved to a different schedule get their respective heads out of their asses and actually legalize it for medical use. Recreational users are on their own. [I don’t care if you want to use it recreationally, as far as I am concerned it is as evil as a beer and a cigarette] I just want to be able to get it at a dispensary as a bud, or in the form of hash or as an edible. I do not want to pay criminals in Mexico to obtain it, and I would like the option to grow my own. I would personally love to open a proper dispensary here in CT, and to have space in the building to grow a good indica and a good sativa to supply my dispensary. I would also like to not have to worry about being raided, my home confiscated and my ass sent to prison for using a plant that grows wild everywhere but the north pole and antarctica. > [@Ruby](#): > > Thank you, **aruvqan** and **lorene** , for your replies. You’re right, it’s not a linear process. Some days are better than others but most of the time she’s grieving for the life that she doesn’t and likely never will have. She’s had 3 lumbar surgeries and a couple of cervical surgeries, none of which has helped her pain. Her last surgery was about 2 years ago when they installed a spinal stimulator to ease the pain. It, too, didn’t help. > > She hasn’t gotten to the “this-is-as-good-as-it-gets-so-how-will-I-deal-with-it” stage. > > I do include her in household stuff like meal planning, grocery shopping using the powered cart, and light housework. She has worked her entire life (she’s 37) until these back issues so doing housework isn’t very satisfying. We’re having some financial struggles now, too, so she feels like a burden because she can’t earn a wage. I also don’t want to make her feel like a maid. > > She simply refuses counseling because it “never works”. Well, duh, if you approach it with that attitude, of course it “never works”. We have serious late-night talks when she’s slipping into a lower than normal depression. We have a mutual friend who had a medical issue several years ago and she continued to feel sorry for herself so much that she’s never recovered. I use this friend as an example of what not to do. > > It’s hard when you love someone in chronic pain. None of the options are good. True that. I do get depressed, and I don’t bother with any sort of counseling because I have reached an accommodation with my body. It fucks me over and I deal with the pain and inability to do what I used to. I also understand that I _will_ end up in a care facility with any resources I have being confiscated for my care, so i will spend interminable years stuck in a bed with Nurse Ratchett caring for me, and no money to spend on jack shit for myself. mrAru dying will suck for me. I also understand that alzheimers and parkinsons are distinct possibilities. I have decided to off myself before this happens to me. > [@grey\_ideas](#): > > **Ruby** , **obbn** … that’s tough for both of you, on the receiving end and on the observing end. I have spondylolisthesis and it’s been symptomatic for about 16 years (I’m 36), I can feel it all the time (some lower back pain and ‘awareness’ of the sciatica in my right leg) but under normal conditions it’s manageable. The difficulty comes when I need/want to go out anywhere, I can do 15 to 20 minutes on my feet before the sciatica gets to be a real pain in the arse. Even this isn’t a big issue since if I’m on my own I can grit my teeth and walk through it to get done what I need to get done (shopping for example). The problem comes if I want to go out somewhere and be sociable since it can be hard to be sociable whilst the sciatica is making itself known. > > Like both of you I used to be very active (martial arts, taught sailing, cycling, etc) but these days I’m much more limited. I can keep my weight in normal bounds by watching what I eat and I’m going to start up swimming again but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s hard to avoid pushing people away because the idea of having to get up and go walking is…depressing and people eventually get fed up of the guy who doesn’t like to go out and socialise. I love socializing, but it works best if we have people over to visit - I have my comfy chair, and the computer if it turns out I want to show someone something like a link or image. We decided next summer’s vacation we will rent a flat in Amsterdam because we can cook at “home”, and have my euro gaming buddies over to visit. Staying in and socializing is way more restful than trying to go out into a crowd. Plus we always discuss foods, and we want to have a cook-off 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582/25 "2011-06-01T13:31:03Z")
In a cruel twist of fate, after all of the things I wrote about acceptance, etc…yesterday turned into one of those unbearable pain days for me. It astounds me that we have such advanced medical technology in this world, and technology and science in general has advanced so much, but my stupid jaw pain cannot be cured. I spent over an hour combing sites on the internet about TMJ, even though I know full well that there is nothing new out there. I don’t know what I expect, that I’m going to stumble across something I haven’t seen or tried before? Yesterday was a 4 Aleve and 8 Advil day, and I skipped dinner because I just couldn’t open my mouth. ☹ Luckily, today seems better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dopers-who-live-with-chronic-pain-want-to-talk-about-it/583582.md?page=1)